Wish I had more for you BH... the MB program is best focused when you aren't 10k miles apart... so your situation currently has a complication that makes it hard to address.

He's there for 3 days, and then what?


Maybe part of those 3 days should also be spent making preparations for the continued separation.

Some video recordings of praise and affection, or a video "love letter" to keep fresh in each other's minds... maybe a little "point of view" naughty video to help that SF itch during separation... a whole ton of face-time and some good recreational companionship.

Yes, I would say make this visit as pleasant as you possibly can. Not just for him, but for you as well. Don't add a sour note to this window of opportunity.

On the Dj's I tend to be more prone to them when I am feeling tired, low, run out of patience or have certain expectations of my H.

If you feel like doing a DJ you can

come here and vent
say to yourself, I may feel like this now, lets wait 24 hours and see if I am still angry.
work out

you really need to get this under control, focus on this.

Got to get back to work, I hope you really enjoy this weekend, make a plan and stick to it, then come back here and post and let us know how your weekend went. No deviating from the PLan A!!

Enjoy.

Thanks HHH so much.

So after the 3 days he goes back to finish his deployment. They are only letting him come home for a week because of his sister, and 4 of those days are traveling. I will meet him when he gets there and then leave when he leaves.

So am on target on how I am supposed to handle my DJS?

ermm one other point, early on I did a LOT of DJ's. One piece of advice I was given that helped me, is that you need to treat your H as if he is at the top of a building about to jump, and you need to be gently and calm in your communication.

I hope I have helped a little.

Thanks Harmony you have helped alot.

I will work on the DJs and I like the comparison to the jumper.

Love it!

Thanks HHH I'm trying.

He is very witty so he can do this quick on his feet. I'm very "reactional" so I usually get PO'd first and then I say something.

So I'm going to try and think of more "you want a cookie, chip or cow comments".

Personally I just want to have MAJOR HAPPY Time that will take care of me for 3 more months.

So they couldn't get him out of the country due to weather.
They tried twice but the planes couldn't make the landing.

His sister is doing better.

So I cancelled my trip and we won't be seeing each other. So now just wait out the next 3 months.

His other sister who has been giving me updates sends me a disturbing text.

Take this time while you are alone and do whatever you need to do. What WH(her brother) doesn't know won't hurt him. Then she proceeds to tell me she is talking to some guy that she has met online. Her husband travels and is away.

This family is a mess.

Now I need to figure out a way to tell her H.

Arrggh some people do not see the hurt they do with infidelity.

She tells me all this after I share with her about MB and asks for the link and wants to come on here, what a joke.

Telling her husband what she is doing is the best decision you will make, we told a bh that his wife has been cheating on him for a year....the best thing about that is we actually told the bh brother and mother first we started the exposure I just hope they let him know.

We tried telling the bh bust she checks his email and facebook so our only chance was to tell his family

So how did you tell the mother and brother? Anonymous, facebook?

Ya we first facebooked him but she found the message and deleted it she is friends with my husband friend at work and he told us. So our last resort was telling a couple people that we thouht he was related to we did this anonymous. We haven't heard anything since then but I'm sure he knows now if not we will send more facebook messages to his family till we know for sure that he knows.

How do you stop a DJ before it comes out?
When all you think about is "when they did this before they were in the affair"

How do you stop it from being a lovebuster?

You can't necessarily NOT make a DJ - the trick is to not verbalize it, and not act on it.

Make sense?

Ok so we had a couple of good weeks together and now he left for a couple of more months.

So what I saw: he was very open with his phone and emails and such

I did EXCELLENT on AO not a one but my DJ that's another story, I tried to just think them but a couple of them slipped out.

I am struggling with not reacting to his comments or actions that make me upset. A couple of times I did really well and walked away when I thought things were going to be bad.

I'm not as sad this time that he left. Matter of fact, I'm looking forward to some time to myself and my DD.

So how do you know when all this hard work is enough? I feel like I have done really well on myself and I'm just not sure if I'm going in the right direction.

Does this make sense?

I feel like I am the only one working so hard on our marriage and when I see all his damaged goods I sometimes think maybe this is not where I am supposed to be.

So am I still on the right track?

Should I be doing anything different?

Do I have false hope?

Where did he go?

Are you in plan A? If so then you are on the right track just keep going till you can't no more then enter in plan B if nothing has changed.

Will you be able to snoop on him while he is gone?

Im in plan A and did a good job while he was home.

He's in the south Pole. He has no phone that I can monitor and I have access to email except his work and while he was home he asked his job for access so I could monitor, but they can't.

So Im stuck trying to plan A from a distant.
There are little nagging uncertainties, but no way to validate.

I am a little worried that he left, if you really want this marriage to work he needs to find another job, I am sorry but it wont work if he is always gone.

Sorry that is the only advice I have.

Yeah as soon as this contract is up he isn't going to leave again.

If they do extend his contract, he told them he will only take it if they find me a job there also.

So we are waiting.

I talked to Dr. Harley and he said to try and keep plan A until we can be together again.

I just wonder if Im having false hope or being naive?

You will never know until something happens...either you find out he has been in contact or he actually does leave that job.