Thanks HHH,
I know to be extra careful when talking to anyone of the opposite sex. There was no personal stuff said that could lead down any road I shouldn't walk down. We stuck to the facts on what WH has been doing. He did say something about me focusing and protecting me and the kids because I have no control over what WH will do. He also made a comment about how he only goes on FB every month or so to catch up with family. He has known many friends who got caught up on FB and did things they shouldn't do. I said "Like WH." We talked a little about the dangers of FB and other sites like that and boundaries. He also brought up what he went through in his first marriage. He was the BS. He said it was really hard on the kids and told me to watch them for any signs of stress or rebellious behavior. I asked about his wife and told him to tell her I said "Hi". (she is a really nice person and I like her a lot) He suggested I give her a call some time when things settle and meet her for coffee.

Admiration
He likes to feel needed and likes it when I ask him for help with something he is knowledgeable about. That is why I asked his advice on setting up a very detailed checking registrar that will keep track of what we spend and what we spend it on. He also took the initiative on the doorbell and I didn�t interfere or try to fix it myself. I thanked him for trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I thanked him for putting the groceries away and for putting DD to bed because I was sick. (there may be more I am forgetting)
Affection
This is a tough one right now because he didn�t want me near him. The hug last night shows me he is open to it again so I can start touching his arm when I talk to him or ask him if he would like a back rub if that opportunity comes up. Verbally I have been affectionate. I have to step it up a notch with some innocent flirting.
Domestic support
Taking care of the house and the kids. Making sure they are happy and have what they need. Asking if he needs anything when he is here. Making the home a comfortable place to come to. Not just cleaning but filled with love, laughter and fun. Laughter is a big LB deposit for him. He loves to laugh and make others laugh.
Financial support
I don�t work but I think working to cut spending is financial support.

Affection
Sexual Fulfillment
Conversation
Recreational Companionship
Honesty and Openness
Physical Attractiveness
Financial Support
Family Commitment
Admiration
(I put these in so I have them on hand to cut and paste when needed to post. Also for a reminder!)

As for the 4 Intimate Needs.
Sexual Fulfillment
Physical Attractiveness
Recreational Companionship
Is the forth Affection or conversation? They both can be intimate needs IMO.

We can�t go there with the first one. I don�t know where he has been.
I have been dressing casual but nice. No sweatpants, sweatshirts or t-shirts.
Nice shirt & jeans. I pull my hair back in a ponytail like WH likes. No make-up like he likes.
I do have a question about this though. He has said many times I don�t need make-up I am beautiful naturally. BUT I have noticed he is physically attracted to high maintenance woman. Maybe he likes me natural or maybe he wants me to stay natural so I don�t attract other men.
Recreational Companionship is another tough one. He doesn�t want to do anything recreational with me. I have to brainstorm on this one.
I have been engaging him in conversation when he wasn�t in a ticked off closed off mood. I just have to keep that up and avoid getting sucked in when he is moody so it doesn�t accelerate.

Well, well...
I haven't got served yet but I did go back onto the county web page and they have updated the file to include WH's lawyer's name. It is a pro-Dad lawyer. Right on her website's main page it says.
Dads Divorce.com connecting fathers with resources.
This should be interesting...
I have added his Attorney's name to the long list of info to give to my lawyer on Monday.

Sexual Fulfillment......one way to meet it without actually having sex is to flash some b@@b when he is looking and say nothing. Wink. (make sure the kids aren't in the room and can see....protect innocent onlookers...lol)
Etc.
Be creative with this.

Wear makeup and be high maintenance sometimes to balance out his actual desire (he might like no makeup but if he is going for women who wear it.....he is torn on his attraction obviously). Cover both basis while still in plan A.

Thanks reading,
How did you know WH is a b@@b man? lol!
Before the last couple of weeks of h$ll. When he "was done with the marriage" but still living here, there were a few times I had innocently been getting dressed when he walked in on me.
I have also had to stretch a few times to reach something and my much thinner belly was exposed. There are also times I need to bend over to get something while I am wearing my form fitting jeans. He tried not to let me know he noticed but.. he noticed. I will step that up with doing it in a way that he knows I am doing it on purpose.

I got a text from WH a little while ago.

DD wants me to take her out for the day tomorrow. Any Issues?

Do you know how hard it was not to send the reply that popped into my head?

I replied.
Sounds great! I won't say anything.

