Saying a prayer for you and your children. Have you spoken with your attorney about sole-custody should the divorce go through?

NFL, you are off to a start at least; stay very dark, the news from the other side and dealing with your WH face to face are going to take an emotional toll on you. Right now focus on taking care of you and children. If you are unable to find Dr H' s book SAA, order it from the website, I didn't want to wait for the book and downloaded it for kindle. Also Scotty started a thread on here called "for the newly BS" find it and read it. I will see if i can locate and bump it for you.
Take care and know you can come here for advice and venting.

We are going to fight for sole-custody. It should not be an issue since he basically walked out, has shown very little interest in the kids and rarely calls (MAYBE once a week to talk to them but that is rare). He has in his response to my petition that he wants joint custody; I laughed. He had some pretty shady things he did during the beginning of his A with skankilicious as I like to call her. He has become a different man. I spoke to an exboyfriend of hers tonight and he basically confirmed that she is INDEED a SERIAL CHEATER. They broke up b/c she cheated on him with 2 other guys. And her history goes from there.... she can NEVER be without a man. Her XBF asked if I have spoke to WH parents and I said no. He said it may be worth a try b/c if his parents know what kind of woman she has become and is currently, maybe they won't condone it as much and maybe they will even start putting down some consequences of their own. He's lived there at their house for several months. I wonder if he sucks his thumb again yet too....

My son and I spoke tonight at bath time and I thought it was hilarious that he told me that the OW is UGLY in the morning when she wakes up. And he said it is gross to watch her walk around the house with no pants on and his dad's clothes. He said even after she has had a shower and gets ready, he said I am still prettier than her. (I was waiting for... hey mom, I can have a juice bottle but that never came. Guess he was serious.) While I was on the phone tonight with a family member, he said "tell her that my dad has a beard now. It is ugly and he really needs to trim it." Out of the mouths of babes...5 yrs old.... going on pre teen I think. I was talking with a friend today and we both concluded that when you look so ugly on the inside from lies, deceit, and sin, it shows up on the outside too. You can try to hide who you are all you want but the truth always comes through.

Thanks for the support. I know it will be hard at first but I think it will be the best for me b/c it puts ME back in control which is what I ultimately need. I am in control of me.... and not allowing his stupid addicted actions to take control of me. I did order SAA from another library and hope it will be here tomorrow or Thurs.

Also both of my children should be going into the psychologist in the next 24-48 hours they said. It is good b/c my oldest is having a VERY hard time. He told me if he had to go to her house tomorrow, he was going to leave and come back home. He knows what his dad is doing is wrong and he said he knows that b/c when he asked his dad why he moved out, he said you don't need to worry about that. He said he won't tell the truth so I guess that's not good mommy.

NLF, read Scotty's thread regarding how much information that even comes from her DSx2 will send her into a tailspin. She also states how she has dealt with that. As far as exposure has gone; why have you not told his parents about his A and current behavior? By not exposing you are allowing his unacceptable behavior to continue unchecked.
I think you will feel better if you go dark and just take a moment to breathe. I would not focus on any aspect of skankilicious. Only focus on yourself and your children. Plan b is about removing yourself from their destructive behavior to protect yourself and it is also about personal recovery.
Hang in there - hugs to you

I think she mentioned that her in-laws knew the situation but weren't really going to bat for her. Unfortunate, to say the least.

Yes, my inlaws do know. They are actually condoning it, spending Christmas day at her house, dinners, etc. Pretty sad to say the least. I spoke with one of her XBFs last night and he asked why I haven't told his parents about her past and why she has broken up with every boyfriend b/c shes cheated on them. (XBF said she was cheating on him with 2 other guys at the time of break-up). I am sure his parents have no clue about the sexual behaviors she's done while married. If she's done it to her husband, it will happen to my WH. He can't see anything through the fog. It's horrible. I think I am going to write them the letter after all. If it does nothing other than expose to them just how skanky she is and I am sure they will keep an eye on her.... exposure with the truth is the BEST, is it not????

CAn you tell me which thread of Scotty's you are referring?

I think she means my thread not the one I started to help newly betrayed spouses. It's in my signature, click the "Scotty's THING" link.

I thought so...... I am reading it now. Thanks!

Sorry, I missed that along the way.
I also understand how hurt you are by that; my x-inlaws didn't condone what xwh was doing, but they didn't try to stop it either. They are now sort of accepting of it and simply wrote me off. Sad to think that these were the people you invested time and effort in and thought of as your family.

