Oh my.
I am here to support you.
And, I "get" it.
Our son is "out there" .... but, I don't know where exactly.
And, I'm (mostly) fine with not knowing. Weird, right?
If our DS was in a good place, he'd be telling us about it.
The silence speaks loudly.

Mr Pep is my rock right now, and helps keep me Al-Anon "sober".

DS was supposed to go into the army, but .... he might have blown his opportunity.
Texting was DS and my way to communicate. DS doesn't answer my texts.
Again, don't know why.

I remind myself daily that this is an illness.
They are sick.
They are untreated sick.
They are miserable and sick.

God's PEACE and GRACE is my wish for YOU.

Pep

As one of my ROCKS on this board I KNOW YOU GET IT. I know exactly what you are talking about with your son. Mine just let me back into his life (only lived 5 miles away) at Christmas but wants nothing to do with WW mom.

Thank you for your support.

The silence is what scares me at this point. My whole life has been taking trying care of my family the best I know how. That loss is what scares me. That creates a huge hole in what I am about and am. Without family I am lost since the whole cycle has become sick as it has gone along I am even lost in my family. If that makes sense.

The more I try to do the sicker it has gotten and I went WILLINGLY with it. The struggle to try and correct problems and make life better-WHEN IT WAS NOT MY STRUGGLE = ME GETTING AND STAYING SICK WITH MY FAMILY.

At this point WW will have to work out her own problems. Both A and alcohol. MY HELP DOES NOT HELP WITH EITHER PROBLEM.

During this time I plan to work on my problems-Mainly get a NEW Life that isn't surrounded with sick people going nowhere except in circles. Hard to walk away and watch from a distance.


ALSO-Who says this???

Serenity is my business.



God,


Grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference,

Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time,
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it,
Trusting that you will make all things
right if I surrender to your will,

so that I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely happy
with you forever in the next.

AMEN!

*This prayer is commonly atrributed to
Reinhold Niebuhr, American theologian,
Although the authorship is disputed.

DD and I text goodnight to each other at 12:06 am. Immediately another text comes in. Thought it was DD and without looking see a text from WW.

I am leaving. Come watch your DD. I sent back have IM call me with this info.

Took off into back and forth for the next hour with her finally saying she took pills.
WW " Not safe. Whats done is done
Me "Whats done. Whats not safe.
WW "Sorry, I love you. I tried. Tell my babies I Loved them.
WW another
"Pills bye-love ya-Tell my babies I LOVED them."

Wouldn't answer her phone then.

Called the sheriff. This really freaked me out. Drove up ro the house. They had already tried the door and she wouldn't answer. Went in and she is drunk sitting on the kitchen floor kind of asleep.

She freaked out when she realized an officer was helping her up. They ended up hauling her into the hospital. They have to take her in for evaluation and then hospital decides whether or not to release her once a call is made. Officer took photos of the texts and said no doubt she would have called.

Hospital wanted to send her to detox. No way was she going to sign in. She called her parents and they picked her up with the agreement she would stay with them for a while.

Now back at the house I left 10 minutes before they got there. Now her tune has changed. Whatever she agreed to is all changed.

Talked to FIL just a few minutes ago. He asked me how I lived like that for so long. Everything changed in a 20 mile ride.
Ive just learned not to believe any promises made were going to be kept in the last five or six years.

Not a way to nurture a M.

Dammed if I wouldn't have called and dammed because I did. WW already has spun this as I (nESRE)am setting her up for court. Well WW you did that on your own a long time ago. You can quit any time as far as I am concerned.

One hour of sleep. Gotta work all day. LOTS OF COFFEE.


Got to stay out of the crazy ville.

Got to run. Cant believe my life has come to this.

nESRE

Nerse,

Sorry this has happened, you were only trying to protect your ww, she was calling out for help......
She needs help and now she will be getting it, hopefully she will wake up and work at herself, maybe her family will have a good impact on her and she will regain her self esteem again.
Let this just play out, give everyone a little time to process, look after yourself and your children.........just reassure your wife her family and your children you want the best for your ww, that you were only trying to help her........
Do your best, be the best and everything else will take care of itself..........
(hugs)

((((NeSere)))


just finished your WHOLE thread. WOW! You've been on quite a ride. You are inspireing.




We are ALL too young. Mere children in the eyes of G-D. Found this to be inspireng also.

This song from a waaaay early post of yours:

youtube

JUST A PRFECT SONG...

Rule:

AWW (alcoholic wandering wife)
makes any threat to end her life = immediate 911 call.

No warning/negotiation/assessment of seriousness.

You do not go to her.
The authorities go there.
It stops her "reward" of being rescued by you.

Thanks jessitaylor

The only way I know to deal with her at this point with being alcoholic and WW is to physically detach. I moved out of my home for my sanity. Only took the my clothes and a few personal belongings.

I find it extremely hard to seperate A from alcoholism. It feels like one in the same since the A was confirmed first hand by me.




