It must be Taker night. A LOT of us out here seem to be feeling this way. It's not called a roller coaster ride for nothing.

Woot,
I turn to your thread on a daily basis because you give me hope when my taker is taking over because your wife is deployed like my husband is deployed.
You probably do not know this but you have been an inspiration to me while I am going through the same things.
I called Dr. Harley and Joyce on the radio show and they gave me some fantastic advice. If you have the chance I would send her an email.
Good luck to you Woot. I hope your day will be better today.

Thank you for writing me. I can understand it must have been quite difficult. Not that I know exactly what you are going through, but can see it was difficult to bare your emotions on such a delicate issue.

First off, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell Julie I contacted you back and I will not tell her that you contacted me.

She is in a weird place and is seeking the attention of men.
She surrounds herself with those that support her. My wife was helpful in identifying what was going on, so when I was hanging out with Julie, I was very careful to not give her that kind of attention. And now she doesn't really talk to me anymore.

I think the best way I can help you is to know that I am not qualified to guide what's going on here because I don't have the proper training. But I would be happy to pass on your contact information to the nearest Chaplain to Julie.

One thing I would suggest, is not to be pushy with Julie. Pushing the issue of what's going on and trying to counter her game, will only alienate you further in her mind.
Even just trying to contact her a bunch will push you further away from your goal of re-unification. As much as it hurts, try and restrain yourself.
Because I refused to give Julie the flirty attention she wanted, she alienated me from her. I have a very perceptive and accepting wife, and she told me to let Julie know that she didn't mind Julie and I hanging out. It kind of ruins the game for Julie.

If I said anything to Julie about suggesting she get back together with you, I would just be on her alienated list. And that doesn't help anyone. She doesn't really talk to me much anyway.

Julie seems to have missed out on the whole sowing oats phase of life. Try not to worry too much about her over here. It is very difficult to get alone time.

So like I said, I feel the best way for me to help, is offer the best/most qualified assistance possible, by giving your contact information to the local Chaplain. Can you send me your email address? I will try and get the chaplains contact info too and maybe you two can talk sometime. Also, please don't tell Julie I responded, nor that you contacted me.
Respectfully,
Lucas

Hey Julie,

It's almost 9:00pm here and I'm still at work, making a product to
present to people who couldn't care less about it. A really good song
just came on my iPod (Thrice - Red Sky) and I stepped back from sipr
for a few minutes.

This isn't going do be my normal "Hey, I'm thinking of you, I love
you" email. Going against advice from quite a few people, I'm actually
going to write about us.

I send you these emails every day, saying I love you. Well.. I
actually mean it. I don't know what you think when you hear me say
that, and to be honest I expect that you just brush it off, or don't
care. But I say it from the bottom of my heart.

I absolutely flipped out the last two weeks we spent together. I'm
pretty sure you saw it, but I was all sorts of messed up. I was trying
so hard to impress you, to win you back, and fighting back horrible
emotions that I probably ended up hurting you/pushing you away more
than I did helping the situation. You're right, I'm not Mr.
experienced when it comes to relationships. Hell, at one time you even
referred to my inexperience as cute. But my love is genuine and
powerful.

I am commited to you, and with that commitment comes me wanting to
make our marriage the best that it possibly can be.
I haven't told you this yet, I made a facebook post, but I don't want
it to seem like "Look at what I did, now won't you come back?" because
its not like that. I've given up video games. Yeah, I'm sure you don't
believe me. Its something that I wanted to do many times, yet never
did or could. And my desire to give them up, existed long before I
even met you. I know I told you this when we were dating, one night on
the benches outside of the post office at Goodfellow as we were
watching the stars and just getting to know each other. But I told you
then that I actually joined the Air Force to quit gaming. On a side
note, I miss just talking to you like that. Back on topic, I have no
idea why it took me so long to finally see it through. I've got an
explanation, but thats not for this email.

Do you know why my Mom loves you?
You were the first person in my life, that could actually get me to
study. When I think of you, there is nothing that I would put before
you. Nothing. So that makes heading in to study schoolwork in order to
please you a no brainer. Well it also provides more than enough
motivation to kick video games. This sounds wierd, but as far as this
is concerned, it doesn't even matter if you decide to try and work
things out, or you walk down the escalator at the airport and say to
me "Lol, noob. I've got a better life now, a better guy, I'm gone. and
I'm taking the cats!" The knowledge in my mind that me playing video
games hurt you as badly as it did, has actually made me repulsed by
them (and very dissapointed in myself). So its not like I'm kicking it
in hopes that you come back, I actually have no desire to play them.
Its strange, and I doubt you believe me.

Well in order for me to become actually repulsed by them (due to how I
hurt you with my addiction to them) there has to be some extremely
stong feelings tied in there. To me personally, that is one of the
biggest indicators that I truly love you. That is a bright sign that
keeps flashing to me, saying "James, love is what makes you hate so
much that you hurt her."

So I spoke of commitment, here are some from me to you. These are
things that I am commited to improve, in order to be a better husband
(and person). They all sort if tie together.

Time. You spoke of "wanting to be the best part of my life." Well I've
known all along that you are, but words only go so far. I love
spending time with you, in fact I cherish the memories that I have
where we were out doing stuff. Or even in the house doing things, like
backgammon. I was so proud to tell my Mom that you had taught me how
to play backgammon, I was literally beaming to say it. So I am
commited to being with you, spending time with you. In saying that, I
don't count sex. You've said to me something along the lines of "it
seemed like you only wanted to be with me when we had sex." So when I
say spending time, I mean time when we are not intimate or me trying
to make it so. Time with you and I, just doing something or talking.
Thats it. Throughout our whole marriage, I would tell people "I
married my best friend, we just have fun doing stuff together." I
still love the idea of doing stuff with you, you are quite fun to be
around. <3

Money. Once you've been back for a bit and we both assess how we are,
if you are willing I would be willing to get one single joint account.
I never felt like I hid or kept things from you, I always felt like
all you had to do was ask it was there. But I made you feel like [censored]
for asking, and made you feel accountable for it. Thats not very
loving. We would have to decide on spending habits together, but that
is a discussion I am compltely willing to have (and I think is pretty
necessary to avoid hurting each other). Ie. How do we spend our money
on big things, like a drum set, or your laser surgery. If its one
account, we need to figure out how things like that happen, but I feel
its completely doable and it will actually bring us closer together.

Respect. This pretty much has to deal with me understanding we are two
different people, and its not my way or the highway. At the same time,
that doesn't mean if its your way I make you feel bad about it. I love
you, I am committed to showing you that through respecting and
encouraging your decisions. If you were me, I wouldn't love you, so
why did I try to make you think like me? I love who you are, and I
think recognizing that has made the light go on that I need to make
you feel as an equal in our relationship. Noone comes ahead of you in
my priorities, not even myself. I really and truly look forward to you
getting home, so that I can actually put these into practice rather
than just thinking about them abstractly. It sounds wierd, but I am
almost itching to try and make you happy. Not for personal gain, but
because I love you and I want you to be happy.


Part of me thinks that you are just too far gone, that there is
nothing I can do. But I am a firm believer that it is never too late,
love once existed and it can very easily come back.

So I am talking to you, to the heart that I know you have, no matter how broken.
I don't care whats happened in our past. Let's learn from it, and move
on. I still love you, and I would like to do whatever it takes to
improve our marriage.


I love you Juliette, and I want to see your smile again.

Your loving husband,

James