Vivi,

made copies this morning because he would say some stupid mess like that (its a body double)

Too funny, watch that TV show Cheaters sometime, there is one episode, on reruns, where the Husband runs out of a car naked leaving his GF behind and yells to his wife that "this isn't me".

Might I suggest a Polygraph?

God Bless
Gamma

He is retired fr the Army but where we live The Air Force is the closest to us. I am staying with my daughter for now. She talk
ed to her dad and told him not to bother me right now. He was begging her to let him talk to me and she said no. I am so tired, hurt, mad right now. Thanks to everyone on this thread and I mean it fr the bottom of my heart. Words cannot explain what u guys have done for me. This is just the start. This man is not going to give up. He's right and I am wrong. He told my daughter that I need to come home right now. Thaat we need to talk. Get this he text me stating she seduced him and he didnt know at the time she was taping them (Oh my god!!!!!!) When will the lies end? Be a man and admit what u did. The minicam belongs to us so what she stole it, set it up, jumped up afterwards saying Busted----give me a break. I am really trying to stay strong but I feel myself breaking down!!

Vivi, you are doing awesome, even if you don't feel like it right now. Your strength in the face of his gaslighting is amazing! I'm so glad that your daughter is firmly supporting you. You do need a break from all the drama and to sort things out in your head.

Stay strong! You will be fine!

My appt with JAG went well. They ask me what did I want to do. I told them I just need to be away from this man for now and just wanted to know my options. I already have an allotment going to me and while I was there I changed it to my new bank so I am good to go as far as that. Believe me guys, I am not trying to come off as Ms. Perfect. I have never cheated on my WH. I already know he is going to say I wasn't giving him enough of sex. Last year I had 2 knee surgery which went well but he was the one scare of hurting my knee during that time. So he stopped touching me for awhile. I had to turn my ph down he is texting me like crazy. The OW called my daughter asking if they could talk. My daughter told her have u lost your rabbit mind girl. You betrayed my mom and she loves those kids and you took that away from her. What could u say to me now. What is wrong with these people?????????????????

You guys will be hearing alot from me and I hope u won't get sick of me too soon.

We're here for you, vivi.
My thoughts: do not speak with your H until you have a better idea of what you want to do. Not a word. In the meantime, I suggest you get a copy of the tape to OWs father. Let your DD know that there is a tape. Don't show it to her - just let her know that you have it.

vivi, I have no idea if this is MB material, but my thought right now is giving a note to your husband through an intermediary along these lines:

(MB peeps, is this a good or bad idea?)

Husband, I already know the truth about your adultery, so please stop lying. I have full color evidence of your affair. Your lies are insulting and abusive, and I will not tolerate that treatment a moment longer. I deserve better. What I deserve is 1) for you to totally end all contact with OW 2) a move to a safe and loving home in a new location - which I will be doing with or without you 3) a faithful and repentant husband who is willing to own up to every aspect of his infidelity and change his ways. I will only accept the truth and will not tolerate lies. Until you can admit the entire truth and give me what I deserve, please do not contact me and please keep your distance.

I love your phrases, vivi.

These adulterers are selfish scoundrels. And yes, they have lost their minds.

I think it's good for vivi to have a dialog ready, but I also think WH deserves to stew in his juices for a bit. Right now I suspect he's worried about who will see the tape.

You're right, though - none of this conversation should come from vivi. She should go immediately to Plan B.

Not a chance.

You are doing great in the midst of total chaos.

Deep breaths.

There's more to come.

I would recommend doing nothing for right now, where WH is concerned. Sit tight (and quiet) over the weekend, turn off your phone, and just relax. You've had a hard day of it.

Although you may end up going into Plan B right away, I think it would be better to wait and make that decision in a couple days, depending on how things are going.

I could see Plan A continuing for a small while if the following two conditions were met by Monday. 1) You felt up to it after resting for a few days, and 2) WH had simmered down a bit and was no worse than usual.

If you do Plan A any longer, here's what I would see it looking like: a few texts or phone calls each day, positive interactions that carefully target his EN's, maybe just maybe a dinner (not alone), and a couple of really nice emails.

My reasoning is this - if you go to Plan B right now, this chaos and drama are the last things he remembers of you while you're dark. If possible to do so, I would like to see a few stellar Plan A moments stored in his memory bank before you go dark and stay dark.

That said, your own well-being trumps every other consideration. If, in a couple days, you find that you're still too worn down to continue Plan A without lovebusting, or if WH continues to ramp up the gaslighting (as opposed to maintaining at the same moronic level he was already on ), then you should go to Plan B, and with quickness.

As to who to send the copies to, I would recommend giving it to her sister, so one family member has a copy in their hands, and offering it to the rest. Let them ask if they feel they must see it in order to know for sure they were lied to. His family and your family, ditto. I would not show it to your kids, even if they are adults.

Most definitely I would personally contact OW's XBF's boss, and offer a copy if they need it as proof. Again, pointing out their level of legal liability (VERY HIGH) is crucial. If you don't get results right away, go up the corporate ladder. Before very long, you will run into someone who deeply cares whether the company faces a major lawsuit, even if they don't object on moral grounds.

