Do not confront him because he simply wont give a sh*t what you do is tell the OMW that will fix everything

I confronted OM and told him to stay the F** away and leave my family. He said stuff like, "Don't think i don't care about you and your family", and "Your just being jelous, and its going to drive your wife away"

Seriously what a jerk, mine wasn't the only married woman he went after either. What Im trying to say it will only make you angry, and accomplish nothing more than that.

This is meaningless. The fact that she is still in contact with her OM and is "honest" about it misses the point. Being honest about destructive behavior does not mean it is any less destructive. The solution is to STOP the destructive behavior.


I would not tell your wife in advance, that will just give her a chance to tip off the OM so he has a chance to lie to his wife about this "jealous nutjob who believes everyone is chasing his wife." So by the time you call her, she won't believe you.

And I would not email her, the OM will just intercept it. Pick up the phone and call her or drive over there.

I would contact the OMW FIRST before you have a chat with the OM. THEN you can confront the OM. And don't forewarn your wife.

Mel, Rush doesn't think it's his responsibility to expose the A. (Remember Picking Up Pieces? Not to bring up a locked thread )

Don't forewarn her, eh?

Alrighty...you guys are the voices of experience.

But...seems...dishonest...sort of...not to tell her that I'm going to do it.

Not sure how to start the conversation...lol...and I'm one heck of a "talker" usually.

"Hello, T? I'm Bob Smith.

You don't know me, but your husband knows my wife.

Mary (Doe)...remember she and your husband dated back in high school?

Well, your husband has been looking up old girlfriends on Facebook. He "happened" to run across my wife when searching for another Mary.

They chatted a lot and messaged a lot over the month of November and into December. I was suspicious of something going on, and saw with my own eyes that they crossed some boundaries during conversation that married people shouldn't cross with non-spouses.

He kept telling her that you guys were going to get divorced this year after the holidays...almost like he was trying to lay the groundwork for a future relationship with my wife.

Just wanted you to know that my wife did finally come to her senses, and asked him not to contact her in early December.

But he has still been trying to via email and Facebook.

She and I are doing much better, but I need your help, please, to put a stop to his antics and get him to really leave my wife alone.

Thank you for your support."

Well, that is ridiculous. Rush, not telling the OMW is ENABLING this bum and your wife to continue their affair. He is free to continue to pursue your wife as long as the OMW doesn't know. Don't aide that loser! She needs to informed pronto!

bliss...that wasn't nice and you didn't need to go there.

People can change.

People can change their minds and points of view given experience.

You of all people, should be able to attest to this....or else, you wouldn't have a happy marriage...now would you?

I don't have any idea what this means and neither will she. What does this mean??

Good man! You kept an open mind and that is good, my friend.

Ok, when you expose you will want to use straight forward Texas talk so the OMW gets it. You don't want to confuse her or leave her guessing. So when you start off, you need to FRAME UP the situation in the first sentence so she understands.

"MrsOM, my name is Rush and I am the husband of Sally Rush. I am very sorry to make this call but felt you had a right to know that my wife and your husband have been having an emotional affair since November. They have made plans to divorce their spouses and told each other repeatedly that they love each other. Insert other evidence that supports your contention.

I have saved their emails and would be happy to send them on. "

This is how you start. I would also give her your phone # and email address so she can ask follow up questions. She will be in shock and will have more questions later.

instead of saying that say "an affair" that is more the truth, don't sugar coat the word affair.

I couldnt help but to think of Rush with a mustach, wranglers, boots, and texas drawl saying that. It was awesome!

This is Rush --------------->

"You might be wondering what kind of boundaries were crossed, T.

Well, he told her that in the course of their talks, he felt he'd unconsciously entered another relationship....that she had to figure out where 'she stood in her marriage' before they could figure out where 'they stood'.

He asked her once if she would be able to accept 2 more kids as 'her own'.

He told her that even after 20 years, he still held a 'soft spot' for her.

He said he didn't love you at all anymore and wasn't ever 'going back' to your marriage...that she not stay in our marriage for the sake of the kids.

He told her several times how he'd like her to be there at the house he was staying "just for some company" he claimed, though I don't believe it.

'Hugs and kisses' was a favorite phrase of his to her when closing out a chat.

He also used many 'pet' names with her: sweetie, dear, honey, babe...things that a husband should call his wife, and nobody else.

And all the while, he constantly lied to her about not wanting to be the cause of our marriage breaking up...or to cause any trouble in our marriage...that he would 'walk away' if she asked him to and not bother her again.

Obviously, he won't walk away without some added help.

I hope that helps answer questions about what was said between them."


Better explanation?

Was this an actual affair?

Yes, it was an emotional affair.

1: she lied to me about who she was talking to when confronted

2: she hid her activity whenever possible (deleting messages, sitting away from me or across the room)

3: she stayed up very late when I was home, avoiding coming to bed, to chat with him

4: she chatted with him more on nights when I worked

5: she looked forward to talking with him more than me

6: she would go out of her way to make excuses to leave the house so that she could message him via facebook from her smart phone

7: she confided things in him things that she had never confided in me in 18 years of knowing her

8: she shifted time away from me and the family in order to talk to him...made him a priority over all of us

9: she had even less communication/talks with me than before talking with him

10: she said "I saw that this was going down a road that it shouldn't be going down" after I confronted her about it

11: she confided in him and discussed our marriage more with him than she did me

12: she never "harshly" corrected him about maintaining proper and adequate boundaries during conversations. she crossed boundaries herself, only to 'apologize' later for doing so.

* * * *

I think that qualifies as an Emotional Affair...wouldn't you?

Yes, of course.

I was also surprised that ML asked if it was an actual affair.

I think she was less emotionally invested in their EA than he was...but invested is still invested.

Okay, so you have Exposed, right?

I don't believe he has told the OMW.