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I never thought the OW was better than me. The only thing is she is 18yrs younger than me. I am educated and an RN and I have a great work ethic. I am pretty, funny and out going. I am kind and generous and get along with everyone. The OW was uneducated and not very smart, as a matter of fact, H even id at one time, "I don't know why they hired her, she is stupid." She doesn't have a good work ethic and she can't even have a marriage that lasts 5 or 6 yrs. So how long do you think things are going to last between them. A lot less than her marriage. Oh, and I have a conscience and feel guilt and shame for things that are no where near as bad as what she did.
Still hoping and praying.
BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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It also serves to be reminded that the OP does not bring out the best in the WS - in fact, the very act of being with an OP degrades the WS. To lead the life that makes the A possible further degrades the WS.
So, in conjunction; not only is the OP not any better than the BS, but the WS is actually a lesser person for allowing themselves to be tangled up in it. It's a slimy, pathetic pair. Amen. I hate the woman I became. The woman I became during my A caused me to lose everything that is real and good and true. The woman I became sacrificed her DH and her M on an altar of lies, pretty yet meaningless words, and betrayal. My H is everything the POSOM could never be in a million years. I knew this. I chose to forget it. To trample my own boundaries and moral code. To commit the ultimate act of disrespect against a man who truly loved me. POSOM was - and is - a coward who was afraid to face my H and called me to beg me to get H to leave him alone. He was a manipulative liar who gaslighted his wife and didn't give a rat's behind who he hurt just so he could get laid. He is dumb as a box of rocks and nowhere near as attractive as my H. And I was no better.
FWW
"Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough." ~ Earl Wilson
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That was the explanation I got; "He was just there." Same exact words I heard. He was just there, available to talk to. Of course, in my case, he might still be there.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Part of the reason she pursued my H, friends and family believe, is that she has felt inferior to me - the love and adoration H has for me, the strong M we have (yes, despite his A w/ her), my happiness, financial freedom, intelligence, business competence, admiration from others. That also is EXACTLY the reason my ex-brother targeted my W for the A... Jealousy. He was a loser from the time that he got a 15 year old girl pregnant, got divorced, got kicked out of the Army, never got an education, worthless jobs he didn't keep and saw in Mrs.Flint a chance to "get even" with me for me marrying a wonderful woman, getting an education, having my parents tell me they were proud of me and having the kind of life that anyone would want... and that anyone would be proud of... bad enough that he tried to steal it. He was willing to do ANYTHING to try and steal the life that I had earned with Mrs.Flint that he was willing to do the unspeakable... to secretly KNOW that all of the time my parents and others were telling me how PROUD they were of me and Mrs.Flint... my ex-brother was telling himself... they wouldn't think that if they knew the truth about what Little Miss Perfect has been up to!!! In his mind he had "succeeded" in bringing HER and I down to his level therefore I was no longer a "success" because for "some unknown reason" my M was suddenly having trouble and we were on the verge of divorce. Just like Mrs.Flint HAD USED HIM for her own purposes HE USED HER for his own "revenge" against me for my life being a success... ALL OF THAT TIME THEY WERE LYING TO EACH OTHER ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY CARED ABOUT AND UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER!!! There was no "love" or "caring" to it. They USED each other to accomplish their own purposes and NEVER cared about the damage they were doing to EACH OTHER AND to their spouses and family. In his mind he was ENTITLED TO DO IT because he was such a miserable failure that I NEEDED to be brought down to his miserable wretched level.  He ALMOST suceeded in destroying Mrs.Flint and my M. Thanks to MB and my friends here he did not. Mrs.Flint has redeemed herself not only to ME but also to HERSELF and to my entire FAMILY and CHILDREN while my ex-brother STILL doesn't get it and NEVER will. She stands as testimony that it IS possible to REDEEM yourself, even after the tragedy of adultery and to have the M that most only dream of. Love you babe.  Jim
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While I know in my head that I am better than OW, H/WH (I don't know what's going on right now). Has always spoken so highly of her. She's about our age, pretty, smart, etc. H continues to tell me that he does not know if he can get over what he had with her, and that she has affected him. He speaks more passionately of his feelings for her than for me and that makes me feel inferior. A few weeks ago, I tried again in vaid to suggest that we go to MC (we went to MC a year ago but that was a waste because he was still having EA/PA with OW). H said that, "MC is not going to change the way I feel about someone else". I had been trying to suggest MC as a way for US to learn how to better communicate and meet each other's EN. Since I've been spending more time on the MB website I see that MC is not necessarily the end-all be-all. I've read Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair".
It seems that in a lot of the threads I've read on this post, the WS even realizes that OP a bit of a lesser person. My H unfortunately, doesn't see it that way. I feel inferior as long as I allow myself to, but it really makes it difficult for myself to feel like I'm a person of worth.
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Valerian
you do not seem to be in recovery (R). Your WH is still fogged and he might still be in contact in some form or another with OW.
Are you sure contact is over?
What were your conditions, if any, to take your WH back after the A? Did you just take him back, no compensation asked?
He is still thinking of OW and most likely, if he is at all like many other waywards (I have direct experience with my WH) he will have a second A with a different OW (or the same one) not too long down the line from now....
Sorry, but your post reveals trouble in your R process...what are you doing about this?
blessing
Last edited by atena; 01/17/11 08:32 AM.
atena
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Aetna, I have another thread in this forum (H is nicer when he doesn't have me?!). Its not too far down on the list I think. Last year and in late 2009, I did a form of Plan A until February 2010 when I discovered the truth about WH's affair (He claimed EA, but very much PA too). I was devastated and went into Plan B - soon after, I discovered the MB website. H and I were separated for a few months before we began working on things and then I moved back home in late June 2010. Since then, it has pretty much been a FR because H and OW re-established contact this past September and it continued until November, when I discovered it. Now, H claims NC but who knows. Currently, I am working on a Plan B letter. I have posted my 2nd draft on my thread - take a look if you like! The more eyes the better 
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Ok, thank you for pointing me to your thread, I will read it.
blessing
atena
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Going to Bed on this thread tonight! Bump
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OPs are 'fool's gold'.
They are wanna be(s).
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Hi
FWW here.
I cannot tell you, how much the OP is so INFERIOR to BS.
They get you to open up about your M, and then they tell you what they think you want to hear.
They watch and observe whilst you destroy your ENTIRE life, getting what they want.
They are so SELFISH in their own pursuit of pleasure, that they don't care they are destroying not just one persons life but a whole FAMILY, children, grandparents, aunties, uncles.
They assist you in demonizing your partner, to make you feel better about what your doing.
They are so wrapped up in their own EGO they cannot see how unhappy you are, being away from the person you truly love.
They are cowards, as they rarely ever face the BS. i hope my wife realizes this sooner than later...because thats EXACTLY what the OM is doing to her...
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