Kirby, new judge? Great! Ask your attorney to file a motion for an expedited hearing/trial to request a final order if an agreement was reached at mediation. I believe mediation IS binding if a mediation settlement was reached and signed by the parties. If no agreement was signed, then there was no resolution at mediation and the case would proceed to trial.

Oh, princessmeggy, it's all kinds of a mess now. Our mediator was the head of our accounting firm, not a professional mediator. We didn't sign anything at mediation. If he had kept his same lawyer, this would be over with because THAT lawyer would have pressured him to stick to his agreement.

We had our mediation "completed" right before a trial date that had already been set with CrazyJudge. So, on the trial date, the lawyers went before CrazyJudge and told her that there had been a successful mediation and requesting to have the divorce transferred to the uncontested calendar.

Instead of requiring them to PICK a FREAKING date for the uncontested calendar (which would have forced them to bring this to a speedy conclusion), the judge simply agreed. So after a couple of weeks of waiting for the paperwork to be completed, Himself gets fired by his lawyer and hires StupidLawyer.

While he was going through the mess of losing CompetentLawyer and hiring StupidLawyer, I signed the divorce agreement and my lawyer sent it to CompetentLawyer's office. At the time CompetentLawyer was still the attorney of record. I have no idea where the Marital Dissolution Agreement is now.

And on Friday, StupidLawyer sent this Stupid Letter to CrazyJudge requesting a change of venue. CrazyJudge is probably going to hit the roof. She will feel that she's been lied to. (And I wouldn't blame her). CrazyJudge is already in trouble with whoever it is that oversees her for being incompetent and behind on her cases.

I have a meeting today with my lawyer. I don't know what she'll say, but I bet she's furious.

Kirby,

So how did it go with the lawyer,

And I am sure you have to have a formal mediation before you can go to court to fight it out. I would press your lawyer for a formal mediation hearing, unless of course himself has decided to sign what you guys had worked out.

I had a chance to do in informal mediation and passed on it because I know that if it failed I would have to repeat the process again in a formal setting. With the $$$$$$$ flying around the room.

The latest is that his new lawyer got it changed to a different court.

I don't know if lawyer #2 is going to hang around any longer since he doesn't have to worry about the former judge doing anything to him now.

Theoretically, we have completed mediation and came to an agreement. In actuality, we've been waiting for his responses to some minor issues for three weeks.

My lawyer has requested a status update from his lawyer. I don't even know which lawyer she's considering "his" any more.

This thing is making me insane.

Ah Kirby, I feel for you. Divorce is bad enough, but to have them string it out forever? Ugh.

Why do you think you stbx is doing this?

I think he's out for control, and is reluctant to let go of any money. That's my take.

Anyway, I've been out of town for awhile and just got back, and I have an UPDATE!!

The day I was leaving, I found out that my husband had signed the Marital Dissolution Agreement. This was after sitting on it for THREE weeks.

An hour before I left town, I had to go to my lawyer's office to sign the modified agreement. Then the kids and I left to go on vacation. We had a GREAT time getting away from all the divorce stress. I only checked my email once during the vacation and that was a mistake, because I learned that he's had his new lawyer start some new stuff.

My almost-ex has now filed for a modification of the custody agreement. Yes, there needed to be a modification because the person who was designated as a mediator in case of disagreement refused to take on the role. However, in the motion, he claims that I am interfering with his relationship with the children. Since HE claimed that his therapist told him not to see them (I think he was lying when he said it), and he has only asked to see them once since the agreement was filed, I don't see how *I* have done anything wrong.

Also in the new filing, he's asking me to pay his legal fees. That's preposterous. I have been a stay-at-home wife and mother since a few months after we got married, but he's asking me to pay his bills. That's nothing more than an attempt to get some of the marital assets taken away from me. What a twit.

Anyway. The divorce is now on the court calendar and should be final by the end of the month. Finally.

Isn't there some kind of motion you can file for his frivilous filings?

And he comes off as a big jerk to me for doing all of that and asking you to pay for it.

Sorry you have to deal with all of that. You know what I think? I think he likes the drama.

His actions are upsetting, but I'm sure glad you have a court date.

Yes, he IS a big jerk, and, yes, he likes the drama.

My attorney is out of town this week for spring break. Himself just sent me an email telling me that he's not going to pay me something that he is required to pay within the 30 days as outlined in the custody agreement. He's going to pay me later. I think we're going to end up in court over it all.

