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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity Surviving an Affair Is there still hope?

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Re: Is there still hope? bmd #2461510 01/07/11 08:00 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by bmd I'm thinking we need to be apart for 1-2 years to show me that she is out of his life. He doesn't want that, but accepts it if that is what it takes. I guess I still don't know though, how I'll know for sure that he's finished with her. I doubt that he can be finished with her until you move, though. Being separated also makes it much more unlikely the affair will end. Not only does he have the temptation living so close, but being separated provides the opportunity. Being without you makes it even less likely that he will end contact. If you really want to resolve this, bmd, you need to do the things necessary to resolve it instead of hoping it will happen by magic. The things you are doing are the LEAST likely to result in a recovered marriage. If you can't move now, then why not have him move away NOW and you follow him when you get another job? That would at least get him out of the environment. You could travel to be with him on the weekends until you get a job there. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Is there still hope? MelodyLane #2461511 01/07/11 08:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	alcoholic: I can't stop drinking when I go into bars!! Answer: STAY OUT OF BARS! "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Is there still hope? bmd #2461525 01/07/11 08:53 PM
Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 945 G gg615 Member
gg615 Member G Joined: Mar 2009 Posts: 945	Quote I need time on my own to see if he means what he says. I don't think it's good for me right now to be dating him. He is extremely remorseful and takes full responsibility, not only to me, but to the counselor and to friends and family. If he truly wants us to be together, I'm thinking we need to be apart for 1-2 years to show me that she is out of his life. bmd, Marriages have survived infidelity. Do you want to recover your marriage or are you looking to punish your husband? If you want to recover your M then you and WH need to follow a proven plan. This doesn't mean you giving into your H. No one here is saying that. You have a remorseful WS - that is half the battle right there. If he's truly committed, let him show you through his actions following MB principles. If you want to move on - that is your choice and no one here will fault you for it. You should listen to Mel - she understands about losing a child and having husband turn to OW. If you haven't read her story, you should. Gg D-Day #1 Aug/2007. D-Day #2 1/27/12 Legally Separated

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