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I am sorry u guys. Today I am very angry. I had to leave my house because of their skankiness. As u guys can see I dont tuck my tail and hide when u guys talk harshly to me. I can take it
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I will think long and hard before I decide to see my WH. Either way until leaves OW alone, there is no Plan A. Why Do I have to move--I did nothing wrong! I'm just trying to get a handle on what you are doing. It's been about, what, 9 days since you left? What kind of contact, if any, has there been between you and WH since then? I may have missed it, but it looks like you got word to him that he needs to dump OW, and he got word to you that you need to return home. Is that about it?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I will think long and hard before I decide to see my WH. Either way until leaves OW alone, there is no Plan A. Why Do I have to move--I did nothing wrong! I understand the motivation behind this thought completely, but the answer is simple. To achieve readiness for one of two goals; marital reconciliation, or divorce. No, you didn't do anything wrong, what you are trying to do is right and righteous. Big breaths.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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No I have not told him that yet I was going to do it today. My DD talked to him and he told her that I need to return home (that was awhile ago) I have not seen this man. He came to my DD and SNL apartment trying to see me and they told him to leave me alone.
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Well, a couple of things.
1. Plan A is normally done
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Weird, I'm not sure how that happened. Let's try again.
1. Plan A is normally done RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ACTIVE ADULTEROUS AFFAIR.
Plan A knowing the WS is in constant C with OP
Plan A while WS flagrantly flaunts the OP around town
Plan A knowing the AP's are rutting like p.....anyhoo
2. Plan A attempts to negotiate the end of the A.
"It is not ok with me for you to be dating someone else while you are M'd to me.
"There is not room in our M for 3 people."
"I will not stay in a M with 3 people."
"In order for our M to R, you need to agree to have NC with OW, and we need to move."
3. Plan A DOES NOT AT THAT TIME FOLLOW THE ABOVE STATEMENTS WITH ACTION.
Boundaries are stated.
Expectations are stated.
Hopes may be occasionally expressed.
For the most part, these are not backed up with consequences, other than exposure.
4. Plan B is where ALL THE CONSEQUENCES COME CRASHING DOWN AT ONCE.
Plan A gets a WS comfortable again around their spouse.
Plan A feeds a WS cake (meeting EN's) while the A is still ongoing.
Plan B cuts off the comfort.
Plan B cuts off the cake.
Plan B protects the BS, and shows the WS what the rest of their life may be like, kind of like with Scrooge - the Spirit of Marriage Yet to Come.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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So...my opinion Vivi, is *if* you meet WH (and only you know if you are strong enough to do so), you should certainly give him the chance to tell the truth.
Vivi: I wanted to ask what your intentions are, toward me and your adultery partner.
WH: Blah blah over-reacting blah blah blah.
Vivi: It is not going to work for our M to have an extra person in it.
WH: Blah blah not an extra person blah.
Vivi: I have the tape. I do not, and will not believe your lies. Are you ready to tell the truth?
WH: Blah blah body double blah blah not how it looks blah you're crazy.
Vivi: (laughs) Well of course I don't believe you, silly, I've seen the tape. But I'll tell you what, I hate to see this excellent [coffee, pizza, whatever] go to waste, so let's talk about something else. How about those Vikings?
And proceed to just chat with him.
This is your opportunity to be sparkling and witty. Be your very best, and any time he tries to bring up his lies again, toss your hair, laugh, and say, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that till you're ready to tell the truth. Did you hear about the people getting killed by sharks in the Red Sea? Freaky!"
Etc .
That is how you can meet with him, give him an opening to tell the truth, and still turn it to your advantage WHEN he still lies.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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So...my opinion Vivi, is *if* you meet WH (and only you know if you are strong enough to do so), you should certainly give him the chance to tell the truth.
Vivi: I wanted to ask what your intentions are, toward me and your adultery partner.
WH: Blah blah over-reacting blah blah blah.
Vivi: It is not going to work for our M to have an extra person in it.
WH: Blah blah not an extra person blah.
Vivi: I have the tape. I do not, and will not believe your lies. Are you ready to tell the truth?
WH: Blah blah body double blah blah not how it looks blah you're crazy.
Vivi: (laughs) Well of course I don't believe you, silly, I've seen the tape. But I'll tell you what, I hate to see this excellent [coffee, pizza, whatever] go to waste, so let's talk about something else. How about those Vikings?
And proceed to just chat with him.
This is your opportunity to be sparkling and witty. Be your very best, and any time he tries to bring up his lies again, toss your hair, laugh, and say, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that till you're ready to tell the truth. Did you hear about the people getting killed by sharks in the Red Sea? Freaky!"
Etc .
That is how you can meet with him, give him an opening to tell the truth, and still turn it to your advantage WHEN he still lies. Neak------You Rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Neak---Thank you for this. When I grow up I want to be just like you!!!! I change the time to meet with WS. (He claimed he had to work late) We are having lunch tomorrow which is fine with me. I did not talk to him directly--we were texting the info)
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I will let u guys know what happen. I hope I make u guys proud of me tomorrow
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I will let u guys know what happen. I hope I make u guys proud of me tomorrow More important, make YOURSELF proud.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I've just read the script quite a few times. 
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Oh My Gosh, Oh My Gosh, Oh My Gosh ! ! ! ! ! !
This is the BEST example of a BS-to-WS conversation I've ever heard !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Vivi: I wanted to ask what your intentions are, toward me and your adultery partner.
