Let me tell u guys how trusting I was When I found the naked pics on his B-day: 1/26 I comforted him as soon as he walked n the door. He led me to believe the pics were not meant for him and he let her know she sent them to him by mistake. But on the computer it saod they came from his Iphone and he tells me thats how the phone works it does weird things like that. I let her know I found the pics and to stay away fr my house. I didnt see her or the kids for about 3 months. But then all of a sudden the babygirl started coming around asking for me so my WH would meet her on the corner and bring her to the house. She then text me to say she was sorry about the pics and that they were meant for her boyfriend. Dumb me forgave her and moved on. I then started babysitting for her (she is Vet"s Asst) People started seeing them at the park, at Mickey"s D Wal Mart. He started going to the casinos all of sudden every other weekend I found a receipt for the Raddison and it had 2 people staying there. I ask WH about that and get this he tells he had thought about surprising me and taking me with him but he changed his mind since the price was the same he didnt change it. I have been a complete fool. OW ex-boyfriend knew something was up and not right she would always leave saying she was going for a walkand would be gone for hours. I be back u guys have to take care of something rt quick

I can't believe how trusting I was this mess started back on WH B-day 1/26. I am so upset right now. I know I need tell everything and I will. My mind is going thousand miles a min I will talk to u guys later Thank you again for being there for me

That's a good start. We're still missing some key information, like what finally clicked to bring you on here?

Based on your first posts, it sounded as if you had just found the naked pictures, and that caused you to seek help.


If you hold back information, our advice may well be flawed, because it could be based on a faulty premise. Please tell the rest of the story as soon as possible.

Don't beat yourself up Vivi - it's not you on trial here. We're human - we're wired to trust our loved ones.

Rely on your family to get you through this. Your real life family as well as those here.

I personally have never ever experienced this. I only stumbled across this site because I knew my marriage was not what I wanted it to be. I was blind for close to 5 years before I woke up! The folks here and the stories have strengthened me and my marriage.

I wish you well and please know that you've touched a lot of people with your story. Stay Strong!

Ok u guys I had been dealing with this mess for awhile. I was on line looking for something to deal with infidelityand run across this site. I had been dealing with this by myself. WH lied to me about then naked pics i found on his laptop. I was told that were meant for someone else. But the history of the computer states it came fr his Iphone which he said the phone does crazy thing he was sending the pics back to her to show her that she made a mistake by sending him the pics and his wife saw them and she is very PO. At the time I ask him if he was sleeping with the OW and he flat out told me no and how would you thing I would do something so low dow thats how it started. So I let it go for a long time. So here I am on this thread. It took me awhile to get here. I so wanted to believe my WH. Her Ex-boyfriend knew it before me. They wanted to make it seem he was the jealous boyfriend. Then her Ex got a hold of her old phone with the voicemail of the two of them talking nasty to each other. She tried her hardest to get it back. So things are getting worse--talking about betrayl. this youg woman was like a daughter to me and her kids are like my grandkids. This hurts so bad. I waited too long to seek help bottom line guys. I need alot of work on myself

This is getting harder for me right now I still have alot to do After getting my hair done, i am giving copies of the tapes to people that need to see them the OW dad sisters and my family members---I asn scared at this moment--I dont know what my WH will do once he finds the tapes are out there but we will see.

From this, I gather that Vivi's WH already knows about the "film" and the minicam.

I understand how a spouse can be fooled by a WS. (12 months since pics). In fact, I thought the story was unravelling a little too quickly (I found pics, I found VM, I found evedince, I found film) to be real (sorry Vivi, but we do get pozers on here)

makes better sense now.

When was this?

When was the very first time you thought something was a little off between H and this OW?

What details are you remembering now that lead you to think your H has had other affairs? (besides the fact that he's acting like such a scumbag)


Why do the sisters all live with their mom?


I hope you enjoy your time at the salon today!

I could understand how some of u could doubt my story the way I was rambling. I am sorry for that. This is not a game to me or anyone else caught up n a situation like this. As I told u guys Its so much mess within this year. I really need u guys support. As for WH sisters living with their mom, none of them have ever been married and they are real close to their mom. They had their own places fr time to time but always went back to their mom for whatever reason.

When she was a teenager I knew she had a crush on WH and I told her. She tells me Oh He like my 2nd dad and he is to talk to. I did not think anything about it cause young girls get crushes. It was after her having 3 babies I started to notice she was always coming over. My WH hangs outside alot so she would walk by with the babies n the stroller just to say hi. She would come n the house to say hi to me and then leave or so I thought. 2 hours later I would go outside and she is still standing there talking. By this time her BF would come by and tells her I thought u were talking the kids for a walk and he would take the kids and leave with her still standing there. She tells me he is jealous of my WH and their realtionship. I am like oh he is young and we have known u since 12 maybe he just dont understand suggested to start inviting hm to r home when she comes over. She claims she have ask him to come with her. She has gone out to dinner with us several times and when I didnt feel like going I would them to go ahead--I looked at her like a child so I wasnt worry. Now I feel so played by a young woman. Telling me u are like my mom and I love you. Within this year my WH has lied to me about everything. From giving her a ride to work (He would meet her n the park which is around the corner fr us) My grandson saw them one morning (He is 18) He ask my DD is grandma and papa okay? I am like your grandson has seen you with this ho. I went to get something out of my car this morning and there was a note let on it fr OW. Same old song She is sorry and didnt mean for it happen please forgive her and lets talk--I am like this girl got some brain cells missing for real why would I ever want to talk to her again. Saying I will always be the babies godmother. Well I am on my way to cut all my hair off (I made the decision to cut it) Guys, have a nice day

Oh the thing that happen in the garage was n the summer (July) Her kids were out there with them at the time The kid's ages are (5) (4) (3) The two younger ones just had a B-day and like for two days these 2 are the same ages (Nov.26 & Nov 28) The older boy will be 6 in Jan

Silly us, vivi. We trusted people to act responsibly and decent.

