DH had an affair, actually a couple over the last 10 years. We attempted to recover but I just recently found out that he has resumed the affair. He does not know that I know, I am playing it cool as a cucumber. I am done with this marriage. He has more than enough chances and I have made alot of changes but he has not. I know when he is going to meet OW, they have arranged to meet at a hotel. I am not going to let him know that I know about the rendezvous, as he will say he is sorry and sweet talk me out of leaving him. I want to catch him at the hotel with the OW and let him know that the marriage is over.

Need suggestions on how to best do this. If I show up at the hotel and act like I lost my room key and ask for a new one, how to I also find out what room they are in?

Any suggestions on how to proceed? Please don't tell me to stop him from meeting her, as I want to have proof of the affair as we proceed with the divorce. The more information/pictures I have helps me and the children during the divorce proceedings...

Thanks in advance.

Heartbroken

I understand that you would want to get solid proof about an affair. I get that. What I don't get is why you would want to put yourself through that pain and agony of seeing them together. How would seeing them together, yourself, benefit you? Could you just get someone else to follow him? Could you get someone else to take pictures of them together? I am just worried about the agony it would cause you.

Is this affair with someone whom he had a previous affair? When did you find out about this affair? How do you know for certain where and when they are going to meet?

Well, if you must. I suggest you troll the parking lot to find his car and then wait from a hidden vantage point. Snap the photos when they come out.

You will probably stand a better chance of getting incriminating photos if someone else he doesn't recognize does this, however.

Have you considered hiring a PI?

Cant afford to hire a PI right now. One of my girlfriends is going to go with me.

I want to catch them in the room. I need to get access to the room, either by a room key or knocking on the door. But how do I find out which room they are in? If I call the front desk will they give me the room number or just transfer the call?

I have not tried this myself, but if I were in your boots I would call the hotel (use *67 before the number so you remain anonymous.) Just ask for the room number for Mr. Cheating Husband. See what they say. If they say he's not registered, thank them and hang up. Wait for about 1/2 an hour and have your GF call them back and ask for the room number of Ms. Skanky Ho Who Is Shagging My GF's Husband. The room may be registered to her. All they can do is refuse to tell you.

If you get the room number, remember that you may have to finagle your way into parts of the hotel. Some doors require a key card for access. You may have to wait for a guest to let you in with their card. Pretend you left your key card in your room.

Why don't you wait until go in the room for awhile and then saunter down to the desk - with your purse and ID - and say you are Mrs So and So and have locked yourself out of your room. You don't want to wake your H up. Since you are really his wife, they might give you the key.

The front desk won't tell you the room # otherwise.

Try posing on the phone as a delivery person (flowers, candy) and say that Mr WH just ordered this and wants it delivered to room......?

Or drive to the hotel with your GF, and a spare key to his car. Drive off with it. He'll get the point, and you won't have the risk of physical confrontation.

Or, leave the car there with a big stinking dog-turd in the driver's seat.

(Man, I feel the creative juices flowing today!)

all good ideas! Dog terd is a good one, just might have to do that!

I am going to have my GF call in the afternoon to see if she can find the room number. Then if that does not work, then I will show up saying I left my key in the room and can I have another key. but then I won't know the room number, so I will have to play dumb and hope that the young person at the desk falls for it...

Otherwise I will have my GF snoop and try to follow to see if she sees what room they go to.

Does anyone know if hotels are allowed/restricted from giving out room numbers for thier guests?

Ugh, sick to my stomach. Can't believe I have to do this, but I have this insatiable desire to actually catch them. He is notourious for turning things around, being oh so sorry, oh he loves me, won't happen again and it is all just a load of crap and I kept falling for it. but no more....

I don't know of any hotel that gives out room #s.

Hotels will not give out room numbers to you, even if you're his wife.

Why if you have other evidence, do you want this type of confrontation? Sounds like a disaster to me.

Does your H car have a car alarm on it?
Chances are, most people park by the door closest to their room.
If allowable, most people park their car where they can directly see it out of the window of their room. Especially those with something to look out for.
Smaller, 2 -3 story hotels this is easier to figure.

Why do you want this? Dayam. it is going to hurt.

Oh, to finish my thought. Set off the alarm (do NOT damage that car) and watch for which curtains move. Most people recognise their own car alarm.

They will if they believe this is your room.

Most will not unless you can prove it's your room. Usually Name, Address, Phone Number, and some require you to verify the last 4 digits of the card it was paid for with.

Most will as long as you have an ID with the same name and address as the H. And of course she wouldn't be expected to have the CC information if the H paid for the room. I have never been asked that. It is a long shot, but I have picked extra keys this way and never had a problem.

It's never worked for me... He's in hotels every week and sometimes I'd go surprise him, in all the time working 1 hotel has given me his room number and that's the day he had to be hospitalized and I was trying to get an ambulance for him.

My ID has the same address as his, I can always verify all the information, but they're not supposed to give that out or give out extra keys.

Its worked for me several times over the years. No guarantees, but it's worth a try!

I know this is crazy, nuts for wanting to go there and to see this. I know it will hurt like crazy, but I need it to hurt so I can finally be done with this and stop holding on to hope that he will change...

I think that is a terrible reason to go. That tells me you are making decisions based on emotions because you don't want to do what you know you need to do and are awaiting a magic feeling.

You don't need a magic feeling, you need to make a decision TODAY. Courage is a DECISION, not something that attacks us against our will.

You don't NEED to go see it. You have evidence of the affair already. Please stop using your emotions to make decisions and start using your logic.

You know he is cheating, and you know what you need to do. Go into Plan B and don't let him back unless and until he makes a dramatic 180 turn. Pack up his stuff and change the locks.

I think your best bet is to have your girlfriend follow him. (hopefully she would not be recognized)

She should follow him all the way to his room. So that you have the room number.

Then you can go to the front desk and say I am Mrs. WH, I forgot my key in room # 234 -- could you please get me another? Here is my ID.