WH: Blah blah over-reacting blah blah blah.
Vivi: It is not going to work for our M to have an extra person in it.
WH: Blah blah not an extra person blah.
Vivi: I have the tape. I do not, and will not believe your lies. Are you ready to tell the truth?
WH: Blah blah body double blah blah not how it looks blah you're crazy.
Vivi: (laughs) Well of course I don't believe you, silly, I've seen the tape. But I'll tell you what, I hate to see this excellent [coffee, pizza, whatever] go to waste, so let's talk about something else. How about those Vikings?
And proceed to just chat with him.
This is your opportunity to be sparkling and witty. Be your very best, and any time he tries to bring up his lies again, toss your hair, laugh, and say, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that till you're ready to tell the truth. Did you hear about the people getting killed by sharks in the Red Sea? Freaky!"
Etc .
That is how you can meet with him, give him an opening to tell the truth, and still turn it to your advantage WHEN he still lies.
Neak, you ROCK!!!!!
In other words ~ Vivi, it is very important that you remain calm, cool, collected AND IN CONTROL of your conversation with WH!!! You can only do that IF you are emotionally & mentally prepared...
That means, Vivi, you must check your "emotions" at the door! Maintain your "cognitive thinking" while you are with WH!
He has taken advantage of you in the past by preying on your "emotions"! You've got to change the way you "think" about your "feelings"!!!!!!!
NOW ~ ~ ~
Vivi ~ Memorize your lines so that you can recite them when WH starts the gaslighting!!!
Do NOT become entangled "when" he attempts to manipulate your thoughts & emotions!
You must NOT get sucked in to his control in any way!!!!!
Looking forward to hearing from you after your meeting...
YOU CAN DO THIS!
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
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So...my opinion Vivi, is *if* you meet WH (and only you know if you are strong enough to do so), you should certainly give him the chance to tell the truth.
Vivi: I wanted to ask what your intentions are, toward me and your adultery partner.
WH: Blah blah over-reacting blah blah blah.
Vivi: It is not going to work for our M to have an extra person in it.
WH: Blah blah not an extra person blah.
Vivi: I have the tape. I do not, and will not believe your lies. Are you ready to tell the truth?
WH: Blah blah body double blah blah not how it looks blah you're crazy.
Vivi: (laughs) Well of course I don't believe you, silly, I've seen the tape. But I'll tell you what, I hate to see this excellent [coffee, pizza, whatever] go to waste, so let's talk about something else. How about those Vikings?
And proceed to just chat with him.
This is your opportunity to be sparkling and witty. Be your very best, and any time he tries to bring up his lies again, toss your hair, laugh, and say, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that till you're ready to tell the truth. Did you hear about the people getting killed by sharks in the Red Sea? Freaky!"
Etc .
That is how you can meet with him, give him an opening to tell the truth, and still turn it to your advantage WHEN he still lies. Brilliant. Rinse and repeat.
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Vivi.....
Topics that are not his lies......
Huge snow storm in Colorado!
flooding in California!
Brett Favre out with Concussion!,,,OMG
red shoes are the new black! !
Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
Happy.
Most recent D-day Fall 2005
Our new marriage began that day. Not easily, but it did happen.
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I will be meeting with WH at 4pm Deep Breaths Deep breaths I was up all night practicing (I am ready) I am going to rest for a bit now. I will let u guys know what happens at this meeting
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Vivi.....
Topics that are not his lies......
Huge snow storm in Colorado!
flooding in California!
Brett Favre out with Concussion!,,,OMG
red shoes are the new black! !
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The following is the quote that gets my vote! This should be printed off and placed on the bathroom mirror... Weird, I'm not sure how that happened. Let's try again.
1. Plan A is normally done RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ACTIVE ADULTEROUS AFFAIR.
Plan A knowing the WS is in constant C with OP
Plan A while WS flagrantly flaunts the OP around town
Plan A knowing the AP's are rutting like p.....anyhoo
2. Plan A attempts to negotiate the end of the A.
"It is not ok with me for you to be dating someone else while you are M'd to me.
"There is not room in our M for 3 people."
"I will not stay in a M with 3 people."
"In order for our M to R, you need to agree to have NC with OW, and we need to move."
3. Plan A DOES NOT AT THAT TIME FOLLOW THE ABOVE STATEMENTS WITH ACTION.
Boundaries are stated.
Expectations are stated.
Hopes may be occasionally expressed.
For the most part, these are not backed up with consequences, other than exposure.
4. Plan B is where ALL THE CONSEQUENCES COME CRASHING DOWN AT ONCE.
Plan A gets a WS comfortable again around their spouse.
Plan A feeds a WS cake (meeting EN's) while the A is still ongoing.
Plan B cuts off the comfort.
Plan B cuts off the cake.
Plan B protects the BS, and shows the WS what the rest of their life may be like, kind of like with Scrooge - the Spirit of Marriage Yet to Come.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Well I had the meeting with WH last night. The 1st thing he said when he saw me was Why did u cut your hair? I told him that I wanted a change. After the small talk (how have u been blah blah) I begain the conversation Here goes:
Me What are your plans with our marriage and your affair
WH I am not doing anything lowdown with that young woman
Me I have the tape of u and OW having sex (His eyes got so big I thought they would fall out of his head)
WH Its not my fault that this happened---she seduced me and before I knew it (he stopped talking)
Me I have seen the tape and I do not believe you, and a marriage consists of 2 not 3 people in it
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