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Thank everyone for the wonderful advice. I will be talking to her dad this morning. My nerves are so bad right. I am packing all the kids clothes, toys, pictures to give to her dad. I do not want anything in my house to remind of this relationship. Her sister text me this morning to tell that I have her complete support in this mess. I should not be taking care of her kids. The reason he is nervous about her dad finding out is because we have known this child since the age of 12 and anyway u look at its is so nasty.
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vivi, I am so sorry you are going through this. What a nightmare for you, friend.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[Vivi}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You are doing the right thing in telling her dad. We will be here to support you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I would like to move and we have been here since 2001 after he did 21 years n the Army. I was very happy at the time moving to a new location. But now, I just want to pack up and leave and start over somewhere else. I will let guys know what happens with her dad after I speak to him
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I feel so bad right now because like a fool i chose to belive this man when I questioned him about this girl. He was like people just have dirty minds. He blames everyone for his problems. He is like you are my wife and I suppose to stand beside him no matter what. He told me this morning that I looked so unhappy and that I am too thin. I cant eat right now. I drink coffee n the morning and drink red bull all day long which is not good. I got to get it together. I am trying to figure out how to tell her dad n a tactful way. I do not want trash this girl at all.
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I am writing it this morning before I go and talk to her dad
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I feel so bad right now because like a fool i chose to belive this man when I questioned him about this girl. He was like people just have dirty minds. He blames everyone for his problems. He is like you are my wife and I suppose to stand beside him no matter what. He was trying to distract you from his affair. I got to get it together. I am trying to figure out how to tell her dad n a tactful way. I do not want trash this girl at all. Just give him the complete facts. Does this girl live with her father?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yes. They are not his. She had paternity test on all 3 becuase of the guys she had been with. The last baby she wasnt sure if it was her boyfriend child or some other she was dealing with at the same time. It was the other guy's child but her boyfriend treats the baby like his (he is such a good guy that wanted to marry this girl) only the little girl is his and she is the one that I am really attached to. Have you personally seen the paternity test results? Or are you going by what this girl told you? It would not be hard to lie about this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am trying to figure out how to tell her dad n a tactful way. I do not want trash this girl at all. vivi, all you will be doing is reporting the FACTS of the affair. If the OW has chosen to trash herself by having an A with a married man, well, the fallout is her problem. Let her father know that you are telling him this to enlist his support in ending the A. You'll do fine. Now get something to eat, okay? You want to take good care of yourself.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I feel so bad right now because like a fool i chose to belive this man when I questioned him about this girl. He was like people just have dirty minds. He blames everyone for his problems. He is like you are my wife and I suppose to stand beside him no matter what. Most betrayed spouses made the mistake of believing their WS. You want to believe the person you've entrusted your life to. Don't feel bad because you wanted to believe him. No, you're not required to stand by him while he makes a shambles of your marriage. He is endangering everything the two of you have. No sane person should stand idly by and watch their world explode.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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NO WAFFLING ALLOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does that help any?  Take the plunge, tell her dad, and get it over with. You'll feel so much better, and don't worry, you'll be fine. Your WH will be furious, so just expect it and ride out the storm calmly and with serenity. And seriously girl, you need to cut back on all that caffeine and eat something.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I I am too thin. I cant eat right now. I drink coffee n the morning and drink red bull all day long which is not good. I got to get it together. Part of Plan A is self-care. If you do not take care of yourself, your Plan A will suffer (as will Plan B in the future) because your "Taker" needs some loving. Indulge yourself. Love your "Taker". WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT SELF-CARE?Plan some things. I am trying to figure out how to tell her dad n a tactful way. I do not want trash this girl at all. Something like: "My husband is romantically involved with your daughter.
It is a disaster for our marriage, and most certainly a disaster for your daughter as well.
(pause for reaction)
I am working on my marriage, as I try to end this affair.
If you can think of any ways you might influence your daughter to stop this disaster from advancing further, please know this, you have my support as well as my gratitude."
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I am on my way to see her dad right now. Her ex-boyfriend is over there visiting the kids. She does live with her dad with her 3 kids. I will let u guys know what happen after this.
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I am on my way to see her dad right now. Her ex-boyfriend is over there visiting the kids. She does live with her dad with her 3 kids. I will let u guys know what happen after this. Be strong, vivi! God Bless! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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There probably isn't any way to tell the story without them coming across as 'trashy' so there's no need to add any details or flourishs. Just the facts and underline what you want - No Contact with her ever!
I think a move is a good idea. Personally I would tell WH that you intend to move away from this area. If he is interested in reconstructing your marriage he is welcome to join you but you won't be staying. Maybe this is IB but honestly in cases like this I feel it's justified. You need to set the bar high and if he's prepared to try to jump it, then your marriage has a chance. If not, then it will just die a slow, painful death.
Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
Maya Angelou
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No, moving isn't an IB...in a sitch like this it MUST be part of the R boundaries. No move, no R.
However, I would recommend only planting seeds at this point, offhandedly mentioning the idea of moving, saying positive things about getting a new start, etc.
Later there's plenty of time to make clear how very important - crucial - moving is.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Well I told her dad. Needless to say he is very upset. He kept saying how sorry he was. I told him my WH is to blame also for this mess. He was the grown up in this. Her dad is like what in the world were they thinking. Her dad would like to come to the house with her and discuss this mess. What do you guys think about this? I mean what else is there to talk about. They are going to deny it once again. See he doesn't know how much proof I actually have voicemail, letter, naked pics which he thought he erased from my email.(its on my Iphone)
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Good for you!
I would tell her dad that there is nothing to discuss. The affair must end, and the only way it will end is for his daughter and your husband to have absolutely no contact, and that includes you no longer keeping her kids.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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I agree with LC. Other than telling her dad that he has every right to confront his D(OW) and your WH, there is nothing more to discuss.
Did you ask him for his help?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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They are going to deny it once again. See he doesn't know how much proof I actually have voicemail, letter, naked pics which he thought he erased from my email.(its on my Iphone) vivi, I would call him back and tell him about your evidence. He needs to know this. In addition, he should be told that others know about the affair by the OW's admission. I would ask him not to come over, that there is nothing more to discuss with HER., But tell him that the solution is for both families to cleanly cut off contact for life. Tell him you are going to be moving to keep them apart but ask him to watch for contact from his end and to call you if he sees any sign of contact. You did good, vivi!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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