Thank You for this site, it has helped me through some difficult times lately, but I'm at the point that I think I need to talk too... Here's my cliff notes story:
I've had trust issues from past relationships and child hood that I never worked out. Due to this I was always accusing my wife of cheating for the better part of 6 years with no proof whatsoever. Obviously this really put a strain on our relationship and it became especially difficult 2 years ago when my wife miscarried. I handled my grief very differently (submerged myself into work, and showed no emotions to her. Thinking I was being strong for her)than her. It was at that point that she became very distant and it seemed as though she was hiding something from me. I automatically go back to my accusations and make things worse between us. I eventually find out, what she's hiding is the fact that she started smoking and she didn't want me to start again was her reasoning for not telling me. To make matters worse the guy I was accusing her of being with smoked and she was always outside with him during breaks and that added fuel to my fire. Fast forward to April 2009, still hurting from the lies and sneaking around to smoke, my sister calls me to tell me that someone from my wifes work said she was having an affair. I again, blow up and accuse her (again with no real proof other than what my sister had told me). We seem to patch things up and eventually get pregnant again and have our son in March. She had started a new job away from this other man right after she became pregnant and immediately befriended a security gaurd at her new job. I become jealous everytime I hear his name mentioned and while we were having my son she said he may stop over. When we were released from the hospital I made a comment about him and she became very angry of all my accusations and moved in with her mom. I started going to therapy to overcome my trust and jealousy issues and 1 week later she moved back in and we began to rebuild our marriage. I continued therapy and we even discussed marriage counciling but we never contacted anyone. In July of 2010 is when my marriage hit rock bottom. I found a text message from her to the guy she used to work with and basically she told him he could go to work and be miserable or lay naked in bed doing anything he wanted to her. He said are you sure? the last time you said it was uncomfortable, and she said not uncomfortable, just awkard cause of work. I was devasted! I confronted her instantly and she said nothing happened and nothing would have happened (even though they were looking into getting a hotel room)and she was thinking of me while she was typing that stuff to him. Didn't make me feel any better!! She immediately stopped all communication with him, but I am having a very hard time given my past. Lately all we do is argue and fight when we're together and she told me the other night she doesn't think she's in love with me anymore. She suggested we go to marriage counciling, but I'm not sure if she really wants it to work, or if she's doing it so she can say she tried everything and then divorce me. We are going on a "date" tomorrow night to try to get to know each other again. Has anyone ever reconciled when it got to this point?
Sorry for the long cliff notes version but any thoughts would be most appreciated!

Don't believe a word she said. She also probably took her affair further underground.

Why did you accuse her of cheating all these years when you had no proof? She clearly has poor boundaries with other men since she keeps making new male friends everywhere she goes.

Are you sure it's your son?

I wear my heart on my sleeve and its difficult for me to keep my mouth shut when my gut tells me something. Like I said, huge trust / jealousy issues since I was a kid. I guess I always thought that doing that was my way of showing her I loved her (messed up, right?).

She has always had more male friends than females and she was the one who always told me that she doesn't tolerate lies or cheating and either of them would end the relationship.

I've not done a DNA test or anything, but he looks exactly like my daughter and has some of my features.

I think your gut is telling you the right thing here. That text conversation definitely suggest that your WW was involved in a PA, and the history you provided suggests that this might not be her first one.

It will be near impossible for you to recover your M if your W continues to keep the truth from you. The question that you need to consider her is, do you still wish to recover your M, knowing that your WW likely cheated on you more than once? If then, "Plan A" is what you should be practicing at the moment.

Uh-huh. That's what my H and I always agreed upon, too. And then he had his affair. And here we are, almost two years later, putting it all back together.

Don't believe her.