A warning to keep posts helpful, productive and on topic. It is not helpful to chastise posters for their family size. The purpose here is to help this poster implement MB goals in his marriage. If you don't concur with those goals, please start your own thread rather than disrupting this one.

Perhaps they already have!

Bubbles, often when something unexpectedly breaks, a family will not be able IMMEDIATELY and INSTANTLY have it repaired or replaced. Heck, that's often the case for a single person with no children. That does not mean they do not plan their finances.

I think you made a huge leap in your thinking that just because they have not rushed out and replaced a washing machine that they don't plan their finances....and an even huger leap that they don't plan their children because they can't buy a washing machine today.

Because the arrangements that have to be made are still the same. If you want to leave your home for a date, you have to get a babysitter...whether it's for 1 child or 10...you still have to get a sitter.

When Papabear and I wanted to go out on a date when we had only 1 YOUNG child, we had to set up a babysitter.

When we wanted to go on a date when we had 5 YOUNG children, we had to make the SAME arrangements.

Now, we have 5 OLDER children, and we don't have to make those arrangements anymore. We tell the children where we are going, we kiss them good-bye, and we skip out the door.

Much easier to have UA time NOW, with 5 kids, than it was to have UA time with 1. It's the AGE, not how many.




I'm not sure what Prisca is having a difficult time with. I'm hoping to hear from her about that.

It is nice when they get older. I agree.

But I'm not thinking so much that the problem is 'going out.' But rather how Prisca is processing it. How 6 small children (one a newborn) is affecting her overall. And as you say, we can't know because she isn't posting her story.

I'd like to hear also.

The babes are already here! Last time I checked, St. Peter sends them off with a no return policy (until many, many years later!)
My grandma used to say to the generally opinionated...(she had a big Catholic family) "Well, that may be a good idea. Which one would you have me send back?"

P.S. We have some Romanian families in our district with 14 siblings. They are some of the best students. No they are not wealthy.

In my art class I have had at least one member of one certain family at least once a year for about 20 years.

I think I would have liked that lady!

I know that our family is considered "large" in the MB neighborhood, but we are just an average size family in our IRL circle. We have friends with 1-2 children, and we have friends with 8....10....14 children. And, no, they aren't rich either.

Markos, I hope to hear from Prisca on the forum or email. Please let her know that I would love to be a support for her through this.

There is nothing wrong with having 6 children close together in age. It can be done well, and the parents can still have room for US time. But as SMB said, it does require a little more planning and dedicated routines than with older children. Free time isn't simply going to happen with 6 little ones around, you have to plan for it and defend it against encroachment. And if one spouse needs for the DS to be fairly well along before they can relax during UA time, then you need to have plans and backup plans to make sure that happens. Because, as others have said, life predictably throws unexpected obstacles in one's path. The plan to free up UA time must have enough flexibility to accommodate change. Not easy. But those who have done it tell me it is very worthwhile.

Markos.
Chicago, right?

Craigslist. All summer the "extra" machine has sat in the garage. (moving, moving in, updates, don't need another washer) and now that is is snowing out, everyone seriously wants RID of the machine taking up space in the coveted garage.

You would not beleive the stories I hear. I really like people.

Texas, I'm afraid. You may have me confused with someone else whose name begins with "Mark" and who likes Marriage Builders.

You don't yike us??

Looks like a pretty common sense way for any family to live.

Don't waste money.
Don'g go into debt.
Save.
Be creative.
Plan ahead.
Have a treat once in awhile.

Do you have a minute for Gdar's thread?

My neighbor has 3 small boys, and she knows if she asks someone to sit the 3 of them, it will be a one time deal. So she'll send two to one person and 1 to the other. Another friend has only two small boys, and DD14 sat for them once, I doubt she will again. Thoughtfulness takes time to teach; it's not an overnight thing. My kids were naturally easy, but I know my friends with more difficult kids are just as good parents as I am, the kids just have different dispositions.

Markos, are your kids easy?

I just meant I'm afraid he was mistaken about where I live, not that I'm afraid I live in Texas.

I like almost everything about Texas. Summer temperatures being the main exception.

The thing is, Bubbles, we've read a lot of that kind of material, and we're perfectly capable of solving the various problems of this life we've chosen ... when things are going well in our marriage. We've seen both good times and bad times in our marriage. Our marriage, in good times, is the powerhouse that makes this possible. When it's bad, our capacity for taking care of things is reduced.

Depressed people are people who tend to have trouble seeing the solutions to their problems. Right now Prisca and I are making each other depressed. We are capable of doing exactly the opposite and have done so in the past, and will do so in the future: we fulfill each other in such a way that we become capable of so much more.

{So, when you look at all my posts above and wonder why I don't see obvious things, there's your reason. I'm depressed. The number one thing that causes depression in women is their relationship. Dr. Harley says the number one thing that causes depression in men is their careers; personally I'm not seeing my career as a source of depression, right now.}

{So here I am, depressed, and in a hole. TIME TO START DIGGING.}

They are pretty variable, if you ask me. They can be pretty rambunctious, and I'd say one of our boys has some issues with impulse control. (Of course, he's THREE. I think everybody has SOME issues with impulse control at that age. )

Yet at the gym we've been going to which provides childcare, we've been told they've not been a behavior problem at all. And we can go to a restaurant and sit down and have dinner as a family without any major issues, to the great amazement of lots of folks. We regularly sit through church without having to take anyone out for discipline problems.

As a mom of 8, I can tell you that pregnancy and childbirth are a common cause of depression in women. In your wife's case, it might not be her relationship that is causing the depression. She has had 6 babies in 6 years. I had my 1st 6 kiddos in 10 years and I can honestly say it takes a toll on a woman's body to do that. (And mine were more spaced apart than yours.)

I have read a good # of pages from this thread. I have to say that I was absolutely floored that you locked yourself in your room and left Prisca with the kids. That you even could consider such a thing speaks volumes to the level of disrespect you can show. You are just as much responsible for chores and childcare as she is. (And Hold, Sugar, SMB, and Gdar have hit the nail on the head with their advice about UA, DS, chores and even how to get the kids doing age appropriate chores.)

Markos, you've got to work on *you*. If you believe/know that you are suffering from depression, then get help for it. If you think Prisca has depression, please have a medical provider assess her. They use a test called the Edinburgh Post Natal Depression Scale to rate the symptoms and stress levels associated with PPD. I'm not saying Prisca has PPD. But you mentioned depression, and you'll want a Dr or midwife to make sure it isn't PPD.

Something I've also been wondering, do you and Prisca have a loving, support network of family and friends? Are there other couples in your circle who have the same values regarding family that you and Prisca have?