Call up the OW today, or write her an email. Calmly say/write, "Do not ever come over to my home again. Do not bring your children here again. You are not welcome here because of your adulterous affair with my husband. Do not contact me ever again."

It is ridiculous that WH can bring his skankho over to the house any time he wants, and that's something that needs to stop in a hurry.

The rest of you...would there be any legal problem with also putting in, "If you come on my property I will call the police"? I'm not sure what the laws are regarding domestic disturbances, but it would seem like an OW showing up at the BW's house would be considered an altercation waiting to happen.

(It is important to note that if the consensus is that you should let her know you will be calling the police, that if she shows up you do actually call. Empty threats will avail you nothing.)

Meantime, no lovebusters to stinky WH..."Honey, I know you're lying. I still believe we can save our M, and be happy together again, once your adultery partner is out of the picture."

Memorize that phrase or one like it, and say it with a smile as many times as needed. Don't worry if you seem like a broken record - WS have very short attention spans, lol.

Vivi --

Your husband is going to drive you crazy with his denials.
I would continue with snooping to get the proof you need to end his denials.

There is a Spying 101 thread with great information.
Also, since so much of this seemed to take place via texting and emails I would buy 2 things right away.
A SIM card reader (to retrieve the content of deleted sent and received texts) then get ahold of your husbands cell phone and pull out the sim card, download the data, and put the sim card back in.
The other is a keylogger. Then you can obtain his computer passwords and find out what is in his email accounts.

Very good thoughts - once you get the proof also send a copy ASAP to the boss he lied to about the A. That will be one of your most important pieces of exposure.

WH may well lose his job, though hopefully he would just be transferred. Be prepared for a worst-case scenario just in case, and maybe you'll be happily surprised. Above all, do NOT let fear of the consequences dissuade you from this exposure. Lost jobs can be replaced. Lost marriages leave scars that last a lifetime, and should be avoided if possible.

I wouldn't bother, although it would be a very satisfying thing to say and do! My thought is that WH will just override her, and she'll look foolish.

Call and WRITE the OW and tell her that she is no longer welcome in your home or anywhere near any member of your family.

Tell your WH that you did this AFTER it is already done.


The letter:


OW,

I know that you and my husband are involved in an adulterous affair. Do not insult me with denials, because I already know the truth.

From this moment forward, do not contact me, my family, my children, my husband, or anyone near to me. Do not come to my home or place of work ever again.

The relationship that you and I had is now severed. The fact is that you chose to betray me, and now I must choose between having you in my life with your continued destruction of my family, or to recover my marriage by sacrificing any relationship I might have had with you and your children.


I CHOOSE TO SACRIFICE YOU.

My family comes first, and always has. I will recover my marriage and my husband - of this I have NO DOUBT.


However: You. Are. Gone.


SB

Vivi, I think you are waffling on this. Waffling will NOT SERVE YOU. You must do this. This is the first strike you need to take in saving your M. Do you realize that you are babysitting OWs kids so she has the luxury and time to screw your H???

Her boyfriend is n another department now. Also he has left her.

Really great, is her boyfriend also the father of her children, if so you really need to rub this in your H's face that he is destroying a young and vulnerable family. Expose him to all the world what he is doing is crummy beyond words.

Frankly the girls father should kick your H's butt.

God Bless
Gamma

That's what happen to his other Boss. He was having an affair with a women at work and would take her to the Corperate Apartment to fool around at lunch time. Her husband worked there also and caught them with pics. They tried to sweep the affair under the carpet but her husband called the Corperate Office and they transfered him back east.

The little girl is his but he took care of all the kids like they were his too. This young man is so hurt. They made it seem like he was just a jealous fool. He told me that he was so sorry this has happen and that I am a good woman and treated the kids like I was their grandmother.

I am waffling on this because of the kids. These are not my kids. It will hurt for awhile but I will get over it. My WH is nervous about her dad finding out. I have been thinking of what to say and I love the the letter u sent which I am going to use asap. Time to save my Marriage. Thank you

I'm very sorry for him, vivi.

Have you written your letter yet to let OW know you won't be watching her children?

I am waffling on this because of the kids. These are not my kids. It will hurt for awhile but I will get over it. My WH is nervous about her dad finding out. I have been thinking of what to say and I love the the letter u sent which I am going to use asap. Time to save my Marriage. Thank you

Ummmmm Vivi. If your WH is so worried about HER dad finding out, then that is a PRIME target for exposure. Make sure that you use one of the exposure templates so you keep most of your emotions out of it. You should call him.