I said I won't say anything because once DD knows something exciting is coming up there is the the Spanish inquisition she puts us through.

Sounds like crabby WH is back today.

BTW is it alright if I do something that may annoy WH but there is no way he would know I did it on purpose? I know this is going to sound silly but one of the things he does that is part of he gets the best mentality is where he parks his car. Well it WAS on the right side and I took that over so when he comes he has to park on the left. When I got home tonight I backed my truck up on the left. It's a silly thing but it made me laugh. I am just going to park where ever I want.

I would advise to do nothing different in parking until Plan B.

Then ALWAYS park in his place.

ITA

If I ALWAYS park in his place I will have to walk 1.4 miles home.

I forgot about something funny that happened yesterday. We have one knife block that has several large knives and 4 steak knives. We also have a small block with 6 steak knives. I didn't see the small one. I looked a bit to see if it got pushed behind the coffee pot. I looked briefly a couple of times before it hit me that he took it. Then I thought, I bet he took the best knife we have. It even has it's own sleeve and spot in the drawer. OF COURSE he took it! I actually laughed.

It doesn't sound funny. Sounds like to me he is LBing. I hope that your not trying to hide your feelings behind a facade to us? WS yes. Us no.

Clark, I actually did find it funny. Is he being a selfish, self centered ba$stard? YES. But I can honestly say sometimes it is laughable and predictable. I really don't care that he took the best knife. I may not have noticed for weeks. Now things like the TV he want's to take I do care about and he isn't taking it period. I don't want to get into a debate over every little thing, I want to make a stand on the big ones. That is my personality. When I make a stand on something those who know me take notice. I know you guys haven't seen that yet but it's in there and when it comes out I think even WH will stand frozen in fear.

wow, 2 texts in one day. I feel so special.
This one was sent just before 11PM.

Didn't get the job with EMC. Now waiting to hear back on two others.

I will send back a sweet one with emotional support.

Sorry honey, I'm sure the right one will come at the right time.
He must have found out some time today and may be drowning his sorrows in a vat of beer.

I noticed this post on his FB wall from this morning.

Scars are souvenirs you'll never lose

Once again no one that posted knew what he was talking about and joked around. Poor WH, he's scared.

Good interaction!

And you'd better hide anything else little you don't want to lose.

Thanks. I really think not having him here is the best way to Plan A him. When he was coming and going as he pleased it was a HUGE LB for me. I got the best nights sleep that I have had in a long time. He is coming some time soon to take DD for the day. She gets to see his new condo for the first time.



Everything that means something to me I don't think would take. He is all about the best material stuff. I will have to really think about things though. Do an inventory of the whole house and hide anything I don't want him to take. Better yet, put it in a storage bin marked "MY STUFF do not take" And put the bin at the foot of my bed.

WH hasn't brought it up in a little while but I know he is going to ask about the $ I am holding on to again. Talking to him about how I need it as an emergency fund and how he has taken tons of money he could put in there is a waste of time. I was thinking of saying something like this.

WH, we aren't going to agree on some financial issues and it would be frustrating for both of us to try. Lets just leave that for our Lawyers to sort out.

Maybe add something positive about making the time we spend together happy/fun. Something like that.
Thoughts?

No, no, no. No "MY STUFF do not take". That is an open invitation to take it. Far better to put it in the garage in a box labeled "lace and doilies".

Shhhh, don't tell, but Neaksis puts stuff she doesn't want her kids to find in boxes marked "figurines", and I put mine in boxes marked "math textbooks". So far, neither one of us has ever had a problem.

You're on the right track in your answer by keeping it light and positive. I would recommend gently asking him when he is putting back the money he took out, and then changing the subject.

lol Neak!
I wasn't actually going to do that. That would be the first box he would look in and he would take stuff he didn't want or need. Hummm... Maybe I will do that and put random stuff in there and see if he takes it.

Anything I find that I don't want him to take I can just box up and drop off at my friends house until after I go into plan B. I can't think of anything right now but I'm sure I will find something when I go through stuff. I have been "cleaning out" on and off for weeks now. I have been wanting to do it for a long time but now I have extra incentive.

I was thinking about the stuff he has taken. I get why posters say all things that are marital should stay here. I think him taking stuff will make that stuff a constant reminder of me. Isn't the point of him taking all his stuff out of here not only because it is his and he has to deal with it but also so there are no reminders of him here? He will think of me every time he uses the knife. I wonder what he will be thinking?