Sorry.... clark_kent. didn't respond b/c I talked with steve today and wanted to hear what he had to say before I said anything.

My session with Steve went well. I am to stay in plan b. He advised me to resend the plan b letter to him again. I think I am going to rewrite it so is anyone willing to help me with it??? He said to just give it a while longer and statistics show that their affair will most liekly end soon. Protect myself and the kids, etc. The problem that I am having is that his family is going along with what he is doing and enabling him, rather than saying as long as he is doing this they won't support this choice, etc. Gave me some ideas as far as what I should do with my petition (things to ponder). Reminded me that he is an addict and until he sobers up and takes responsibility for his actions. he gave me the name of a book to read and I think I am gonna try to find it. He reassured me that I am the only one not crazy in that bunch! Told me to hold in that position and that it is recommended that people take at least 6 mos after a divorce before bringing another signif other around the kids.... obviously WH is NOT doing that~!!!

I am meeting with an attorney on Saturday and I really liked talking to him and he seems like he is going to advocate more and work for me more.

Sounds like you have more of a definite plan now, so that's great!

Yep.................... STAY DARK. And try to get enough stuff to keep OW away from my kids. I will post my letter in a bit.. can anyone help??

I'll be happy to look at it, but I won't be much help since I'm new to all this!

Your attorney should never have taken OW on as a client if you were his client. Once you find a new attorney, I would make clear to the other one that he had a conflict and he should not have taken her case. If you are sure he new she was your OW and that he was representing you and her despite knowing she was your OW, I'd report him to the State Board of Professional Responsiblity (Bar).

I gave him her name when I met with him initially. Now, whether she had already paid her retainer to him or not when I filed is unknown. However, I know that she filed after me. I called him out on it and asked if it was a conflict of interest that he was representing her and me and he said no. I should have followed my gut and stopped right then and there.

I am getting ready to go to class so I will have to post my letter later. I have a feeling it is going to need some tweaking for sure. I think I am going to mail it to him instead of email.

When did you go to Plan B and why are you still communicating with your WH at all? I am sorry, I have sometimers, how old are your children?

You should NOT be discussing ANYTHING with your WH. He won't think that you are serious about NC while in Plan B if you continue to talk to him.

I went to plan b last week but since he has come to the house twice (and had to be chased out of my neighborhood by my dad) and has called... I am FINALLY at plan b for one day. lol He didn't get it... I think he gets it now that I mean business. Steve told me to send him another plan b letter.

He took the kids tonight and then took them to OW's house to "visit" and send them down in her basement to "play" for a little bit. But, low and behold, my DS found out that our old furniture is at HER house in her basement and WH's dresser is now in her boys room! Then they left and went out to dinner with just WH and my 2 kids. How convenient that he just had to go "visit" and send them to show where our stuff is. GO FIGURE. DISGUSTING. Well, when her kids have ruined our stuff and they end their relationship, his furniture is gonna be destroyed and I'll give him an "I told you so!"

I think I need to give him a new plan b letter and give it to him.

So seriously, since he thinks he is moving in with her and such, is it even worth it for me to write another plan b letter telling him how much I love him still and want to be a family with him? I am sure he is going to laugh all the way to his attorney about it. He tells the kids he is never moving home.... I just don't even know if it is worth the time and effort to be honest.

I think since Steve told you to, just do it.
Whether it hits the mark with your Wh or not....what the heck.

Maybe it will sink in better with him and maybe he'll laugh about it.

It will speak your piece though. Once and for all unless and until he ends the affair.

Then, try to ride your own withdrawal waves and move into your future.

I really like the saying "Time'll tell".

Thanks reading. It really is so hard. He did tell our children last night that he is moving into her house. My son said he still wants his dad to come home.

I don't understand how he can go on with Ow and just walk into her life and help her with her house, etc when he wouldn't even help with ours! My house is still in disarray from him living here and so much hasn't been fixed. He wouldn't help me organize stuff here but yet he continues to help OW. Makes me feel like such a horrible person, that I didn't deserve to have my husband help me.... that he didn't care to help me or our kids. But now he wants to be with an immoral person and help her to the ends of the earth,,, and be a father to her children when he is hardly one to his own. Oh, and apparently they have discussed having a child together. (He won't be able to afford much after a divorce that's for sure). I can't believe I just got kicked to the curb after all I gave up for him and our familyh. It makes me angry beyond belief. And the thing is, he just doesn't care. How can someone just walk out on their family, not take care of them and then become so involved in hers.

