You can control if she's picking up the kids at your house, though it has the potential to create ugliness so it should be done with extreme caution. You are under no obligation to release care of your kids to anyone, other than your ex. Next time she comes to the door, tell her if your ex wants his kids, he can come get them himself. You are also free to throw anybody off your property. Note: it is far better to do this from the beginning to establish precedent than try to change it afterwards. In either case, make sure you stay as cool as a cucumber throughout her protests and eventually your ex's protests.

I believe, and someone correct me if I'm wrong, you can control who drops off and picks up the kids if it is already detailed in your particular court order. There are times, for instance, sitters and family members are there to relinquish and/or accept my kids when I have to work. I don't believe this is at a state law level, but should be in the particulars of your court order.

Not necessarily. Is this woman named specifically in your court order? If not, you have the right to withhold your kids from her if she comes to the door. The court order says you are to give your kids to your ex, not her. Yes, people arrange sitters and family members to occassionally drop off/pick up kids. It's not unreasonable at all and you probably wouldn't question if his sister or mother came to pick them up. But what if a stranger came to the door and said they were there to pick of the kids for your ex? You wouldn't release them under those circumstances and you wouldn't be expected to. You don't need a court order for that!

Also, YOU alone have a say as to who can come on your property. If you don't like the creepy guy that walks up and down the street, you can't keep him off the street but you CAN keep him off your property. If he fails to comply with a warning, you can call police. It's perfectly valid. The same thing applies to this woman - if you don't want her on your property, ask her not to come on it. You have the legal power to do so.

Again, while these actions are perfectly legal and valid, they will not be well received at all. It will cause an angry reaction from both your ex and his ho so think carefully and proceed cautiously if you decide to do it.

My oldest son has a counseling appointment tomorrow which will tell reveal quite a bit on the situation at hand.

I work full time and have to enroll the kids in before/after school care for the weeks that I have them and think that it suck that she can play the "stay-at-home mom" part that I have never had the opportunity to do because we could never afford it. That burns.

When my X decided to hire a Best Interest Attorney for the kids to try to get full custody, the BIA made me sign medical releases regarding the kids counseling. Everything they said to a counselor in the past became part of the record. One of the many reasons I got full custody. Just sayin...

I highly recommend you looking into "Parallel Parenting"

This outlines it a bit of the differences between "co-parenting" and "parallel parenting". It will protect you and the kids because you will not be exposed to what goes on in their household and you will have little to no contact with XH and his tramp of the month.

Parallel Parenting Stops the Bleeding (continued)

Understanding the Differences



COOPERATIVE PARENTING

Child focused.

Parents communicate regularly.

Parents can communicate in person or over the phone.

Major decisions about the child are jointly discussed.

Parents work together as needed to resolve issues related to the child.

Parents work together in the best interests of the child.

Allows smooth transitions from one home to the other.

Allows for schedule change � can be flexible and negotiable.

Parents may be able to discuss issues between other parent and child.

PARALLEL PARENTING

Adult focused.

Parents communicate over emergencies.

Parents use email, third party, or a parenting notebook to communicate.

Major decisions are communicated rather than discussed.

Households are separate. Each makes decisions about the child when s/he is in their household.

Parents work separately for the best interests of the child.

Culture changes for the child may be abrupt.


Written parenting plan or court decree followed exactly. Parents need an external authority.

Each parent is responsible for own relationship with child. �You must talk to your mom/dad about that.�




Ten Tips for Successful Parallel Parenting

1. Maintain an attitude for non-interference with your child�s other parent. Neither parent has influence or say over the actions of the other parent.
2. Carry on a business-like attitude; use common courtesy.
3. Do not plan activities for the children during the other parent�s time. It may be better for child to miss an event than to witness conflict.
4. Stay focused on the present.
5. Stay oriented to the task at hand.
6. Keep your children�s best interests in mind.
7. Remember the goal is to keep conflict to a minimum.
8. Follow up in writing all agreements and discussions regarding the children.
9. When communication and/or negotiation is necessary, use a neutral third party to assist you.
10. Keep an open mind.

Just an FYI, we often recommend this plan when a FWH and BW decide to have contact with an OC. Since Dr. H's policy of NC with the OP for life is necessary for the survival of the M, this gives some breathing room for those that insist on having the OC in their lives.

Anyway a link below or just google it.

Parallel Parenting

I am a male, my wife cheated. I want a shared parenting plan. I am self employed so I have flexibility in my schedule to do it. Live in MA. Anyone have an idea of my chances of getting one (good/bad?)