I confronted OW through email, and OWH confronted WH through phone and email. Neither of them responded. WH is meeting with his boss now and is pissed at me. I wish I could say I cared, but I don't.

Isn't that just too bad!!!!

If the A is so much fun then everyone should know!!!

Good on ya hssh!!!

hssh, please finish your exposures TODAY. Doing just a little bit is not enough to end the affair, but just enough to piss him off. What is the most likely to kill this affair is the constant pressure from outsiders. He needs to be hearing from his parents, your children, your parents, close friends. Your H will be furious, but if you do this right, it may be enough to kill his affair.

Exposure is the greatest tool you have against an affair. It can be ruinous when others are talking to him about it and trying to get him to stop. Don't stop now! just a little exposure is about like bringing a pea shooter to a gun fight.

You are doing great.

I would just say to keep the pressure on. Every time you know that they have been in contact, you contact OW and OWH should contact your WH to let the affairees know that you two are going to fight this.

My sister's WH was really entrenched in his A. My sister asked all those she exposed to to contact her WH and every time they did, it really put more pressure on him. My H was the same way, the day I exposed, between his siblings and parents, he must have gotten 50 phone calls. He wouldn't answer but he was so mortified...

Hang in there.

What do you mean again?

My husband is furious I talked to his boss, who is also a friend of his. He came home 2.5 hours ago and has only come in to kiss the kids goodnight. He didn't even tell me when he came home and he didn't look at me as he walked through the house.

He cleaned out the bank account to go see OH last weekend. Left us overdrawn and my mom put $ in our account. WH spent $70 at a bar last night with his buddy, so I took what was left out of the account. He blows $ like he's the only one entitled to it. He only spends $ on himself--never the kids, so I am entitled to it too. We have always had shared accounts, no matter who was making more $. I am unemployed right now and that pisses him off too.

Our bedroom wall meets up with the garage, where he sits and hangs out with the neighbor guys (also hurting everyone else's marriages). We have talked many times about the volume of the radio and the party going on in there since I can hear everything through the wall. And he's doing it again. He has the radio up loud and 3 other guys in there . They are loud and inconsiderate. I feel completely alienated in my own home.

Everyone knows about the affair (his parents, friends, boss, her family, and friends). My kids are scared we're going to split up and my 2 oldest came to me crying today. He still shows no sign of remorse. Only anger. The OW moved out of her house today and OWH is devastated. I'm just so confused.

He sounds like a boy. How old is this kid?

PLEASE tell your children the truth. Your kids are confused enough without adding to the problem by giving them false explanations. Kids can deal with the truth, they can't deal with lies. Lying to them is harmful to them.

Why do you allow this in your home? This is not good for your kids. I would shut this down right away and send them off. That is ridiculous for you and your kids to tolerate that childish behavior. They need to see an adult step forward and put a stop to that.

He's about to hit his 30th birthday in March, which he's been freaking out about for 2 years now. I have told him in the past what I felt about his garage time and he gets defensive. Right now he's pissed off and he should be, but I don't know if I can handle another fight tonight. We are both non-confrontational which I know is the problem. And I know this sounds stupid, but I'm terrified of pushing him away more. I talked to his boss after their meeting and he said WH was good and knew what he stood to lose. Boss told me to listen with an open-mind? I asked if there was anything he said that I should be prepared for, and he said no. But WH still isn't talking. That was what he was so upset about in the first place--that we didn't talk. I'm going out there to break it up. But we'll see how he reacts.

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He is a 29 year old punk and is acting like one. I would enlist your father to come over and help you out. Do your parents live close?


He told you to listen to WHAT? To your husband's fogbabble? The last person you need to listen to is a childish man who is irresponsible and reckless.


hssh, if your husband is childish and reckless, it is up to you to step up to the plate and be the adult. You are all your children have. And your boy husband acting like a teenager out in the garage is unacceptable. if he is going to act like a boy, you should treat him as such. I would shut down the party in the garage and call the sheriff if he doesn't end it. That is ridiculous.

hssh, your H is out of control and it is up to you to protect yourself and your kids from him.

Why haven't you closed that joint account yet?

At the very least, you shouldn't be putting money into it, only for him to take it out.

You should advise the OWH to follow the MB principles, it is rare an OW leaves home unless she has somewhere to go , her leaving implies that your husband and her have been doing some planning. I think there may be worse to come.

As and when money is deposited draw it out I would go so far to obtain legal advice if he walks out as while you are not working and have children you should be entitled to the greater portion of monies earned, feel no guilt as it will be his choice, you must be prepared for the worst.

I completely agree. I will be pulling out $ as soon as it comes in just to make sure my kids are cared for. This week WH has been the exact opposite of the H I thought he was. Part of OW reasoning for leaving was because her fight with her H became physical when he tried to keep her from cleaning out their account. I have talked to OWH about this sight and the principles involved, but cannot make him look at it.

