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Thank you everyone for your input. I will have a nice Christmas.
Merry Christmas
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Christmas started off very nice---No Drama from WH. At the end of the day I will say this if me and this man are still together next year its going because of God. He had the nerve to ask if I could fix things with OW dad. I just looked at him smiled and ask him if would like some food to take with him. WH told me to answer him and I repeated myself again about the food. WH walked away mumbling about How I've changed. He need to wake up and see that I am not playing silly games with him. U guys I am sooooo tired of this. I hope everyone had a good holiday.
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WH is not used to me standing my ground with him. I still love him but I will not live like this ever--I deserve love and respect from WH. All he has to do is tell the truth so that we can move forward and work on our marriage
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Stick to your guns vivi! I'm no expert but I think you're doing great!
Me - 46
Wife - 43
2 x DD
Married 18 yrs - known each other for 22 yrs
Woke up 12/2009 and realized I was an idiot for neglecting my WIFE!
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Christmas started off very nice---No Drama from WH. At the end of the day I will say this if me and this man are still together next year its going because of God. He had the nerve to ask if I could fix things with OW dad. I just looked at him smiled and ask him if would like some food to take with him. WH told me to answer him and I repeated myself again about the food. WH walked away mumbling about How I've changed. He need to wake up and see that I am not playing silly games with him. U guys I am sooooo tired of this. I hope everyone had a good holiday. It's that pesky fog, vivi. He's still in it. If he asks you to 'fix' anything with OW's dad again, look at him squarely in the eye and say "I'm not aware of anything I've 'broken' with OW's dad that I need to 'fix'. Whatever could you mean?"
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I Love That Reply!!!! Thanks
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He is really expected me to break down and forget about everything. Gone on like nothing has happen (Silly Rabbit)
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He is really expected me to break down and forget about everything. Gone on like nothing has happen (Silly Rabbit) vivi, I think he's thinking this too - and you need to get your thoughts in order to plan your sit down with him. I don't think you should wait much longer on having your 'sit-down' with him.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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He is really expected me to break down and forget about everything. Gone on like nothing has happen (Silly Rabbit) They get so used to the fantasy world, that they believe that we can just somehow just drop it and move forward. Part of this is not fully facing the damage that they are causing. They don't want to accept it, they don't want the damage to be real. It is. It's a part of their denial. In that denial, they simply cannot face coming out of their dream world into a nightmare which they alone chose and created.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I know you are right about doing a "sit down" with WH. He is still blaming OW for the A. Its like the young girl had been bothering him until he had no choice but to sleep with OW. WH needs to tell the truth. WH is telling me if I love him I would get past this and move on and start fixing our marriage (are u kidding me?) Its 4:00am and I never went to bed. I can't sleep at all.
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He already had a chance for a sit-down, and he's not ready. Just carry on your Plan A without bogging down in the R stuff.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Neak Thank you. WH is being so messy right now. At least he can longer harass OW ex-BF. WH was told the young man no longer works for him and to stop bothering him. Hopefully, WH will do it. No one is feeding into his mess. This young couldn't thank me enough for having his back. I told him I am about standing up doing the right thing. BF is a good man.
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Vivi, where are you? How you doin?
Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet
Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Thank u for asking. I am doing ok. WH is still being messy. He had the nerve to text me asking if I would at least talk to OW and forgive her because the kids are crying for me. I have not text him back----How dumb is that?????? I am in complete shock that he would text such a thing. Also he wants to spend the New Year with me. Plan A is so hard!!!!!
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Thank u for asking. I am doing ok. WH is still being messy. He had the nerve to text me asking if I would at least talk to OW and forgive her because the kids are crying for me. I have not text him back----How dumb is that?????? I am in complete shock that he would text such a thing. Also he wants to spend the New Year with me. Plan A is so hard!!!!! Don't respond to this, vivi.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Tell him if he continues this behavior then you will leave him permanently. Having him talk to you about the OW is degrading, and tell him that say "if I hear skanky whores name one more time then we are DONE!!!"
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Tell him if he continues this behavior then you will leave him permanently. Having him talk to you about the OW is degrading, and tell him that say "if I hear skanky whores name one more time then we are DONE!!!" SR, I love ya,  BUT: never lay down an ultimatum you won't follow through on. And vivi wants her WH to eventually defog so they can repair their M. She's already told him what it will take to recover the M. He is trying to negotiate with her in order to keep OW and kids in the picture. I would suggest that vivi not dignify this nonsense with a reply.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I agree with MB about this. I would NOT dignify this crazy talk with a response. If your WH asks you if you received the text, I would say, "Yes, funny weather they are having in Ontario. Did you hear it was RAINING there. At this time of year. Crazy."
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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If he presses the issue, very sweetly say, "I am building a new life for myself, free of adultery. OW will not be a part of it - I hope you will join me."
Plan A is about verbally expressing your boundaries, Plan B is about living them.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Then atleast let him know that you will not tolerate hearing her name maybe...
''I do not want to hear her name ever again, should I make cookies tonight or cake?''
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