HERE IS YOUR PLAN:


Ok. Take a deep breath. First off, you are getting bad advice from the counselor. I am sure you C means well, but she is not very familiar with Marriage Builders or how to save a marriage from an affair.

The affair should be exposed wide and far. The more people who know, the better. Expose to her parents, your parents, employer, the OM's friends and family [facebook] her grandparents, pastor and close friends. CAll the family members and tell them all about the affair. Tell them you love your wife and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end her affair. We have a sample letter you can send to OM's facebook friends. Copy all his friends into a WORD doc and send them a private email. [we have sample letters] Prioritize the targets with parents, family and then married friends.

Time your exposures to hit all on the same day so it has a tsunami ["nuclear ] effect. This will give you the maximum effect and prevent them from pre-empting you.

When that is done you DEMAND she end her affair. NOW. Sit her down and have this little talk with her. Tell her, I will NOT remain in a marriage with 3 people. Your continuing affair is disrespectful and hurtful to me and I insist you end all contact with OM NOW. If not, we are headed for divorce, baby.


And this means she quits the job, gives you her cell phone, her passwords, so you have absolute proof that contact has ended. Tell her in order to keep you interested in this marriage she will have to engage in a program of recovery.

Here is what Dr Harley says about exposure:

Exposure

i understand how it got to this point as far as us not meeting each others needs but i just can't understand why when i first confronted her she didn't end it? i guess she only has that answer or i guess he was meeting needs that i wasn't and it really sucks! i wish i would have found his needs her needs earlier but i guess it is what it is. so confused, so hurt, just want to get my wife back to work on us so we can have a great relationship like so many other survivors out there.

She didn't end it because she didn't HAVE TO. Who wouldn't want TWO men meeting her needs?

So, if you want to save this, I would get to work on your exposure. Did you read my notes on how to do it? Does the loserOM have a facebook page? Are you ready to open up the gates of hell on his head?

And do you have a cowboy hat?

[t/j] I sure as he11 don't want two men meeting my needs, Mel.

tombstone is one of my favorite movies. my family lives a ways away as we moved for my job. so that support system is far away. i know they would think awful of her and wouldn't blame them. if it did work between us i wouldn't want this to come between the relationships that they have. i feel if i told her mom and dad (mom cheated on her dad) that they would look down on her choice. do you all think this should be done before the holidays as we are leaving to head back home this weekend or should this all be done now? fyi...he is leaving for like 3 weeks as well but i assume they would still talk. i agree the sooner the better but in no way do i want to have an awkward christmas with my family. any suggestions. i would love to bust his [censored] and call him out on this and say quit it with my wife or hells coming with me haha.

Read this again - dang it Mel, just when I'm feeing all 'wordy' you come out with some of your finest!

Here you go, Court. Thoughts? Questions?

[Grabs Court by the ears]: Man, your wife is playing sit-n-spin on another man! Christmas is going to be awkward whether you cover that up or not!!! And you want to let it slide until after the holidays? (Talk about putting the "Christ!" back in Christmas!... jeez, pal...)

The whole friggin' POINT is to make this all as AWKWARD for her as can be!!! No, it ain't gonna be merry & it ain't gonna be fun, but it's the only way to save your marriage!!!!!

Personal true story: When my other woman's husband found her out, I was confronted with the probability that my wife, family & friends would all find out. That made my affair pretty darned awkward! SO awkward, in fact, that I made a quick calculation of what I valued in life (it took me about .00004 seconds) and called my wife to confess, and told the other woman it was over, all before lunch. Exposure works. Don't TELL her or forewarn her, just DO it. The whole idea is to make her head swim. AWKWARD is exactly what you want. AWKWARD kills affairs. AWKWARD may give you a chance to save the marriage.

Me either. BTDT. It ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Do they have phones where you are? If so, I would inform your family so they can support you. Your mother will be very hurt that you dont't.


It SHOULD come between your relationships. Your family will be very angry that your wife did this to you. But if your wife is old enough to screw around, she is a big enough gurl to face your parents and apologize. Don't treat her like she is some dumb child who can't be accountable.


As they should.


Oh no, you should not tolerate this. She should NOT be allowed to talk to that as*hat in your presence.


This is the PERFECT time to do it. Right before you go home for the holidays. And she will have to either a) stay home alone and have a miserable Christmas, b) come face your families. But as long as you expose to the OM's family, she likely can't go with him because what kind of people would allow her darken their doorstep?

This is all GREAT TIMING for a big ole exposure.

whatevah!!

What he said. Seriously, your wife is having sleep-overs at her boyfriend's house whenever she feels like it. Could your life really get more awkward?

Expose, and do it now. You NEED to tell your family. You need to put as much pressure on her as is humanly possible. You don't need to worry right now about what they're going to think about her. If you don't do this, you won't have to worry about her relationship with your parents anyway, since you won't have a wife anymore to worry about.

This will be perfect because if you do this NOW, she will run to the OM at first and he will hear all her bitching. Then he leaves for 3 weeks and she is WITH YOU as the affair crumbles and DIES.

I am giddy with excitement at the strategic opportunities here!!

Great post! Awkward=GOOD!!!

Since this is a workplace affair, I would send this letter to the Director of Human Resources and cc a key VP and both their supervisors. It is important to cc these ppl so no one is tempted to deep six the letter.

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

BS
_________________________

Facebook exposure letters

Dear friend of Joe Scumbag,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Joe had an affair with my wife, Sally, from Aug until September. I believe that his friends should know this, so you can protect your marriage from him. My wife and I have 2 small daughters and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify his parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BH

Dear friend of Skankyhola,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends should be aware that Skanky is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years. They have been having this affair since October according to the evidence.
I would be happy to provide the evidence to anyone who asks.

I would ask that you use your influence with Skanky to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.
Thank you, BW

I'd like to add some food for thought on this thread. This woman met this man when she was 16/17. She was a child. If anything, I find it creepy that a 24, 25 year old man was dating a teen.

I'll be the contrarian. YOu have no kids. You marred a child and someone who was obviously not equipped for marriage. You have no kids. She's sleeping with another man. You've been a dad, not a lover. Let her go. This marriage had disaster written all over it from the start.

Want to save your marriage? Expose. But the fact that you dated a child says a lot about you. Frankly, it's a little disturbing.

She's really just now becoming an adult and obviously still has a lot of growing up to do.

What's going to happen is that you'll likley get her pregnant and a few years from now will be back while you babysit your 2 year old and she's out trying to find herself and attempting to relive some lost youth.

Let this one go.

I wasn't sure whether this

meant dating for six months or six years.

I'm not sure which one is better. Six months would suggest that they married too soon. Six years, and...as you say.

There is no way she is going to stay the night with him and have no sex!!! That is what he wants and wouldn't waste his time without it. She knows that you are not stupid enough to believe they are not having sex but since you are going along with it she will continue. The longer this goes on the more likely she will stay with him. Look expose now or your marriage is likely over!!! Waiting till after the holidays only helps continue the affair.

Helpthelostdads,

I think you might have a point there.

CK