I know u guys don't know me and i know my writing can be confusing to some, for that i apologize.

Vivi, I wasn't implying that you use your children. I was asking you to NOT use one of your children as your IM.

Could you answer this question please?

Also Vivi, I forget, how old are you?

I am sorry I got upset with u. As u can see i am so stressed out right now and I know u r trying to help.

I am 54 and my WH is 51

I was still taking care of the kids n Nov. So it would have to be sometime n early Dec. It was real close. She was in our home for Thanksgiving. The little girl stayed with in early Dec. When WH text me fr Wal Mart after GF ran into them. That was when he accidently text me by mistake asking: where r u and I text him back stating this is your wife. I am sorry for the confusion on my part. I just feel really stupid right now thinking about how much I trusted this girl. I can no longer see my godbabies. I loved those kids with all my heart. Tonight I feel so low and very heartbroken. Again I am sorry

I believe I need to leave my DD and SNL place because there apartment is just around the corner from our home. i could walk to my house fr their place less than 5 min. Right now I have to go to a different Wal Greens to keep from running into them. Its like I've done something wrong.

Can my WH get me for abandonment?

He might try, but I think you would have a pretty good defense, too.

Thank u Neak. i can tell people on this thread have alot of respect for u

Abandoning what? Your house? People leave their homes for extended periods all the time.

vivi, I am starting to wonder exactly what your plan is, here. It is time for you to do something. We know the position you're in, many of us have been there. What are you going to do?

Vivi, can you bring us up to speed on what has happened since you found the minicam 8 days ago? Has this A been exposed to everyone? What does your H say in his defense?

What is your PLAN?

I can't get the gist of your plan from your posts - you're spending a lot of time posting about how trusting you were, how naive, how upset you are, etc.

We gotcha on that, vivi. We know how upset you are. And I don't want to seem mean, BUT: you're not going to help yourself if you insist upon inaction and choose to spend this time dwelling on things that are immaterial right now! It doesn't matter right now, how much you loved those kids. It doesn't matter right now that you feel taken advantage of. It doesn't matter right now that you shouldn't have been so trusting.

Vivi, what are you going to do with your marriage now?

My plan is to eventually forgive this man. Am I suppose to do it right now? You are not being mean, u are being honest and i understand u guys have gone through the same thing. Right now I have so much malice in my heart and last night I really tried to write a letter to my WH. I have no kinds words to say. I am a good wife, never cheated on this man, always treated him with Love and Respect. I pray to God to remove this malice from my heart.

vivi,

I have a question for you. Have you read about Plan A and Plan B on this website?

I highly recommend that you get HNHN and SAA, books written by Dr. Harley, to help you cope and learn what you might do IF you want to recover your marriage. I don't know that anyone has asked you these things yet.

Have you read all that you can on this website? You need to move forward and get a plan for how you are going to deal with all this.

Of course you have malice in your heart towards your WH right now, that is normal.

That being said, you have suffered a very traumatic experience, and I think that because you got a visual of your WH and OW having sex it makes it much worse. I mean, how does one cope with that? (((((hugs vivi)))).

But you have to get a plan, and there is so much information on this website to help you with this.

If your plan is to forgive this man, then you need to set the bar very high for your return to the marriage, and find the info you need to set the rules for continuing this marriage.

You have a lot of good people trying to help you here, and that is why they keep asking you if you have a plan.

I know you are reeling from all of this, and hopefully your AD's will kick in soon and level your emotions out so you can function again.

While you are recovering your senses at your DD's, I suggest you read all you can on this website and try to understand the principals of marriage builders so you can have a plan to recover your marriage and make it much better than it was in the past. You can have a new marriage, if you choose.

Get the information you need from this website to help you make the right choices for you. And remember, a lot of people are here to help you.

My only advice to you for now is that you have to understand that you can NEVER have contact with OW or her kids again. Neither can your WH if you want to recover your marriage. I know you love those children, but your WH and OW ruined that forever. It just is. Doesn't make it right or good, but it just is. You have to accept this and move forward. Those kids are NOT your responsibility.

Now, you have to come up with a PLAN on how to do this.

Best wishes to you vivi, you are WORTHY!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Okay, maybe I'm not wording this right. vivi, what is your next step? What are you going to do?? You seem to be spinning in place. What are you going to do next?

Thank you for your kind words. I started reading Plan A and some of Plan B instead of going through the whole thing to be honest with you. I don't really have a plan. U guys have been on me to write the letter to WH. I need to listen to u guys and stop messing around.

I am spinning around like a fool. I know my life will never be the same ever again. I get that and I need to stop this Pity Party!!!! Ok guys Please help me with Plan A

You want the malice gone?

Here you go; forgiveness is not yours to give, it is his to earn through action.

This critical step was the first thing that I had to let go of as a BS to be able to move forward. I do not obsess about forgiveness. I'm sure one day, when I think about it, I will forgive my FWW, but that day is not today.

Obsessing about forgiveness just left me in the muck. Mind you, I was not battling an active wayward, though she still had some fog in her thoughts and feelings.

Second; the only trust that you should allow to return, is the trust that your spouse will love and protect you, not that your spouse would not cheat under any circumstances.

Again, this trust is earned, not given, through time and action.

When you let go of these two weights on your mind, you will be able to move forward into the next steps of recovery.

Now, what is your next step?

vivi, do you need help with your next step? I am concerned. You don't appear to be going forward.