I will remind myself daily alcoholism is an illness

My W is sick

My W has had treatment many times. She knows the AA BigBook better than I. The Book is real clear that many will die chasing the elusive high of alcohol.

We just buried a 58 year old man saturday. Don't know if I ever saw him draw a sober breathe in 10 years. He was a helpless shut in with people around him bringing food-booze-pills-whatever he needed to him.

My W is miserable and sick. Trying to live with her and work my program of recovery keeps me sick. Wrecks my serenity. Her problems bleed over and become family problems. She is the elephant in the room. An anchor around our necks that is getting heavier and heavier each day.




WW has already spun this out of control. F/MIL are trying to reason with her. They know nESRE's character. There is no reasoning with WW. Her mind is sick and emotionally twisted.

Thanks for the hug.


God is the only one that will make it through to her at this point if it is HIS will.

nESRE

Pep

I screwed this up already.

I did go because I didn't know if they would enter the house without a key. Probably would have been best if I would have left. They did photograph the text messages. Within 2 minutes of sending the messages I called the police and did not tell her.

Was that really a rescue? She is extremely PO'd at me and is spouting I just did it for court? We live in a no fault state.

DD is now 17.5 years old. Child custody?? NO. What??

Twisted thinking.

If there is a next time I will stay out of the picture.

Will police enter without a key??

Where is that Rule Book??

Thanks Pep

nESRE

Mitzie

Your gonna make me cry with your words and the song.



Only one hour of sleep last night. The last three nights with being alone I tossed and turned all night.

Thanks.

It's over.
Talking about the next time.




What you want to avoid is you going there to lift her off the floor, slap her face, and say "WAKE UP !".

If you meet the cops in front and never go inside, that's better.

You don't want her to die.
You don't want her to repeat this performance.

What is her rightful consequence of all suicide threats/gestures?
She will be dealt with by the authorities. Every time.
AWW does not get to experience YOU with your arms around her and the care/concern written all over your face.

Once AWW realizes that any time she makes such threats the authorities will respond, not you, the threats will cease.
It's a matter of training.
Just like training a dog.
Behavior X = consequence Y
EVERY TIME

AWW has been training you to respond.
Reverse the training.

Gotcha

Thanks Pep

Why do you even listen to anything she says?
She is a falling down drunk.

LINK to FALLING DOWN DRUNK


AWW HAS A COGNITIVE DEFICIT.
Caused by chronic alcoholism.

I wouldn't take anything she says seriously.
She is brain-damaged.
If she continues much longer, it will be permanent.

LINK - Female brain more damaged by alcohol


Eventually, it leads to Alcohol Dementia


Like I said.
A REAL disease.
With REAL and serious life-threatening consequences.

You can't be her physician.
It is serious.
Allow authorities access to AWW as often as possible.


(((( HUGS ))))

Allow me to rephrase .....

AWW does not get to experience an hour of worried/concerned/caring text messages from you.

She's trained you to respond knowing your concern for her wellbeing.
She will "up the ante" at first.
The messages/texts will get more and more desperate and alarming once you stop responding.
If anything seems truly worrisome, call 911.

Turn off your phone.
Go for a walk.
Call your sponsor.
Pray.
Listen to Casting Crowns.
Go to a meeting.

Wow Pep you know your stuff.



This explains what I live and it has gotten signifigantly worse in the last 2 years. I have heard that alcoholic woman drinkers don't fair very well after age 50. She is almost 48.

WW is always asking questions about everything that has gone on while drinking. She has admitted to me blackouts with only as many as four typical drinks. Sometimes I think she is joking me cause I can't tell when she is in a blackout.

I have tested her with questions from drinking episodes to see what she does remember and a lot of times she doesn't have a clue. Dates, times, people involved all are a blur to her.

At times I have sat back and watched stories change each day until I believe she arrives at a story that is believable to her.




Its hard watching your W slowly die.

nESRE

Stop watching.
You only watch hoping you can help.

Pep


nESRE


I will try my best to mind my own business as well as I can. Help when I am able and willing to help. When it is OK with me, safe, earned or deserved.

nESRE

My prayers were answered yesterday.
I got a call.
He just took a 30 day chip.
He sounded like a "m.e.n.c.h." (I had to add the periods. Spellcheck would not allow any Yiddish. It kept changing to "munch")

mench

A German word which, in Yiddish, means "a good person". A mench is a particularly good person with the qualities one would hope for in a dear friend or trusted colleague; a gentleman.

He still might make it into the Army as planned.
More prayers.


I'n not Jewish, but after living in So Cal for so many years, one picks stuff up .... yanno?

Don't you just love that feeling -when you sit back

all alone-

Softly say

THANK YOU

From the bottom of your heart.


Made me feel good when I read this.
nESRE

I feel so humbled and so grateful.

I surrender my son to God.

Thanks brother nESRE