OT,

Is is right for me to uproot her and destroy her world all over again?

Her world has already been uprooted and destroyed by OW and WH, YOU did NOT do this. The sad part is that DD is in sense part of the affair.

Give OWs deviousness she has done this before and will continue to do it, tell OWH please,

Also please get yourself tested for STDs immediately.

God Bless
Gamma

We moved to the town next door but I kept DD in the old school when OW withdrew her DD and took her to other parts. She is a nurse and likes to get visiting nurse jobs wherever sounds good to her at the time. I know .. I know.. she's a serial cheater.

I am going to get slammed by the 2x4's now. I did not expose to OWH because I did not find this site until a year after d-day. I didn't realize how important it was until we were well into reconciliation. At that point, I wanted no more drama.

I now sleep with one eye open and have not detected any wayward activity. I think her returning her DD to school is just her selfish, insensitive, and self entitled way in life.

Thanks for getting me to see how the door is now open for full exposure to OWH. I don't think he is going to believe that his fine upstanding wife is a liar and a cheat.

I would call up the OWH and let him know about the affair. Your H can confirm your story of the affair so its not like you need proof.

Secondly, I would take your DD out of that school. The presence of the OW and her DD in your lives endangers your marriage which is the greatest threat to your DD's security. And she should know exactly why if she hasn't already been told.

Sorry you are in this mess, but exposure is your best protection. The more people who know, the more ppl to hold your H accountable. And you don't need to worry about proof, your H can vouch for the affair.

He doesn't have to take your word for it. Your H can back you up.

It doesn't matter if OWH believes you or not. All that matters is that you did your part and told the truth. Would your F(?)WH back you up?

He should back her up. I would insist that he does.

oak I think your H has to come up to the mark on this one.

Your H MUST support you on this and inform OW's Husband of the facts.

This is one of those times when a FORMER WS has to demonstrate that he or she is truly a FORMER.

If he does not then is he truly a former??? Not sure but it would be a big red flag on that score.

Yes it is difficult... perhaps a bit confronting for him to admit to OW's H that he betrayed him as a 'bud' ...but that too is the price you pay for play.

You could get OW's husband on the phone... perhaps at his work place ... and tell him the facts... dot points but clear ... perhaps write it out and then have your husband confirm each point.. day...times and so on to OW's husband.

Explain up front its not to hurt him but to let him know the issues with her DD attending schools with yours... possible contact and so on... not sure how you would feel about this but maybe refer him here to obtain some insight.. I'll not push that not knowing how you would feel on that score.

My thoughts on this Oak are that if OW husband is NOT informed what do you next time? Do you keep moving? I feel OW husband needs to know and needs to also ensure that there is NO CONTACT FOR LIFE. If that does not work perhaps moving state may be required.

sorry that this has happened Oak.

NOT all married woman are OW and not all other woman are married.

Time to tell the OWH. Never to late to tell the truth.

I just called OW BH at work. I got his voicemail and left a message that we needed to talk. He knows me so I am hopeful that he will call back.

Hope I did not blow it by leaving a message.

I plan to tell him that I am moving DD to another school and he needs to know why. I also plan to to tell OW BH that if OW continues to lurk in the shadows and have contact with my DD that I will have no choice but to expose OW to the new principle, teachers, coaches ....whoever is involved

Had a discussion with FWH. Asked him if he would admit to the A if OW BH asked him. He said yes.

I know that some of you suggested that my FWH should make the call but it was something that "I" needed to do for myself. I agree that it does not matter whether OW BH believes me or not...it is the right thing to do.

I won't get hung up on the politics of who should or shouldn't make the call. The call got made. Mission accomplished.

I think the important thing is that your H has agreed to confess his participation to OWH.

Forgot to mention that I did not tell FWH that I was going to call OW BH. I am waiting to see what falls out from this.

Oak

Good job, oaktree! Of course, if the OW BH does not believe you, he can simply ask your husband.