Also, listen to Schoolbus. She is GREAT with the letters and such.

I see her dad everyday because I pick up the kids at 1:00 (I know stupid) They live down the street from us. He knows something is wrong. He said I am not my usual happy self. I just tell I am not feeling well. I told him this evening that I need to talk to him tomorrow. He is going to hit the roof on this. Her ex-boyfriend let me listen to a voicemail my WH left on her old cell phone. Talking about he could get a nice hotel so they could play but that his wife could not find out about them. They would always deny the affair. Her niece called me this week stating that she knew about the affair because OW told her. OW would beg her to watch the kids saying my WH would pay and buy her something to eat. after awhile he niece went to her mom and told her everything. She told her not to watch those kids anymore. She felt bad for me because she knows how much I do for those kids. Her mom told me tonight to do what I had to do. That is her sister but wrong is wrong. This young girl has got some issues. Her sister told she has always use her body to get what she want and care about other people's feelings. I know I need to get this over with. I will let u guys know happen after I talk to the dad. Thanks again for all the support

vivi, we all know how hard this is for you. We sympathise but the problem is that there is no other way out. They have chosen to abuse you, you must remove yourself from this abuse. Take a deep breath and tell her father calmly all that you know. You are not there to insult her, you are there to extract yourself from this situation and to try to recover your marriage.
Good luck.

Vivi, your WH and OW are using you for their pleasure. How tidy is that, that you would volunteer to watch her children so she can screw your WH??? And you're okay with that???

How do you know your WH is nervous about her dad finding out?

Vivi....you have to decide if you want to try to recover your marriage or not and do whatever is necessary to stop the affair.

Continuing to provide any type of support to this girl/OW, and yes, that includes taking care of her children, is really a problem any way you slice it. If she is having an affair with your H, you are doing her favors watching her kids.....she should lose your doing anything for her.

If she ends up living with your H or marrying him, will you still be involved with her kids?

I know you are attached to them. You are going to have to realize you need to cut this girl and her children out of your life one way or another. If your marriage is salvageable, you cannot have contact with this girl and her children in the future. If its not salvageable, you will need to not have contact with this girl and her children. She will have been a primary cause of your marriage ending.

You have not faced yet that your life has changed forever by your husband's actions.

vivi, the others are right. All contact has to end with these people, even the children. It is not even a good idea for you to live in the same block with the OW. That is a disaster becuase your husband will be perpetually triggered by the OW and can't withdraw. No withdrawal, no recovery of your marriage.

And I agree with your decision to tell her dad. Everyone should know of the affair. The more people who know the more people to hold them accountable.

Dr Harley has written quite a bit about the absolute importance of no contact for life:


Entire article


How to Survive an Affair chapter in HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS
p. 177

...I have seen husbands build new and wonderful relationships with their wives but then go back to their lovers after five or six years of what appeared to be marital bliss. When I ask them why, they inevitably tell me they miss the woman terribly and still love her. At the same time they stoutly affirm they love their wives dearly and would not think of leaving them.

I believe a man like this has told the truth. He is hopelessly entangled and needs all the help possible to be kept away from his lover and stay faithful to his wife. I often recommend that a man once involved in an affair come in to see me every three to six months on an indefinite basis, just to talk about how things are going and to let me know how successfully he has stayed away from his lover. He must resign himself to a lifetime without her. HE MUST CERTAINLY NOT WORK WITH HIS FORMER LOVER AND SHOULD PROBABLY LIVE IN SOME OTHER CITY OR STATE. Even with those restrictions the desire for her company persists...

"These are not my kids."

Exactly. And really if you think about it, someday they may find out you babysat so their mom could cheat on their dad.

Vivi;

I don�t even know how to ring in on this one. Your WH has not only scarified his marriage with this relationship, but he has basically taken advantage of someone who was viewed as, and basically is emotionally little more that a child in to your family. (Seriously, a hearts and flowers doodled love letter! ?!).

Someone he helped raise from her pre-teen years.

We are talking about crossing over many layers of normal boundaries here.

This man willingly not only destroyed your family trust, but devastated the lives of his three �god parent� grand-children. (They now have no father!
Biological to one or none� that man is gone.)

I would call out the big guns on this one and schedule a phone conversation with Dr. H. on this entire situation for advice.