Hi this is my 1st time being on this site. My husband has been cheating on me with a friend of the family. What is so sad is we have known this person since she was 12. She is 21 now and we are god-parents to her 3 kids. They have deny the affair. She sent naked pics of herself on the computer which he left up on his laptop telling me she sent them to him by mistake (they were for someone else) I knew she had a crush on him since she was a teenager I used to do anything for this girl. My husband is 51 years old and i am so upset behind this mess. I love my husband but right now I cant deal with this. Later I will go into more detail. Right now I am in total shoc

Just to say I'm so sorry for you to find yourself here. You have come to the right place. You will find help, advice and support here and you WILL come through this, even if it doesn't feel like that now.
Come back and give us more details about your situation. Express your pain. And the experts here will help you to formulate a plan to regain control of your life.

Hi Vivi,
welcome, I'm sorry you have a reason to be here but it's a great place to land when you need help.
there are a lot of great folks here that are willing to listen and give some great advice to weather the storm you are going through..........
for now just remember to breathe............
((hugs))

Use your time to read up on exposure and plan A, and NC no contact.

Then come back people will help you do those things.

This affair needs to be exposed. Have you read about exposure yet? Please do so.

Say nothing more to your WH about this right now - especially about this site. Don't tell him you're getting info on here. Don't tell him about anything you read - especially about exposure.

Sorry you have to be here, vivi. But you've come to the right place.

I'm so sorry, vivi. The shock can't be described. The pain is unbearable.

Earlier this year I learned about my husband's affair with my own sister several years ago. Sounds like this 21yo OW is like family to you, especially with you being godparents to her children.

It's a double betrayal. And it hurts like hell. I'm so sorry.

Post here. Post all your thoughts and all your actions. I wish I would have done that from the first moment I learned about the affair.

People here will help you through this nightmare and guide you on a smart path.

I know it feels like the world around you is in crumbles. It is.

Let the good people on this forum help you clean up the mess and rebuild.

Denial is what most of the wayward spouses (WS) do initially.
Affairs thrive in secrecy, and he is trying to protect it.

Expose the affair to your relatives, his relatives and HER relatives.

Your husband will be angry that you told about his "secret", and will try to do damage control if you tip him off that you plan to expose. So DO NOT tell him or her that you are going to expose. Just email everyone all at the same time, and call those people who are closest to you and them.


Take time to write an exposure letter that does not demean or denigrate either of them. Instead, the letter and your message should focus on the fact that you want to save your marriage, that you are hurting over this, and that you want everyone you know to help you and support your MARRIAGE.

There are sample exposure letters on this site. Take a look at them and make one fit your liking.

I'm in this sick club too. My WxH slept with my then 19 year old cousin when he (XH) was 37. Sick stuff. And then started it back up again 7 years later when he was 44 and she was 26, married with a less than one year old child. I exposed.

Then I divorced him.

I don't know how anyone gets past that sort of thing....DDD my hats off to you...

Thank u for your kind words. I love her kids so much and they are crazy about me too. Her little girl loves staying with me. She cries when she has to go home. This situation is so hard for me.

Thank you. He has already told me that I have a low opinion of him if I thought he would do something like this. We have known this young woman since she was 12. Get this "her boyfriend works for my husband" We have been together for 19 years

I am so glad I found this site. Everyone is so kind.

Uh-huh. Waywards are known for making statements like this. His intention is to 'shame' you into not pursuing this thought. Do not let him distract you.

Ssshhhh....don't tell TomOlympus that - it'll ruin our street cred with him!

You are so right. He just left going to the store and he sent me a text saying: Where are You? I text him back stating this is your wife and of course he was lost for words

My husband is 51 and this girl just turned 21 in Sept.

vivi,

Unfortunately no matter how this works out I think you will lose contact with these children.
If you recover your M with WH (Wayward Husband)then NC (No Contact) is essential. If you don't, then I don't think it would be possible for you in any case to maintain contact with the OW because of the damage she has caused to your life. And her children who are little, need her more than they need you. The negative impacts of an A are like ripples, they cause more damage than you could imagine at first.

I have lost my niece and nephew on my WH side and I miss them. I know them from birth and I have always been close to them. I haven't seen them in 2 years now but occasionally I send little presents and they phone me (I don't dare make the call myself given the bad feeling with my ex PILs who live right next door) They say that they love me and miss me. It's a shame but this is a fallout from the A.

In general the path to follow with MB is
find irrefutable proof of the A,
expose it,
Plan A,
ensure NC,
Plan B if necessary and
then develop a plan for recovery of love in your M.

It's not easy and there's no guarantee of success but it does create the best conditions to allow R (Recovery) to occur. And in any case if you follow this path you will recover your own self-respect and stability and that's the most important thing.

Hang in there.

Ugh. Does the boyfriend know about the A?

Good bust, vivi. If something like this happens again, play like you're the OW and see what he says.
What happened after that?

It's very hard to keep two women straight. This kind of thing always reminds me about the time I saw via online TM captures that OW was going to meet him for lunch, so I texted him too, and asked if I could meet him for lunch.

He had the hardest time..."Um....um......was that *you* that just messaged me?"

"What are you talking about?"

You've gotten great advice - I hope you follow it to the letter.

If possible, before you expose, see if you can dig up some more proof in email, Yahoo Messenger, Facebook, etc. If you can't find more, that's ok. Naked pictures are plenty good enough to run with. (I mean, come on...if naked pictures could slip through her fingers so easily, then why hasn't she WOOPS sent some to her pastor? Her boss? Only a moron would buy this story. Only a moron would expect OTHER PEOPLE to buy that story.)

You can do this.

You really need to stop babysitting those precious children.
I would tell her she needs to find a new sitter.

Sad for the kids. Do it now though.

You are probably sitting for them while your H and the kids mom are on 'dates'.