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I told alot of people about their affair. I am going to show her dad the letter, naked pics and the ex-boyfriend is going to let him listen to the voicemail. Things has just gotten worse u guys. My WH left his little minicam here and of course I look through it and I dropped it so fast that i couldnt finish looking at it. These fools have mad a tape of them havin sex u guys I couldnt finish looking at but i looked at the date and it was done on 10/24/10 If I am rambling I am sorry (in complete shock right now) I cant handle this right now How nasty is that vivi, listen to me. Get out of there, and take that minicam with you!! That is irrefutable evidence! Leave now - that's your first order of business.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Agree. Leave now.
DO NOT CALL WH AT THIS POINT. DO NOT TAKE CALLS FROM HIM.
You've got to get yourself to a safe place, where people can help you through this, then we can go on to the next part of the plan.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Have you given your eveidence to the OW family? I am sure she may have a sister or two who may be willing to "cook" her into fessing up.
The only reason I say this is that I think it may break up A partners (in this odd, odd situation) if one feels that the other has "turned" on them by recanting the story. Your Wh has way more to lose than OW. He is way more vested in the outcome. She maybe not so much (considering her reputation)
Your H is a 50+ year old liar. The young lady (not stable) would be the easier to crack.
Especially if her family does not buy into her story.
If this can happen, I would use this information to CREAM WH stories. Especially at work (you did stand up for the OW boyfriend? right?). To break up this affair, vivi is going to have to -- for her own sanity-- publicize the truth. IMHO
Maybe in this scenariou it would stop Vivi's spouse from the insanity inducing gaslighting going on.
Last edited by barbiecat; 12/10/10 10:17 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Barbie, you must have cross-posted. Vivi now has video evidence and needs to get out of there ASAP.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I remember "accidental" nude pictures.....
I will go back. Sorry.
Please tell me that young man (OW boyfriend is getting some support at work)
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Vivi, do not take any chances. WS are very unstable when all their lies come crashing down.
Go now. Make sure you are in the presence of family or friends, with no need to go back to the house for several days, before you even think of letting him know he's busted.
Take care of you first, and then come back on here in a little while FROM A SAFE PLACE to discuss what to do with this information.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Barbie, she just, and I do mean just, while you were posting, found a video camera with them having sex. I figured you must not have seen that yet. 
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I told alot of people about their affair. I am going to show her dad the letter, naked pics and the ex-boyfriend is going to let him listen to the voicemail. Things has just gotten worse u guys. My WH left his little minicam here and of course I look through it and I dropped it so fast that i couldnt finish looking at it. These fools have mad a tape of them havin sex u guys I couldnt finish looking at but i looked at the date and it was done on 10/24/10 If I am rambling I am sorry (in complete shock right now) I cant handle this right now How nasty is that Oh good gravy.  but how am I not surprised???
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Let me guess.... he has a body double! It was not him (like it was not him in the VM)
Saved her cost of PI = $400
Saved her weeks/months of angst = $$$
Saved her mental health = priceless.
Vivi, seriously, what are you going to do .PLEASE MAKE A FEW COPIES OF THIS TAPE. RIGHT NOW. BEFORE YOU TELL HIM.
DO NOT let him get his hands on ANY copy.
Last edited by barbiecat; 12/10/10 10:24 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Right now, copies to the sisters (I would not have the heart to give one to dad) and a copy to the boyfriend
For a harrassent defense at work.
And I would let my H come home to an empty house, with this "video" playing in a loop on the tv and computer. Or an Alice in Wonderland style note "Play Me!" on the DVR with it cued up to the good part.You poor thing.
But I admitt I am way, way over my head here.
Last edited by barbiecat; 12/10/10 10:29 AM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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It was his identical twin cousin.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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(A very stupid and bad liar of a teenage boy who stayed with my parents for several months while I was growing up, actually USED that excuse with a straight face. Sadly, I didn't just cleverly make it up myself.)
