I'm not asking for love at first site. I know "love" at first site does not happen. I'm not that naive. I also know that people eventually get older and do not look the same. But if I am on my death bed at 90 and look back and never had that time with someone that "hot", it will be a damn shame. Everyone should have that opportunity.

Happiness is...

Blooming where you are planted.


You don't get married to be happy. You get married to be married.

You chose.

Maybe you chose unwisely...but that doesn't entitled you to choose again.

Sorry...them's the breaks. So man up and TRY to make things the best they can be using a MARITAL RECOVERY PLAN, including radical honesty about whatever or whomever it is you are having these other feelings about (your point of comparison that's lying to you telling you that you can do better than what you've got).

Mr. W

Tom, I have been following this thred for a few days now and the more I read the more upset I get. You do not need MB because it is clear that you do not want to fix your marriage, what you need is a counselor. You are not happy because you are a shallow man. You focus to much an appearance and some extravegant fiancnial flexibility, but are not willing to work for it. You want to blame everyone around you for how unhappy you are, but you are the one who is making choices that make you unhappy. Remember apperance and money will never make you happy.

Just as an FYI, I am an attractive person, have been told on the scale 1 � 10 (10 being higest) I would be a solid 9. I am not bragging, but want to tell you something. As an attractive person what I want, is for man to look at me and see me as a person, as an individual, not just an a*** and b****. Based on these posts you are the type of man that makes me want to throw-up, because all you care about is physical apperance and could care less about who the person really is.

You are liying to yourself and this woman you are with, no wonder you are not happy, how can you be happy if you are living a lie.

So do me a favor, sopt posting these redicuals things that you want to work on your marriage, because you don�t you just want to use the woman you are with and exchange her for a Barbi Dall with a rich daddy, when you are done�. Good look finding hapiness with this approach.

If this is not approprite for this website, I apologize, but I just had to be brutally honest.

Then why do you go to a marriage building website and refuse all advice?

Soo...at some point in time before you are 90 you DO plan to be with someone who is "hot." Who you can just look at and have that primal "I want you" feeling.

Tell me, have you ever looked at your non-threatening little female friend at school and though "she's hot, I want her"? Cause if the answer is yes and you are still spending time with her and "sharing your struggles" with her....then you are in fact in an EA and as long as you have her to compare your wife to, you will not be able to see the forest for the trees.

Honestly, regardless of what the scale says, I think your wife is to good for you.

I also did enjoy the rant/analogy of a diet. Atleast you can still have a little humor along the way in the discussion.

Read this yesterday, first time I have had a chance to respond.
Wow, I could not disagree more. Maybe you choose unwisely, but too bad. If there is potential for both people to be legitimatly happier in a different situation, when they are not happy where they currently are, I don't think it is wrong to make a change. If you have potential to be happy enough where you are that is fine, but if you don't, you don't just say thems the brakes. That is flat out saying that divorce is wrong and nobody should do it. I have known a handful of people and a few very close to me who have gotten divorced from marriages where they were not at all happy and are much much better off now.

At any rate, this program and no one on here can help you until you embrace radical honesty. That and it's a waste of anyone's time to post to you until then.

So you're basically going to stew in your unhappiness and be unfair to your bride until you do.

At any rate, this program and no one on here can help you until you embrace radical honesty. That and it's a waste of anyone's time to post to you until then.

So you're basically going to stew in your unhappiness and be unfair to your bride until you do.

Tom, I used the employer/employee analogy. You agreed that the employer should be honest if it affects finances.

Sorry but honesty is a black and white issue. You're either honest or not. You're either a liar or you're not. A person either believes in telling the truth or they don't. There aren't 'little white lies' and other lies.

Cowards and dishonest people avoid the truth cause it might hurt their poor little feelings or cause them discomfort.

That is what I just don't get. You are so on the side of all or nothing. The idea that without radical honesty, nothing else in this program would actually be any good. Really, do you actually think that.

Yes I have thought that about her at times. I have also thought that about plenty of other women I see. Its a natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman.
As for my wife being too good for me, I disagree. I don't believe either one of us is too good for the other. We both have things to offer, but she is by no means a saint. There are many things she could do to help make up for the attractiveness issue, but she chooses not to do those things very often either. And trust me, she knows of plenty of things that make me happy, that are not that hard to do. Every single time she does the slightest thing though, its like she wants immense praise, when they are things she should be doing all along anyway.

I have not refused all advice (said this before as well). Over the summer I did read through the material. I did some of the questionaires, and took advice from people here. I tried spending more quality time with my wife. It helped to a degree. I tried meeting her emotional needs more.
One thing that I still can not bring myself to do/or imagine doing is the radical honesty aspect. As a result people here focus on that 1 thing that I say I can not do instead of the things I have done or am willing to do.