In the last month or so I've only been sending my WstbXH snail mail. Mostly because I've had to send him some receipts and paperwork where he had to get the physical item in order to deal with it properly.

I just got an email from Himself. It includes this statement: "Please respond by email ASAP, I am really feeling cutoff from my family due to my inability to open communication lines with you and them."

What garbage! He's feeling cut off from "his family" and it's all my fault.

Dude has a family. His sister and parents were happy to take him in when he moved out of the house the first time to pursue his affair with RunnerSlut.

He has sent the kids two emails since the custody agreement was filed in December. I don't think he has called them once. He has not asked to see them since Christmas. He declared in a meeting that his therapist told him not to see them. (I think he was lying.) He has not told me that his therapist has given him to go-ahead to see them again.

He took the boys on a vacation in May of last year and when they came back, they said they never wanted to go away with him again. Ever. Since that vacation, he has spent about 10 hours with them. But, he's feeling cut off from his kids all of a sudden. What garbage.

My theory is that he's back with RunnerSlut, but is keeping it quiet because his brother/business partner told him to end the affair. She's starting to ask why he doesn't see his kids. I just don't believe that he's suddenly feeling cut off.

So what does he want you to do about it?

It's not your responsibility to improve his relationship with the kids. My husband taught me that a long time ago.

Kirby,


I guess the most sound advice I got from a close friend of mine, is to keep a journal,

I didn't do it right away, I did start the journal over a year ago and now I keep up with it daily. Time will tell how much it will help me in the D but if nothing else it has helped me emotionally.

If I were you I would start the journal and would keep it going even after the D. Especially where it concerns the kids. By having the documentation on your level of care and his lack of attention to present to a judge if necessary could save you a lot of heartache.

You need to know what the court is looking for and build your evidence accordingly, and the more the WH plays into your hands the better.

Also, having the time lines written out helps you to keep your prospective.

I think they reccomend a spiral bound notebook. Write in pen. Date and time everything, write your info on every line and do not leave any spaces of "open text" between entries.

Oh yeah... be factual do not add personal comments here. do not write what you intend to do. Only things that happened

My divorce is final.

I"m very relieved to have this done.

{{{Kirby}}}

So the divorce was final this morning and I just got the following email from my WXH.


Here's my rant - the stupid idiot jerk refused to set up a visitation schedule when I first filed for divorce. After he asked to have them with just a one or two hour notice too many times, I told him that I had to have a 24-hour warning. After that, he rarely (like once a month) asked to see them. When we were in mediation for the custody agreement back in the fall, he announced that his therapist told him not to see the children, and he has not asked to see them since, except for Christmas.

The custody agreement was filed in December. It is a fairly standard every other weekend and one evening a week plan, with the provision that he would work with his therapist to create a schedule to increase visitation gradually. He has not suggested any kind of visitation schedule since the custody agreement was filed. He has their cell phone number and their email addresses, but he rarely calls or emails. But, he thinks that I'm the one who has destroyed the relationship?!? He feels betrayed?!? I've got a newsflash. My kids feel betrayed by their father, and they're having a hard time getting any enthusiasm for a renewed relationship.

Rant over.

Amen Kirby! {{{{{{Kirby + Kids}}}}}}

I just got told yesterday, that since I'm the one always with my DS and doing thing likes movies, dinner, etc...that I'm "turning him against" her. My only reply to that was "when are you here, to even see what we do?".

It's disheartening that an "adult" can be so oblivious. The sense of entitlement is what's killing me lately. Guess what? You WANTED this...remember?

Anywho. Rant-on-rant over.

{{{{{{{{Kirby}}}}}}}

You're right. He is behaving like a stupid idiot jerk. It is not your responsibility to manage or maintain their relationship. I think an intermidary would be great if you could get one. That way you won't have to listen to his blameshifting BS any longer.

My kids are grown now, so there's a big difference. But, they've told me that my stbx has called them some since he's left to hang out with them, but they don't want to see him and ignore his messages. They've come to me and have told me that they don't want to socialize with someone they don't respect. They don't even know what to say to him. I've just told them to be open and honest, and maybe use a forgiving filter when they do finally talk to him.

Your son's and ex's relationship status is not yours to bear. You're doing your part, and then some. Hopefully you're already over the irrational perceptions of the ex and are sleeping soundly tonight.

Here's to a better future without the ex drama.

Thanks for the hugs, MJ.

I'm afraid that there's no end in sight for the drama. Now he's sending me threats. Here's the latest


Is this grounds for a restraining order?