This is a start, but not a solution to the problem. This not going to be resolved if you and your H continue to be so close to the OW. The affair will likely pick back up.

Aside from that, it's a negative trigger for you. That alone is sufficient enough reason to not live close to OW. You simply don't need the headache.

OW BH just called me back. I asked him if it was true that his DD would be returning to my DD class. He said no and what did it matter if she did return.

I told him that if DD did return, I would be moving my DD to another school and I wanted him to know the truth about why I would be doing that. I didn't think it was fair for an 8 yo to have to face the OW who was sleeping with her Dad.

He accused me of "manufacturing" the whole story about his DD returning to school in order to call him and make waves again. He told me that "wow" you really need to get over this and move on. "He was at a complete loss as to why I would call him with this lame story about our daughters" (his words).

I stayed incredibly calm through out and and tried to emphasize that OW needed to stay away from my DD and my husband and when I hear stories about OW coming back on the scene, I need to verify at the source (him).

He did not let on whether he knew the truth or not but he was really pissed. Insinuated that I am fanatical.

Waiting for the fall out.
Good news is that DD can stay where she is.
Oak

Oak, don't let his head-in-the-sand response disappoint you. You accomplished what you set out to accomplish. You found out that their DD won't be in your DD's class. You told him about the A. What he does with this info is not under your control.

It's me again. Oak_tree (aka pokerface).

Maybe my mistakes can be helpful to others. Here is what happens when boundaries are not properly set.

To summarize, my DD and OW DD used to attend the same school. OW took her DD out of that school and my DD remained. I was advised by everyone here to move my DD to new school where we would no longer be running in the same circles.

I had discussion with OW BH and was assured that his kids would not be returning to my DD school. I decided to leave my DD in her current school until the end of this school year. DD was involved in many school activities and I wanted to let her finish those out. I felt that I was safe for the short period until the year ended.

WRONG. OW decides to make appearance at the school production a few nights ago. Not only does she sit in the front row, but she also feels the need to stand up in the front row facing the audience. I am watching her wondering if she is doing this for my WH benefit. You know ... look at me now, do you miss me ...

After the show, my WS darts out of the school so fast that I couldn't even find him.

Later that evening I asked WH why OW felt it was OK to come to an event where our family was going to be and to sit/stand in the front row. I was just throwing that out because of course he wouldn't know because of NC rule. His response was that "I didn't know she was going to go". What? He also claims that he didn't notice she was there until I pointed it out that evening.

So for a couple of days I felt like I had spiraled back about two years. I keep asking myself why she felt it was OK to spit in my face again. Almost seems as if there has been contact.

I have not really addressed this with WS yet because I could feel a major AO coming on. How and what do you think I should say to him?

You must NOT be angry with him. Do you believe that this is his fault? How can it be - except that he had the affair that brought about the whole situation? If you are going to be angry with him for the spiteful things OW does, you are going to alienate him.

Why do you need to discuss this with him at all? Haven't you talked to him about it once already, and didn't he say he did not know about it?

BTW, I did not understand this point:

"His response was that "I didn't know she was going to go". What?"

What do you mean "what?" Don't you believe him? Why not?

pf, I know how angry you feel about your H having brought this filth into you marriage. How could he have been so stupid? Now you (and perhaps even your daughter) have to suffer for his craven weakness for free sex with a stranger.

But if you keep displaying anger to him for an affair you believe to be over and NC in place, you will ruin your recovery.

Ask me how I know this.

First of all [[[pokerface]]]], I cannot imagine how that must have felt having to sit there at your DD's school event while this POSOW did this! It makes me very angry on your behalf!!


Are you going to let OW BH know that she was there? It sounds like he was led to believe that OW would not go to the school anymore and I can't help but to wonder if she did this without his knowledge.

Do you have transparency with your H? Do you two spend most of your free time together so that it would be almost impossible for him to be continuing the A without your knowledge? If so, then try to have faith that this was solely the OW's doing...

Sounds like it is time to start looking for jobs and a home in a different state; family > geography.