vivi, I agree with everyone that you should leave immediately but I wouldn't go to a hotel. Go to your daughter's house or another house where you are loved. You need that now.
Also, I don't know anything about the legal stuff but it seems to me that it's more 'temporary' to go to stay with someone and he can't construe it as 'abandonment of the marital home'.

My only concern is that these will be the first places her WH will go to look for her. (and to get that minicam back, which is going to be right at the top of his To Do list.)

PS You are doing incredibly well. I hope you are proud of yourself!!

I think thats ok. She is not hiding from him, just removing herself from the home and the constant presence. And when she is ready to go into Plan B, she won't have to let him through. And she should definitely hide the tape in the minicam!!

I made copies this morning because he would say some stupid mess like that (its a body double) Since he is retired from the Army (21years) I still can see JAG for legal information. I have appt this afternoon. WH has been blowing up my phone and I wont answer. What more can u do to me at this point. I am getting some things together and waiting for her sister come over I am giving her a copy of the tape. When I told her about it she told me she is not surprised. This girl has been doing mess like this since she was 13. She told me her sis has some mental issues. She always uses her body to get what she wants Her step-mom found naked pics on her n the computer when she was 15. My girlfriend said I could stay with her but she lives down the street from where my WH works Right now I cant think straight.

Make copies.

I am taking care of the banks right now so I will let you go know whats going on later today. Thank you Thank you

Do not let your H know what you are up to. Do not respond. If you walk right by him (on your way to the bank- where you should be going,) now....
-- smile and wave.

Do not waste your time giving sister copy now. That can be done later, you moving out and getting $$$ in order is better.

Also, withdraw all the money, and I would even go to another bank for your new savings. Just in case.

Seriously, do you have people to help you pack and move out?

Once the cat is out of the bag, he may get desperate. You are going to need your "troops" around you.

what a donkey.

Now I have heard everything.

Except for speeding things along a bit, this doesn't change your overall plan.

Awesome that you can get JAG help! I don't think they'll fall for the body double routine...

Get this immediate crisis dealt with, and then we can talk about what to do from here. Tape or no tape, I'm still for a SHORT finish to Plan A, and a super-dark Plan B.

All that has happened is now you have tangible proof of what you already knew.

In a couple of days the drama will blow over, and if you choose you can resume a SHORT Plan A from under a different roof (do NOT go back home!!!), and you can go to Plan B from there. It's the challenging time of this massive crumble of the pack of lies that is the most critical and unstable. You need to be extra careful for a bit.

viv, are you planning on packing up and going somewhere else for the weekend at least?

viv, you are doing a SUPER JOB, friend, and I want you to know I am saying lots of prayers for you. We will be here to support you!

Fwiw, I would get a safety deposit box and carry that key to the box on your keychain. Imho, too many family members are involved for me to consider giving that tape to any famiy member.
Watch out for yourself. If there is a copy give it to your sis, but keep original in safety dep. box.

vivi, I'm sorry to say this but I think this marriage is over. He has too much of a sense of entitlement and is too motivated to 'save face'. I suspect that might be his overriding motivation and he thinks denial is the way to do that. He'll never back down. You can keep trying to save it but you need to protect yourself first now.

An MB oldtimer here, but imho, her WS is having an epic midlife crisis. Biblical proportions of a crisis. He's going to have to have the truth mirror shoved in his face quite a bit courtesy of exposure to help knock some sense into him.

Some do wake up from this, but this guy will have to do a total 180 and work like he's never worked in his life to undo the pain and agony he has caused Vivi.

Only time following the MB plans (A & B) will tell.
There are too many factors and unknowns to predict the outcome...........

Vivi, if you could call for a MB coach (from the coaching center) to guide you, it would be great.

I got my laptop with me. I am n the jag office now waiting. I ask the people in office if i could use it in here. u guys are helping me more then u will ever know. In all honesty I would have not been strong enough to do this alone. My daughter said that my WH has been blowing up her phone looking for me. He told her that he needs me because I am not well. She told him "Dad stop saying That" you know full well what u do to my mother. He is like its not true. He admitted to some mutual flirting between the two. My daughter is like dad tell the freaking truth already!!! He told her to tell your mom we need to talk. Before I went to my appt I opened another bank acct at a credit union on the base. They have bank and a credit union the air force base. Ok guys they just call my name for my appt. I will let u guys know what happen later

vivi, I just want to give you a great big hug right now!

Are you staying with your daughter tonight?

Question..is your H retired air force or navy?

She had said Army earlier in the thread.

vivi, I just want to tell you how impressive it is that you've been so strong and determined. You deserve so much better and I applaud you for making it happen.