You've had an extremely busy day today, and came out of it a winner in my book! Good for you for taking quick action when it was needed, and sending nuclear shock waves through the A on a scale I seldom see.

There really is no predicting at this point whether your M will R or not. Even if I knew a BS's M would fail (and of course I don't know any such thing), I would still recommend they go through the Plan A/Plan B process. It gives the BS the sense that they have done everything they could, and it also gives them an unbelievable depth of character, provided it is ended in a timely manner.

If your M is to have a chance to R after Plan B, you need to set the bar very, very high. Do not accept anything less. Read here, learn from our mistakes, and get your boundaries right the first time.

Now go rest awhile, and that's an order!

Vivi, I just read through your thread. OMG woman, you're going through the trenches right now. Wish you could get a restraining order against this OW but that would require that she threaten you in some way.

Somebody should hold a blanket party for your WH. WTH is he thinking? Yes, OW is responsible for a lot of the drama but so is your WH for allowing it. He is basically choosing to keep OW in your marriage. I was so glad to hear you removed yourself from the situation. Is there a way to block both WH and OW from calling you? You need a mental break from the drama.

Have you read Surviving an Affair?

I feel so care for at this moment. My daughter and son-n-law are treating me well. My daughter made take a long hot bath. I laid there and cried my eyes out for a long time. They knew I needed to do that because I've been holding the tears all day. I had so much to do today. My WH came by their apartment begging them to let him n to talk to me. My son-n-law told him to please leave me alone right now. u she is in good hands. He decided to take him to a bar to talk to him. He told him that young woman tried to talk to him also and he told her to stay in her place little girl (she was 17 at the time) My daughter and son-n-law moved here just a year ago. We have been here since 2001 after he retired from the Army. He was offered a position as Fleet Manager in a well known Soda Co. It was just the two of us. We bought our 1st home and have so much fun fixing it up. We met some friends down the street from us (they lived across the street from the OW) At the time she was 12. Ok I will tried to rest guys. I am tearing again. omg it hurts so bad

vivi, you are a strong, good woman. If he has any sense, he will realise that losing you would the tbe worst thing he could do. I really mean that. As Neak said, I would leave him alone for a few days to allow the drama to settle. It may help him to realise that denial is not the best way out of this but admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness is.
What you are doing here is asking him to be a bigger man than he has ever had to be in the past - does he have it in him to do it?
I would send him a letter in about 3/4 days saying that for some crazy reason you still love him and feel that you can work something out but only if he tells the truth and if you work together to find solutions. Anything less is doomed to failure and you have been hurt enough.

Thats all I want him to do is tell the truth. He keeps saying he didnt do anything wrong. My daughter tells me that he is so ashame and feel foolish. This girl even though she is 21 is still a child. This affair I believe started a week before hs birthday in Jan. 2010. She gave him balloons and a teddy bear--what grown woman does that. At the time I thought nothing of it because the OW has always given us something on our B-Day. My birthday is n Feb and she would give me flowers. On hs b-day was the day the I found the naked pics. The thing is I was pulling up the Bank site and what do I see OW naked sitting on the bathroom sink in a hotel. Scoll down and it comes fr WH iphone. He told me these phone do strange things and that pics wasnt meant for me I was sending it back to her to tell her u sent me a pic by mistake and wife is po. Clearly this fool thinks I said ok I could see that happening--I understand baby its not your fault. I just smile and shake my head and look at him like---Please stop talking

He came over early this morning to our daughter's apartmentI dont . He was asking her how I was doing and do I need anything like money, clothes. She told him I dont need anything right now. She told him to let me have some piece for couple of days. He told I need to come home today--We need to talk about this. My daughter told her dad that clearly you are not running anything--My mom is and when she is ready to talk she will let u know. I feel horrible today and I just laying in the bed.

Yep, rest, relax, and just take care of you.

So your WH works for a major soda company? That is great news!!!! Major soda companies do NOT NOT NOT want the negative publicity that comes with the sort of lawsuits that OWBF is fully entitled to bring, and win.

They will be bending over backwards to resolve this quickly, both regarding BF and WH.

You're going to have the kind of corporate help with A-busting - if you demand it from them - that most of us only dream of.

I would just ask one of my friends to send the following text:


"Vivi found the tape. Lying is useless. Your only chance is to tell the truth, ditch the ho, and be a man. And do it publicly."

vivi,

Can you tell us what happened with your first marriage, how you met this husband, and how your marriage to him began, as well as some history of how the marriage has been going overall up to now? It can help us see where you've been and how things have gotten to where they are.

This is a woman who knows what side is up! She's a great ally to have on your side.

He may or may not admit to the truth and do what it takes but in either case you will be alright. I know if might be hard to believe but you will.

And I am NOT, absolutely not saying this to excuse him in any way but it must have been an incredible ego-rush for a man of his age to discover that he can attract a 21 year old, even a silly, moral-less, pathetic one like this. He knows very well how wrong he was in what he did and that's why he is denying everything. In ways you are doing him a service by forcing him to face up to himself. How he reacts now is the key. Keep doing what you are doing. You are spot-on.