I am glad you are reading Scotty's thread; she is truly an inspiration and has shown so much strength. I simply threw in the towel and signed off on the D. So I am obviously not a great example to follow.

I still think you need to decide what it is you want, make a plan, and stick to that plan; keeping in mind the need to protect yourself and your kiddos.

I wanted to recover my M, but the harder I tried, the more cruel xwh became. In the end I walked away. I still question my choices, but they were the best I could do at the time. That really is all any of us - BS's can do. Stay strong!

WELL..... barely 24 hours of no contact and guess who showed up at my front door? Actually, kind of a fluke that I saw him b/c I was on my way to pick up my boys from my parents' and I had to turn around to come back home. I pulled in the driveway and guess who was here? WH! I approached him and said "what about no contact don't you understand?" He just sat there and looked at me...actually stared at me... so I asked again. Then, he gave me my child support check. I asked what he was doing here and he said I came to get the kids for the evening. I asked him did he not receive my PLAN B letter and he said no. I said you are a liar... he said the only email he got was the one he was sent today. (I know that is a b-s statement b/c the email he has me send stuff to I am able to log into. Not only has he checked it, but he also forwarded that email to his work acct. LIAR!) The letter had stated that wednesdays would not work for his evening for visit. I had told him the other day (and he is the one who pointed it out to me) that I told him he wasn't to get visitations b/c he was psychologically damaging the kids and I needed to hear from my attorney. So, I asked if he acknowledged I said no visitations then why was he here?

What the heck is going on?! He could very well have mailed his child support b/c it's not due until Fri. He KNEW from the letter I sent that I said Wednesdays would not work AND the fact that I said he was going to have to pick them up elsewhere should have been a clue to arrange for pick up. I also informed him NOT to come to the house or the front door b/c we wouldn't answer and he wasn't welcome at this point until he is willing to meet my expectations. Insight folks, please!!!!

My vote is that he's testing your resolve. That he isn't sure, and cannot quite believe, that you're taking a stand against his behavior. Your actions aren't meshing with his fantasy.

In hindsight, you may have had a bigger impact had you just said "what don't you understand about no contact?", gone in the house and gotten what you needed, and then left without another word.

Well, you shook him a little and have taken back some control of your situation. Waywards don't like that. They like running the show their way.

He's trying to see if you mean it. Unfortunately, you saw and spoke with him, but don't beat yourself up about that. You're just getting started.

Don't talk to him again. You DO have an IM, correct?

Yes I have an im. I am not worried about it to be honest. He did look a little sullen. I will admit... it felt GOOD to take back control. I have the kids the next 2 weekends and he didn't ask or try to discuss another day for visitation. So, not sure if he will try to OR if he will just go without seeing his kids. I am not using the kids.... he just isn't following MY rules. I am not keeping the kids from him.... he just wants what he wants it seems. Good thing is I didn't fight with him at all or even act like what he was doing was bothering me and it felt really good. it feels good to have control again!!!!!!

Here's hoping for regained sanity....

Raise the bar, use your IM, stay dark.
Good for you taking some control back

I am pretty sure he called his attorney today, which gave him the guts to show up at my house. And I wouldn't doubt if he used his phone to record me. I was told I can't control where the kids go or stay the night...... even if it is damaging them psychologically. I can't deny him visitations if he is taking the kids there (someone had suggested this). I obviously can't get through to him that he is NOT making good choices (hence the affair...duh....) and he isn't putting the kids first, which is what I am ultimately worried about. I am worried about how this is going to impact the kids, their future, morals, way of life, etc. I don't want the mistakes their father has made to ruin their future in life or chance at having a normal life and relationships. I already know that OW has a track record about as long as my uncle's rap sheet..... so here kids will most likely have a similar life. But, I will be DAMNED if muy kids go through that b/c they are around her.

Bump!

So how's everything your way?

Technically, if you're still married and not officially separated through legal papers, he really could take the kids anywhere he wishes.

He can but he walked out so it's a little different. I also am not going to force the kids to go with him. He keeps taking them to her house and my oldest doesn't like it. He actually said he feels good b/c he hasn't had to go to the OW's this week. I have the kids the next 2 weekends, and he hasn't seen the kids at all since Sunday really and didn't attempt to set up a new visitation day.

I am just waiting for the court date to be set for child support, maintenance, custody and use of the house. The only thing he is against is maintenance and he wants joint custody. I am not giving him physical joint custody and it doesn't really appear that he wants them that much any way. Shoot, I would be attempting to set up visitations at every chance I could.