I happen to feel that my marriage ended over 13 years ago or whenever my H first cheated, and that we've just been shacking up ever since. No, this doesn't mean that I feel free to go out looking for someone else; I made promises to him that I intend to keep, even though he didn't keep his promises to me.<P>The reason I feel that my marriage ended is because when my H chose to screw another woman, he broke his commitment to me--to forsake all others and keep himself only unto me.<P>I have told my H that I want another commitment--the whole nine yards. New proposal, new rings, new wedding on a new date--but that he must also <B>WANT</B> it. I don't know if that day will ever come, or if I can even keep on waiting for it more than another year or so. I do know that before we actually do the new wedding bit, I will have to really believe that he has told me <B>everything</B>! There must be no more lies. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts.<P>So, I guess I'm still married, but my H is not. Sorta weird, isn't it?

Mexwill, sorry it it has taken so long to respond. She still to this day has come out and told me everything. all she says is " what happened with him ".<P>thanks<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<BR>

oops

Everyone - Sorry for the delay in getting back. I took yesterday off from my life. (Actually spent much of it trying to track down Moby [censored], my new name for my W's OM.) This thread seems to have taken a turn into trying to justify ourselves, which is OK, but I'm really more interested in people's STORIES of how they confessed the affair or how their betraying spouse confessed the affair.<P>solid - That's what I say, everytime I think about what's happened to my marriage!<P>brownphd - Could you clarify that a little. I take it you mean, "She still to this day has NOT come out and told me everything"? Also, what exactly did she tell you to begin with and how did she break it to you? Did you have any suspicions before she told you? And do you mean by "what happened with him" that she gave you the details of her affair? I'd be interested in hearing more, though know from your other posts that most of what I'm asking is probably there, so will go and reread them.<P>Sweetpea - I sometimes feel like that too, that I'm married to my W, but she's not really married to me. It is strange. But lately, I've sometimes gone in the opposite direction, and wondered if it's worth it any more for ME to keep my commitment if she's going to do that.<P>trying - so I take it the OW's "package" to your W was info about your having gotten her pregnant. Interesting that you told your W the reverse of what betrayers usually tell their spouses, though I guess that could work too. A couple of Q's. Was it true that it wasn't emotional? And it sounds like you kept it a secret that you'd gotten OW pregnant?<P>PodPer and TS - Good answers! Yes, I don't think ANY kind of behavior is in and of itself necessarily grounds for ending the marriage. It's the decision of one or both parties based on where they feel the marriage is going.<P>nonplused - Apology accepted. I can understand why reading posts by betrayers can upset you if you're a betrayed. But the ones that upset me tend to be the ones on sites like Philanderers Forum, where the betrayers are really reveling in their affairs and telling each other how much they're having. The betrayers on MBF have all come to Jesus. R & B,<P>--Wex <P>

It sounds like the student was/is truly repentant over what she did. It sounds like she was repentant when she told her H.<P>My question is whether nonpulsed W was repentant and truly wanting to work on the marriage when he decided that isn't what he wanted.<P>I agree that he has the right not to forgive and move on. I, for one, however, am glad my H chose to forgive me. And I'm glad I have it in my heart to forgive my H now. Sometimes, it doesn't feel good to love. Sometimes, it costs everything we have in us. <p>[This message has been edited by hurtingwife (edited October 31, 1999).]

hurtingwife - I went back and read your story in your profile. That is some story, your H's OW having an affair with him from the grave! (I do believe this really is possible, BTW.) Agree with you that love always means sacrifice. I think that what a lot of us here on MBF are doing. Like you, we are sacrficing happiness and peace of mind for the love of our wayward spouses and to keep our marriages together despite everything.<P>--Wex