Boo, I do understand what you're going through. My BH was abusive in the past, and after I had an A he had daily angry outbursts (AO). So I've been in your shoes. But with the help of some sound advice from the Harleys, along with some people on this forum (JustLearning is good for wise advice), I've had to make some major changes too. Certainly abuse is never acceptible; I almost separated over it, but fortunately things worked out so we didn't have to.

While things may feel very dark right now, be assured there is hope. Some things that worked for my M were really focusing on quality time together. That seemed to help my BH see me like back before the A--back to when we were first dating. And it helped me to see him more like my "knight in shining armor" that I used to see him as.

Definitely consider the Harley program, follow the sound advice you get from the people on this forum, but also focus on quality time together. It's so simple yet also so life-changing.

Wanthealing,

May I ask how long he had outbursts? It was two years in December that he found out.

May I ask have you called the Harley's yet?

If so what did they say?

If not, pick up that phone now.

Boo, my BH's AOs have been an issue our whole M, but after the A he had AO daily about the A for 6 months until I contacted Dr. Harley and started focusing on quality time and showing more respect and grace. It really was Dr. Harley's counsel to my BH along with my personal changes that made a difference, since I believe the AOs would have gone on indefinitely otherwise. Plus we got some help from our pastor, whom my BH respects. Really, respect was lacking on all sides, and until that was restored the AOs were his outlet. Now we communicate so much better and share when we feel a love buster coming on, which usually nips the conflict in the bud.

Keep hope alive for your M!