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Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
Pepperband #2476953 02/15/11 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveCAG
I think my wife is a freeloader right now (just coming out of the affair) and I'm the buyer.

Plan A/B by there very nature are for Renters. A Buyer would never utilize these plans.

Plan A: A BS wither explicit or implicit demands that the affair stop within a certain period of time. And that WS recommits to recovering marriage, otherwise Plan B.

Plan B: WS must meet certain requirements in order for BS to work at recovering marriage.

Recovery is where BS and WS start work to become Buyers.

Is a cake eater WS a Freloader or Renter
Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
clark_kent #2476959 02/15/11 11:46 AM
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LoveCAG Offline
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Clark:

She is definitely working on it bit by bit... She is also pregnant so her energy level is very low and has been sleeping a lot. We still been meeting more than 15 hours of quality time a week, though. So that is good.

At the moment I am not expecting her to become domestic support queen or to be ready for too many kisses lol. When she was pregnant with my first child she often gagged as she kissed me because I stunk lol.

I bought gum that smells good so that helps.
Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
LoveCAG #2476971 02/15/11 11:59 AM
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Shrek's Swamp
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Pepperband Offline OP
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Shrek's Swamp
Quote
She is also pregnant so her energy level is very low and has been sleeping a lot.

Do you have your own thread?

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
Pepperband #2581979 01/06/12 02:15 PM
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Shrek's Swamp
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Pepperband Offline OP
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Shrek's Swamp


The greatest insight I gained from this book is the following:

Quote
Renters believe Sacrifice is reasonable as long as it's fair.

Buyers believe Sacrifice is dangerous and to be avoided.

Many people who 'think' they are buyers assume their sacrificing makes them a buyer.
Nothing is further from the truth.

It's a truth that many noobies to MB have difficulty reconciling with their previously held beliefs and habits.

POJA is the gold standard for a happy MB marriage.
Sacrifice is the anti-poja. (There are a few emergency/safety exceptions)

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
Pepperband #2582002 01/06/12 03:23 PM
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MelodyLane Offline
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Amen! People who sacrifice tend to KEEP SCORE and when the score is not even, they resort to demands to settle the score. These marriages are characterized with resentment because most marriages consist of a giver and taker. The person who does most of the giving eventually gets tired of giving without reciprocation and becomes angry.

Extreme giving leads to extreme taking and notions like "By golly, I have given and given so you OWE me!!" <-----many affairs begin with that premise.

Another noxious form of sacrifice is "compromise." Compromise usually produces WIN/LOSE solutions. The POJA produces WIN/WIN solutions.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: BUYERS RENTERS and FREELOADERS
MelodyLane #2582130 01/06/12 06:10 PM
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Amen! People who sacrifice tend to KEEP SCORE and when the score is not even, they resort to demands to settle the score. These marriages are characterized with resentment because most marriages consist of a giver and taker. The person who does most of the giving eventually gets tired of giving without reciprocation and becomes angry.

Extreme giving leads to extreme taking and notions like "By golly, I have given and given so you OWE me!!" <-----many affairs begin with that premise.

Another noxious form of sacrifice is "compromise." Compromise usually produces WIN/LOSE solutions. The POJA produces WIN/WIN solutions.

Very wise words and so very true!

"The #1 reason why people give up so quickly is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, rather than how far they've gotten."

Me, FBW(46) H, FWH (43)
M - 21 yrs & counting
D (20)
S (18)
S (16)
Surviving and Thriving since November 2010 thanks to MB!
My Recovery Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538986#Post2538986
My Original Thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457141&page=1
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