Thanks, Jim, for trying to get this thread back on track!!

I answered by declining to answer.

Sorry, M/L, I must decline to answer since you will inevitably find a reason (specious or well-founded) to have me "zapped" somewhere down the line should we engage in debate regarding the definitions and applications of "decency" and "humanity", and whose treatments of those terms must be obeyed.

(This is now the third straight taunt you've tossed at me. You should understand I'm not rising to your lure.)

Please do not tell me to "drop it."

Neverguessed, I take it you are unable to defend your reasons for having one standard of humanity for "friends" and another for all else. Instead of answering a simple, direct, respectful question, you resorted to a personal attack and then refused to answer. I will take that reaction as an inability to defend your position and we can leave it at that.

Please stop trying to engage NG in an argument that he seems to have no interest in engaging in.

You're doing NO good for the thread trying to prove that you're right and he's wrong.

My statement still stands.

Rush, I would remind you that you are not the moderator and not in a position to lecture other posters and tell them to stop it. You are out of line.

I'll bet you a kosher dill pickle that you will soon, though.

Let's get back on track! If you have a problem with another poster, kindly notify the moderators instead of disrupting the thread trying to moderate other posters. That is our job not yours.

Back to business!

EDIT

FWIW, I exposed someone I would have considered a "friend" about a month ago. Now, some of the wagons have been circled around her, and I got pushed out, BUT I DON'T CARE. I think that what it actually shows me is the character of those other people. Not only is the WW a POS, but so are the people who stood by gossiping about WW and not doing anything about it.

I confronted the WW at first, hoping that there would be an end to the A, but I should have known better. I have seen it time and time again during my brief time here. Waywards are too addicted to the A and OP to stop on their own. Go straight to the person who would have the biggest impact. Tell the BH. Then direct him here to Marriage Builders. Let him make his OWN decision.

Even before my WH had his A, I would tell ALL of my friends and family that if they wanted to have an affair, they better not let me find out or their spouse would know too.

That movie "The Dilemma" is silly to me(from the trailer). There is NO Dilemma, I would tell.

Okay, so the dilemma that BH needs to know asap is clear. However, don't you think that a BS may find it a little "easier" to hear something like this from the WS rather than someone else? I mean, if there is any chance of reconciling the M? I would hope to see them recover from this, which is why I would rather my WF expose it than me or my H doing it--out of consideration for her BH's feelings.

Is there something specific Dr. Harley says about this situation?

Exposure comes in many forms. In a perfect world, I suppose that would be to have the WS expose themselves and confess the A. But if it really was a perfect world, the A wouldn't have happened in the first place. And waywards are typically loathe to 'hurt' their spouse with disclosure, so that won't always happen.

The point is to get the info to the BS.

No, not really. The BS needs to hear it from whomever will tell him the truth. That truth is usually very unlikely to come from the WS, who tends to gloss things over in the best of situations. Trying to hold a gun to the head of a WS just adds new problems to the mix and increases the odds the BS will never get the truth. The WS has the greatest motivation to lie and/or practice trickle, trickle, trickle truth, after all.

Its much more efficient to avoid all that drama and just tell the BS yourself. The BS appreciates knowing regardless of where it came from.

If I were a WS and wanted to hide my affair and you came to me and told me I had to tell my spouse, I would go to my spouse and tell him you were a vicious gossip who was out to wreck my marriage and was spreading nasty rumors about me. Then if you called my H to confirm, he would tell you to go to hell and hang up on you.

I have to say that as a BS whose WH has only confessed to ONE Of what I believe to be multiple affairs, I would APPRECIATE learning the truth from ANYBODY!

I even contacted an exBS of one of the suspected OW a while back, and he refused to tell me the truth, saying that he "didn't remember". He "doesn't remember" an incident when he threatened to whup my WH's @$$ for messing with his wife? I took his refusal to tell me the truth as an admission that he did indeed catch them in an inappropriate situation.