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Barbiecat At no time did i say I wasnt going to help this young man. I appreciate this young man for standing up and you are attacking me.
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What? Where? Are you kidding me? Seriously.
Last edited by barbiecat; 12/23/10 01:18 PM.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I think most people, reading what Barbiecat said, would feel that she was bolstering you.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I think most people, reading what Barbiecat said, would feel that she was bolstering you. Yes. I did. No one is jumping on you Vivi. You are doing GREAT. (((Vivi)))
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Barbiecat At no time did i say I wasnt going to help this young man. I appreciate this young man for standing up and you are attacking me. She didn't attack you, vivi.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I guess the way I was feeling this morning (upset over BF being picked on) I took it the wrong way. To barbiecat: I am sorry for thinking u were attacking me. I know u are trying to help me.
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I saw WH Boss. The BF has nothing to worry about. WH can longer talk to him about his peformance at work (He has a Boss and its not him) He then ask me how i was doing and if I need anything to please let him know. WH boss is in shock that he would behave like this. He had notice little changes in him like a very short temper, taking long lunches, asking for days off (told me he was on a business trips) He is going to have a long talk with him. The BF will be back at work tomorrow. Hopefully there will be no more incidents like this because of WH skankiness. Mess like this makes me wonder is it worth the trouble?
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I don't know what his boss is going to do to WH at this time
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What? Where? Are you kidding me? Seriously.
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Absolutely do what ever you can to protect this man. I believe just handing BF the tape won't be enough. He needs somebody on his side. Go to HR and give them the tape yourself. Explain the sitch, your WHs behavior towards you recently and why thoings are the way they are. I believe BF has every right to go to HR regardless if he has been released or not. How can they keep him away legally? If he is released he will need support for wrongful termination. Give him whatever could help him. JMHO. I'm with you, except for one thing: I would not give them a copy of the tape. That might put you in a tricky legal position. I would certainly let them know that you found an explicit tape in your home that confirms their adulterous affair, and ask them to consider what your WH's true motivation may be in wanting BF out of there.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Sounds like the boss person will get this taken care of. You will probably not see immediate results from boss talking to WH, but every little bit helps in the long run.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Sounds like the boss person will get this taken care of. You will probably not see immediate results from boss talking to WH, but every little bit helps in the long run.
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I believe my WH is nervous. He gave this young man a job for the babies and then do something as sleazy as sleep with is GF.
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I told them about the tape. I really don't want to give out copies of the tape (I do have extra copies) Wh has affair and makes a video ( Real Smart)
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WH just text me asking to spend Christmas with his family (didn't mention anything that happen at work) I have not responded yet
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I would recommend telling him that he may join you for your Christmas celebration. You are not going back to that house, but he can come spend some time with the family at the location of your choosing, if you want.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Ok. This is about family and no mess on that day either. I don't want hear the lies plus that conversation is between us. I can tell u guys right now he is going to come in looking like the victim and its all my fault that we are not together and I need to come to my senses in this matter. Most of my family know the truth. Out of respect for me, they will treat him well and keep their opinions to themselves. I will let him know he can come. Happy Holidays to everyone! I know u guys are busy during this time but u always make time for people in need. For that I say Thank You
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Ok. I can tell u guys right now he is going to come in looking like the victim and its all my fault that we are not together and I need to come to my senses in this matter.
Vivi, Your WH's "Gaslighting History" is, well,
HISTORY!!!!!
Now that you know his "modus operandi" (that "gaslighting" has been his weapon of choice~MANIPULATION~all these years), you finally recognize gaslighting for what it is! I truly believe that, now that your eyes are WIDE OPEN when he starts using it, you will simply, very sweetly, with a smile on your face, REBUKE him by saying something like:
"I am willing to allow YOU to suffer the 'consequences' of YOUR poor choices, actions AND dishonesty by revealing the TRUTH of YOUR poor choices, actions AND dishonesty! Isn't Aunt Lorain's eggnog delicious? Goodness! I need to check the turkey in the oven! Excuse me..."
Leave the "Truth" sitting squarely on HIS shoulders! Have a joyous Christmas with your family while he sulks, isolates himself in a corner! Too bad you don't have a "Dunce Cap" for him to wear! By doing this, you will show him that you are strong enough to 'DISENGAGE' from what has worked for him in the past!
Oh, yeah! I'm sure you remember the old question:
"Would you like a little cheese with your 'WHINE'?
Do NOT allow him to manipulate this joyous celebration with family to be centered around HIM!!!!!
Merry Christmas!
"Now is the time for all good MB Veterans to come to the aid of their MB Rookies!"
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And counter any manipulative question with another question.
WH: When are you going to come home...where you belong?
Vivi: When are you going to have NC with the OW, and move away with me to start a new life?
Repeat as needed.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Ok. This is about family and no mess on that day either. I don't want hear the lies plus that conversation is between us. I can tell u guys right now he is going to come in looking like the victim and its all my fault that we are not together and I need to come to my senses in this matter. Most of my family know the truth. Out of respect for me, they will treat him well and keep their opinions to themselves. I will let him know he can come. Happy Holidays to everyone! I know u guys are busy during this time but u always make time for people in need. For that I say Thank You Set firm boundaries, vivi. You know he is manipulative. Let him know, calmly yet firmly, what your boundaries are. If you don't want to sully Christmas Day with talking about HIS promblems and poor choices, don't do it. Do let him even start. Tell him you will talk about it with him at a time of YOUR choosing. Merry Christmas, vivi!
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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