ATW:<P>All I can say is what you already know. In this state, we're all very vulnerable and subject to going gaga over anyone that treats us with respect. As you already know, I've seen this happen to a dear friend of mine and that was two years after his divorce. Unless you can really keep things platonic, it's best not to date until your life is settled, your self-esteem is fully recovered, and you know clearly what you want. I don't think it has anything to do with legal milestones - it's a question of emotional readiness. By the way, this is the reason that 75% of rebound marriages end quickly. People are looking for quick fixes to their pain. THERE ARE NONE.<P>We all know it's morally bad to become an OW. It's one thing to hurt yourself, quite another to hurt a family. So stop this one cold while your head is clear.<P>I may be in the minority opinion here, but I don't really place that much blame on the OP. The majority of the burden belongs to the married partner. Temptation always exists. I'm sure this bartender was probably flirting with lots of women (sorry if that hurt a little). If it wasn't you, it would probably be someone else (or already is). He probably told you plenty of lies too. I'm sure he's quite a guy. TURN TAIL AND RUN!<P>Forgive yourself and do the right thing. E-mail me when you get a chance.<P>

Distress said something that clicked with me:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Unless you can really keep things platonic, it's best not to date until your life is settled, your self-esteem is fully recovered, and you know clearly what you want. I don't think it has anything to do with legal milestones - it's a question of emotional readiness. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Reminds me of what they say in 12-step recovery programs about not starting a new relationship until you've had 12 months of recovery. This edict always seems a little strict, but I realize now that there is a firm basis in "emotional readiness" involved in the timeline. Time to heal, time to grow, time to know your own needs.