As we learn more from MB about how adultery WILL happen unless extraordinary precautions are taken to prevent it, betrayed and wayward spouses alike come to realize infidelity was inevitable given the "right" set of circumstances.

Sucks, but it's the truth.

Please don't beat yourself up. You couldn't prevent what you didn't know.

Now you know better.

Have you thought more about other affairs he may have had in the past?

It's not a question of doubting vs. not doubting. The basic principles of MB are one-size-fits-all, but the actual execution of the plans, the timing, the day-to-day nuts-and-bolts advice is tailored based on each individual situation.

The advice I have given you so far has been based on the assumption (based on what you posted), that you had just found out about all this two weeks ago. The details of my advice may well be quite different for someone who seems to have known about the A for much longer.

Please trust me that the events in the months and days leading up to your posting here are important for all of us to know, in order to give you the most effective help possible. It would be irresponsible of me to advise you based on one premise, if another is correct.

I fully understand how scattered someone is in your position, having been through it myself. That's why I'm hoping my specific questions, targeted on areas where I need more information, will make it easier for you to remember everything you need to share.

How are you holding up today?

I also knew that my sister had a crush on my H ... before he and I ever met. It was obvious to all. But I just thought it turned into a fondness for him the way she was fond of various men. She's always been overly flirty and overly "fun" around men; most people realize this. It never occurred to me that there was danger ahead. I know that sounds foolish now, but really? My own sister?

So, vivi, this adulterous affair between your H and OW has been percolating for some time, not just January of this year. She's obviously had an inappropriate emotional attachment to your H for years. It'll be interesting for you to determine when you think it began to be reciprocated by your H.

I truly believe that it happen in Jan of this year. Like I said I knew she had a crush on him but silly me paid no attention cause she was a kid at the time. My GF never like her said she was too sneaky. I was like she just a child and we give her alot of attention. She is harmless. man, was I wrong. Well i cut all my hair off and I like it alot. My DD is so shock that i cut it that short. After I got my hair cut I went to the park and just started crying so bad that i had to call my GF to pick me up. I feel so used and abuse right now. What did i do to deserve this. My GF wants me to go and talk to someone. She does not like the way I look. She said I am too little and i dont look healthy at all. She wants me to stay with her since my DD and SNL work all day and she is home all the time. She dont want me to be alone right now. I just have my moment where I break down fr time to time. Today is a very bad day for meI will talk to u guys later

I thought the hair cut would help me today

Hi Viv,

The haircut was a great thing to do! You have to continue making choices of taking care of yourself - everyday - whatever that looks like for you! It's the cumulative effect of doing this that will help you - you may not feel it today, but you chose to do it. What will you choose for tomorrow that will be good for Viv - a facial? A new pair of shoes or boots, a new jacket - or set up a meeting with your pastor for some advice, reading a book (surviving an Affair), a good healthy lunch out with a friend, a movie - you'll know.

Some things that helped me - a repentant WH, reading, praying, taking care of myself, having good people who knew when to let me be alone, and when to help me - and the realization that his affair wasn't about me. I spent way to much time internalizing his choices trying to convince myself it in some way was my fault because I'd gained a little weight, and wasnt pretty enough - dont do this to yourself. Truth is we could all improve in areas and we all should. The other thing was spending time with WH, but
only after true repentance.

Be careful about spending any time in your situation with your WH unless he can truly acknowledge this affair, apologize, show remorse, affirm the pain he has caused to you and be willing to do just about everything different from now on - this should include phone and Internet accountability, accountability for all of his whereabouts at all times - willingness to move away from OW and NC for life with her and any other(s) should there be.

Weather you choose to work on a plan towards reconciliation or divorce - you are going to have bad days, times of breaking down crying, this is a traumatic event. You have endured the lying, gas lighting for way too long. Getting away from that was one of the best things you could do for yourself.

Keep up the good work Viv.

This is not your fault. It stinks that you're the one having to deal with all of it, unfortunately that's just how it is.

Good that you did something for you - the hair cut. It's not magically going to help you feel ok, but it is something special that was just for you. What else can you do nice for yourself today?

Since you're having trouble organizing your thoughts as to the history of this A, I'll put together a list that you can just go along and type your answers in. Hopefully it will be easier on you that way. It makes a big difference to know the complete history.

For now, why not go for a walk - it's good for you and releases mood-lifting hormones. Take very good care of you.

Yes OW has always flirted with men. When she was pregnant with her 2nd child, she flirted with my SNL. Before my DD and SNL moved here he stayed with us because of a job he was doing in AZ for his Co. When she came over she would follow him around saying how cute he was. He never looked her way so she eventually she stopped. I think that upset her cause now she hardly says 2 words to him before I found out about the affair. If there are guys around she is hanging around. Its like everyone in our neighborhood suspected something going on between OW and my WH. My DD told one of the neighbors would see them in my WH truck playing around while I was n the house. Like I said before he spend a time outside n the garage. where we live the weather is nice most of the time. How low down can u get. There is a nice strip mall within walking distance. I will walk there this evening. How could I still love this man after all this I am so glad we don't have little children during this time. I have another appt. with my Dr tomorrow to go over my tests. Neak I like your suggestion of organizing my thoughts on paper about the A---Thank you I appreciate everything u have written to me. My DD thinks I should talk to my WH in a few days. He is still calling her asking about me and want to talk about are marriage. Saying there will be no divorce ever.

He can say that all day long....it isn't his decision. This is American and you can divorce him if you want..he can't stop you.

Not saying that is what you should do or what you WANT to do...but it isn't his call.

(((Vivi)))