Hi there,

Don't try to make sense of his decisions, he is not the man you married or the father of your children anymore.......he is a possessed man by an affair.........
He is like an addict and no real thinking happens for him.
Just stick to your Plan B and in no way help him with anything.........if he wants something to happen or work out make him do the work, in the meantime work on yourself, look good, smell good, keep busy and be the best mom you can be.......
Don't worry about him being broke, he obviously thought all this was an okay option....so let him starve............take care of you and your children.....
The best revenge is living a life that is better than the one you had with him, he isn't worth it................give yourself time and you will see that this is what is best for you...........
good luck and (hugs)

I am trying desperately not to make sense of his decisions. It is hard not to....... and to continue to be disgusted. I think he is going on vacation with her family... on a cruise... or so I heard. Yet another hurdle when his family AND hers seem to be condoning it. So much for her family being a moral, Catholic family eh?

I walked in to my son's classroom this afternoon to say hi and maybe spend a few minutes with him. I look down and who do I see playing on the floor with the kids? WH!!!! UGH! So blows plan b... AGAIN. I can't win....

Met with a different attorney sat. He seems like he would be more pro active in helping me out. Still can't keep OW away from the kids he says. She may be doing some horrible immoral things but not enough to keep her away from the kids. Seriously.... ridic. My counselor said basically WH is so far gone and the chances of him ever coming back to who he used to be are very slim. The fact that he has been gone for over 6 mos now also says that trying to repair things is almost zero. He's setting up his life with her. I know... give it time and it will die out. But seriously..... she seems to have him wrapped around her finger and he's helping with anything and everything... while I am stuck dealing with a house that's falling apart.

Jessi....

do you also believe that I just need to heal during plan b and not even think that he could or would remotely come back??

First off.
1. No counselor can fortell the future. This one is guessing on their own life experience which probably isn't that expansive or knowledgable about infedelity. Sure therapists see infedelity all the time but they don't seem to understand it at a deep level. Only superficial. Of course your WH could come back. Big deal he is setting up a life with OW. He built one with you and left it. He could leave her and set a new one up with you.

2. Not Jessi but you do need to heal in plan B and have hope he could come back, remote or not and turn away from the drama (cruise, etc) and turn towards your own future. If he comes back some day, having been in plan B will protect you from futher resentment and you will perhaps choose to rebuild with a repentant husband, perhaps not. It'll be dependant on the state of mind you have in the future. Plan B puts you in the best state of mind to make decisions.

3.Don't fret on running into WH by accident. It can happen even in the darkest plan B. When it happens you do not lovebust but are cordial though move back into your cozy blanket of darkness to the other side. I prefer thinking of it as a castle wall you retreat behind for self protection.

Thanks reading. counselor is a psychologist and she said based on studies and such, this is what she believes. I think she just sees me hurting so much since last june and thinks I need off the rollercoaster.

On another note, WH asked for another night of visitation on the weeks in which he doesn't have the kids on the weekend. Any thoughts on this? At this point, I said no.

So WH is now wanting to know why my son is in counseling, who he is seeing, what the counselor has been told, etc. He claims that it is b/c I tell the kids too much even though my son has seen them walking around the house half naked, making out, going in the bedroom and closing/locking door. I told the counselor all of the details of the party that happened in june and our camping trip as well (sleeping in tent in thunderstorm). She basically asked why WH isn't in counseling! I told her he was and then stopped going... she said it all sounds like a bad Lifetime movie. She also said, ideally... the kids would NOT be introduced or taken around her as they are so confused b/c they went from 2 parents to 2 separated parents to beign around OW all the time to staying at OWs house on weekends when he has the kids. WH also asked for thursdays on the weeks he doesn't have the kids on the weekend. I declined at this time.

Any other advice to stay in plan b??? I think he is acting out b/c he is no longer in control.. I am guessing this is part of it??? Anyone able to share their own personal experience of going through something like this? Share insight of when you knew fog was lifting? I don't see any hope b/c he is sooooo far into OW (moving in, etc) it's not funny.

Stay in a dark Plan B. Take care of the kids and let WH know the minimum through the IMs.

Some WSs come out of the fog and some don't. Some that have come out of the fog, were further gone than your WH.

Plan B is about taking care of and protecting yourself first.