xo13, if a person cannot judge right from wrong on moral issues, they obviously can't judge right from wrong on legal issues. Right and wrong is right or wrong whether it is illegal or not. Yes, we do have a right to judge that your adultery is wrong. If you judge it to be immoral, then it makes no sense to try and manipulate others into silence on the same subject. That will not work.

I don't see you owning anything. Rather I see you deflecting and trying to shut down others from pointing out your own adultery. I would point again how hypocritical it is for you to lecture others on Christianity. If others don't have a "right" to judge you, then you shouldn't be judging others here. Practice what you preach, Madam..

xo~

Ever notice that when a parent makes immoral choices that they just sort of take in stride as "oh well, it is what it is" that their children end up following in their footsteps? A common example that comes to mind for me are people who have children out of wedlock and act like it's no big deal - and then are surprised when their children do the very same thing.

Adultery works like that too - So what are you doing to help your children break that cycle? How are you working to clean up your side of the street?

You think that the posts you've received are only judgmental and not at all helpful, but I believe you are wrong - It's just that you wish to sweep your past mistakes under the rug rather than understanding that you must deal head on with your old patterns of thinking and change them - Stop looking for a bandaid and find a cure, xo...Stop the "yeah, yeah I did wrong back then, but let's drop that now - just help me with the crisis currently in front of me" - Realize that without fixing the stuff that allowed you to make the choices that landed you where you are today you will continue in the same sick cycle of drama...

Mrs. W

Thanks!!

This is good advice, xo.

Or all this may just be Karma catching up with you�.

xo, where did you go? I hope you are still out there listening.

I am here � just digesting everything that has been said last week and focusing on things at home.

Thank you!!

I have read my entire thread this morning� all I can say is wow.

Thank you everyone for posting and offering advice. Conclusion = change begins within!

Have a wonderful day everyone

Short Update,

About a month before V-day he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. I said that I really appreciated the gesture and said sure I would love to. Week or so goes by and while at a skating party with younger daughter I ran into our sitter. Texted husband and asked if he wanted me to book her. There was no response. I didn�t ask any more questions, I assumed that he didn�t want to go. Day before V-day, I said it would be nice for us to go to dinner. He said sure! Kids were getting picked up, and I walked downstairs to tell him (he is working on a basement) that they left and we can do whatever. Comes up two hours later, and asks me �are the kids gone�? I could not believe!! I answered yes and he turned around and walked away without a word. That was the end of our conversation and we did not go to dinner! I don�t understand!! I was so hurt by this whole thing, I am still hurt!! Later that evening he asked me what was wrong?? I responded nothing, because if I was to talk about it would end in an argument, because I had nothing good to say.

On V-day he gives me a gift - a night away for both of us with a note attached �anytime we want to go!!� I very much so appreciated the gesture; however, as we are discussing it he asked �that is what you wanted, right?� I didn�t respond, because I wanted to scream and tell him � have you been listening at all for the past three months??, which would totally make things worse, so I didn�t say anything. I never said I wanted that, and really in all honesty I don�t want to go if that is something he will not enjoy and will only do it because he thinks I �wanted it�. What I want and have been asking for is for us to do something together, alone, that we both will enjoy � not some extravagant weakened away at a five start hotel, that in all honesty I could care less about if it will not help us reconnect??

Am I wrong for feeling hurt and rejected by his actions?? Am I overreacting? Are my thoughts on the weakened getaway �off the wall�? and if not, how do I tell him what I really think??

Thanks in advance!

Was there anything else in the conversation, such as when and where do you want to go? Did he ask "do you want to go to dinner tonight" or "do you want to go to dinner sometime". Next time just ask for confirmation.


Or, could he have just forgotten about it and didn't know what you were asking. Did you ask "should I book the sitter so we can go out to eat tonight?" Not trying to harp on your communication skills, but perhaps your husband needs a more direct approach...to say what you mean so that there is no room for confusion.


Beats me. Unless we're missing something, he's sounding a bit clueless here.


To me, it sounds like he's a bit insecure about giving you a gift and that he's walking on eggshells. I suspect he had good intentions here or he wouldn't have done it. Try that conversation again, but this time ask what he'd like to do so that it would be a fun excursion for both of you. Odds are, he's thinking the same thing about some over-priced hotel getaway and would rather do something that you'd both enjoy.

But this IS something that you both can enjoy. So it is not exactly what you wanted, but that doesn't mean that you can't improvise and adapt. You can have a great time if you allow yourself to.


Why? What is it inside of you that causes you to have that microwave temper? This is something that you're going to have to figure out quickly or your marriage is not going to survive. Nor will you ever have a lasting relationship with a guy because no one will take this.

Every time you lash out it's like you're walking the same path across the lawn of your husband's heart, eventually it will create a beaten path that will remain barren forever. Try as you may later to sow seeds of remorse and love, none will ever be able to germinate and take root. You're very close to this point now.