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I believe u guys are right about me leaving. Last night we had a bad argument. I got out of bed and changed into my clothes, he ask me where I was going and I told him I couldnt into our home tonight and that I need to leave for the night. WH told me I was too upset to leave and I wasnt going anywhere. He took me keys and hid them from me. I am like what do u want from me. You are still seeing the OW and I will no longer be disrespected. Do u knowhe had the OW come to the house to try to tell that there are no having affair and to please believe her She was crying so hard (And the Oscar goes to____) I told he had 5 seconds to get that ho out of my house. He told her to go. This morning I am sitting at the table not knowing what to do. I am so stressed out but I not back down on my position with this mess. Before he left for work he told that I need to get some mental help. OW sister text me last night and told me OW and my WH were seen by her boyfriend n wal mart parking lot she was standing by his truck and my WH slapped her butt and gave her some money. You guys I really need your help Viv, please pack your bags and get out of there. These are very dangerous, manipulative people. This is an orchestrated effort at gaslighting you so they can continue their affair. They are like crack addicts who will do what it takes to protect their drug. They will continue to apply pressure until you break down. Do you have a close family member you can go stay with? I would take a large sum of money out of your account, go find a safe place to stay and file for divorce. This is one of the most serious cases of gaslighting I have ever seen.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I told alot of people about their affair. I am going to show her dad the letter, naked pics and the ex-boyfriend is going to let him listen to the voicemail. Things has just gotten worse u guys. My WH left his little minicam here and of course I look through it and I dropped it so fast that i couldnt finish looking at it. These fools have mad a tape of them havin sex u guys I couldnt finish looking at but i looked at the date and it was done on 10/24/10 If I am rambling I am sorry (in complete shock right now) I cant handle this right now How nasty is that TAKE THE MINICAM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Personally, I would contact the BF's boss's supervisor myself (in writing), let him know that you have found a sex tape proving beyond a doubt that WH lied to the company about the A, and stress that they are WIDE OPEN for a sexual discrimination suit, which the BF will most assuredly win.
The looped thingy is a fine idea, but takes too much time. If he even suspects something of this magnitude is wrong, or remembers that the tape is somewhere Vivi might find it, he is likely to leave work on a pretext and come home.
She MUST be out of there by then.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I can only hope that Viv's silence means she is very busy getting the evidence and herself out of there.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Take the tape and go have a copy made so it doesn't disappear.
Make two cd's. Place one elsewhere.
Get a plan B letter and a restraining order. Pack his stuff up with the plan B letter. Put it on the porch.
With the movie camera and a note.
Last edited by RegardingLuv; 12/10/10 10:42 AM.
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I agree. Pack up quick, get out of the house. Take money from accounts, copies of bank records, valuable papers. Go to your daughters to buy some time to plan. Get a lawyer. Have him/her freeze all accounts/investments. Give attorney cam corder with sex tape. Cancel or take your name off joint credit cards.
Don't talk to your H or OW until you have legal advice.
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I think what ML is saying is that the proximity of the OW, her WH and the abusive gaslighting that is going on it toxic to viv's emotional health. Of course; we can all see that. There's a lot of discussion on this forum about when to move out and when not to move out of the marital home, and some of the advice seems counterintuitive. That's all. . Delta, usually it is a bad idea to move out of your home and is not recommended. But in situations where the OP lives right there, Dr Harley has told the BS to pack up and get out of there and just hope the WS follows because the ONLY hope is getting away from the OP. It is doubly traumatic when you can't even escape the affair in your own home. Typically, when the BS leaves, the WS does bring the OP into the home. But the ramifications are going to be far worse for vivi if she doesn't leave. Also, it is more important for a typical woman to remove herself from such trauma. A man might be advised to hang around a little while longer in hopes that the affair might collapse, and a man might also be risking losing more legally if he leaves the home.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Do not speak to your H. Move the available money RIGHT NOW.
If you wait even a few more hours, he is going to lock you out of any financial asset (to keep you grounded to him)
If you have no real savings, do you have a credit line? In both your names? (I can't believe I am saying this.) MAX THEM OUT. Today, right now.
Put them in an account in your name only. If this young man (boyfriend) has been disciplined directly due his exposure of this affair and your husbands interference/denial.. not only is the company at fault, but civil action can be taken. That means against your husband personally.
Lock in your funding, get your money and get out.
Last edited by barbiecat; 12/10/10 01:11 PM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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