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A lot can happen in 3 years. If she is still pining for some loser in jail, 3 yrs from now then you know that R is not real and she still has a wayward mindset. I would not worry about 'what if' years from now...focus on today. She can't write to him (is that correct?) or see him...good. Concentrate on today and what you can control. WW is still fogged out in her luuurve with OM thinking it/he was "special".
The feelings can go away but I suppose to some degree it may have to do with circumstances and personality. If your WW is one of those people who wants to live in self-delusion, then she may still have positive feelings for OM but she will have to lie to herself. Or she may realize how foolish she has been or see OM for what he really is. Either way, focus on the here and now.
Last edited by black_raven; 12/17/10 12:19 PM. Reason: typos
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jun 2008
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ok, pdc, this board is anonymous but the bottom line is that leaving out key details makes it very hard to help you. Everyone here senses that is the case.
And it is very relevant because on numerous occasions when we have suggested key things you have come back with cagey non-answers about why you can't do it. We obviously can't give you proper help if we don't understand the situation.
You don't have to give your names or state. It matters pdc. What you think is a minor detail may not be...no point wasting time with Y when you need Z.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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She admits to still loving the OM which I understand that feeling are what they are. Sorry, but again, as I mentioned on your last thread, whenever I hear things like this after several weeks of NC, it makes me concerned there has been some sort of contact. Just because he is in jail doesn't mean that they can't make phone calls. In addition, having pictures, letters, momentos from the affair will also keep your WW stuck. If there is anything like this, she is going to need to get rid of it to start moving out of her infatuation. pdc, I am not sure if I am misunderstanding the situation, but if she was having sex with this boy while he was underage, I really feel you need to let posters know that.
Last edited by SusieQ; 12/17/10 12:34 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2010
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Over a decade ago, I was the WH. In my case, yes, the "love" fades to a distant memory. I actually wouldn't call it love. It was an emotional need that was being met in a very destructive way. I look back with regret about it. As I moved on in life with my wonderful wife, I was no longer that selfish person who inflicted great pain on my wife. Eventually for me, the emotional attachment to my memories faded.
Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40
2011: In recovery
A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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You are not being honest with us. Lies by omission are just as bad as the other kind of direct lying.
Without knowing the truth the advice you will recieve can be bad advice.
What is certain is that you choose not to trust us.
No such thing as a closure letter being acceptable in your case. NC letter and CL are not the same.
In your case based on you hiding facts, there never will a right time for a closure letter. I think you are confusing that there never can be a time limit on exposure and a NC letter.
Your WW wanting to send a CL is indicating that she is still needs to complete withdrawal.
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