I don't know if they are planning anything or not. Since she lives out of state, and I have talked to their boss, I don't think either of them would be able to transfer cities. WH is furious that I have told everyone, saying that I got people involved in our problems and no one will look at him the same again. I told him he was right. But if he chooses to be a man and work on the marriage and salvage what we have, people will see it as a mistake and a learning experience and will eventually have a stronger marriage. But if he takes off and gives up, people will see him as a coward who abandon his family. It was a tough pill to swallow, but we're done sugar-coating things.

I broke up the party last night and he was mad, but things have to be said. Not communicating is what got us here in the first place. I am preparing for Plan A and praying Plan B never happens, but will do it. We have been together 13 years today. Happy anniversary...

Stay on course your actions are giving you the edge , do not let him get control. In the interim buy the "surviving a affair" and have your husband read it, this should be one of the pre requisite for him to work on marriage recovery. When the affair is over he must write a no contact letter , a sample is in the book or we can post. Doing this helps kill the vision in the OW's mind of future contact.

Set boundaries as to family time, if he can party with friends he can sit with you and read stories to the children or take you out to the movies, it is time he took on more of the father role.


All this takes time so be resolute and know what you are going to do in response to his actions.

It's ironic that he says I haven't been there for him, when he chooses to sit by himself outside. I have ventured out there many nights just to be near him and make an effort, but there is no conversation between us because half our neighborhood is out there. Its also just too dang cold to sit out there now.

And everyone around him can see that he is not physically present in the kids lives. Yes, he runs errands with us on the weekend and attends family functions most of the time. But as soon as he's home, he checks out. His parents and siblings know this, my family knows this, the kids see it, but he refuses to acknowledge that his self-secluding behavior is the root of this evil. All he ever had to do was come inside. For years I've come up with excuses to go out there just to talk to him, but after getting little to no response back, what's the point? I went to the bookstore to find a copy of "Surviving an Affair" but no one has it, so I will have to order it. I was hoping I could start it now.

He told me last night he didn't want to be pressured into making a decision, and I certainly don't want him to pretend he wants to be here, but I will not give up my chance to show him what's right. Family is right. Our vows were right. I meant every word of them and thought he did too. And if he can't see that, he will lose the best things that ever happened to him.

This is a cake-eating stalling tactic because he doesn't want to put the crackpipe down (OW). Have you demanded that he end all contact with her?

If you order SAA from this site, it will ship out pretty quickly. Have you read the basic concepts and the carrot and stick of Plan A? I can link it for you if not...

There will come a time that if he does not commit to you , pack his bags and turn him out. Only you can determine that time, if he shows no remorse, does not change to make the marriage a better one you will be forced to a decision.

There are a set of emotional needs questionairs under one of the tabs on the home page. If your husband will not fill it out with you do so for him , this is not the best way but gives you a start, the exercise is to help you understand those areas where both of you are not meeting each others needs.

Ok, I am done being hurt and angry. A weeks worth of fighting and crying has done us no good (especially since we're both non-confrontational people). I have demanded that he end it. We'll see how that goes--it will end eventually one way or another since it was doomed from the beginning. Their work has been informed and everyone we know knows. (He's really pissed about that, but he'll get over it). I have figured out his new password for his email, which I will be checking regularly but not informing him of.

I have read the articles on this website thoroughly and am vowing to make my feelings known in a constructive and mature way. We will no longer be keeping things bottled up inside, or waiting till its too late to share them. I have read through Plans A and B, and am prepared. He said I had lost my self-confidence, which was true because I had been unemployed for so long despite the massive # of interviews I have been on (you were really great, couldn't have done anything different, saying all the right things, BUT we're hiring somebody who_______). My confidence has been restored because I know I can handle what's coming. It could be the start of a fresh, intimate marriage again, or the beginning of my being on my own. But I know I can do it. God doesn't take you places he doesn't think you can handle.

I appreciate all your support and information, you all have been very helpful. I will continue to check in, but I will not be obsessively checking like have done the last couple of days. I have stopped talking to OWH since we are now being monitored by them and I can't be that. We will talk when there is something the other person NEEDS to know, but we will lean on other people from now on. I want to be part of the solution, not the problem. So I will be focusing on my husband and our relationship and staying the hell of theirs. Thank you all.

You are a quick learner and I have high hopes for you. This "affair busting" stuff is hard. OW moved out???? Is she still out? She's likely to TRY to play the old damsel in distress (listen to me ...I've left my husband for you so you HAVE TO leave your family for me...she will try to make him feel OBLIGATED to her).


You are wise to distance yourself from OWH and their family. The urge to even the score is a big risk in such communications. Don't ever meet up with him alone for any reason (but I sense you know that).

Keep in touch. We've been done your street before and collectively we can assist you as you attempt to restore your marriage and family.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

p.s. - Try to schedule/plan a road trip (even a cheap weekend trip) with your husband ASAP where just the two you will be forced to communicate. Talking in the car on the way is the ideal place to conduct these conversations. You aren't face to face and he's trapped but won't feel trapped.