Just chiming in with my $.02. Lostman, just reading through the threads one thing is perfectly clear:

NO ONE IS GIVING YOU CONTRADICTORY ADVICE.

Get that?

Multiple respondents, all telling you the same thing.

You ignore this advice at the peril of your marriage and your sanity.

Personal note: I too, did not want to hear what I was being told. Much of it went against my beliefs and values.

I was wrong. They were right.

This is a death match for your marriage against an addiction and pure evil.

Pull no punches.

Worth repeating

MB, you and M/L, as forceful and righteous as you two women are, cannot by yourselves offset the super-prissy, don't-rock-the-boat, don't-utter-harsh-truth mentality that smothers western (or at least American) society. If you can, please get busy and do it, before the next generation of males starts demanding Midol, for those "problem days"!

LM101, you may count these two posters as experts beyond question in the arena in which you're fighting.

If they have filed for divorce, then his wife needs this information in her divorce case. In many states, adultery is taken into consideration in child custody, alimony, etc. His wife needs to know he is having an adulterous affair so she can protect herself from your wife and her husband.

"Filed for divorce" = MARRIED.

Thank God I did not raise my own son like that.

These men don't seem to understand that if they allow their wives to castrate them like this, she will hate him for being a castrati.

Lostman,

We've seen your movie many times. The weepy WW calls OM in front of her BH. The BH believes her, doubts us, and thinks all is well.

Then, a few days later the BH comes back here after discovering that the affair hasn't died, contact has continued, and the BH wondering what to do.

All the while, we've been and will continue to say all the same things. EXPOSE THE AFFAIR!

That means you contact OM's wife, your WW's family, and your friends.

You do this without warning.

But, sadly, it's a lesson you'll have to learn on your own. You'll still doubt and still not listen.

But hey, we've only seen your movie a few thousand times and 99% of the time it's always the same.

Oh, and if you're relying on your WW for the truth about the OM and the state of his marriage, then you are talking to the wrong crowd on that one.

My WXW use to tell the men she met that she was separated and had filed for divorce. No one had bothered to tell me.

So believe her if you wish, but I'll bet my left arm that she's lying about his marital status or he's lying to her.

Only one way to find out, which is by talking to OM's W.

HTLD, I think I remember being in that movie. It really wasn't worth seeing.

Lostman, you've got to cover your bases here. All of what the others have said should be heeded as we all thought we would be the exception to the rule.

Darnit, NG, will you let me get crabby with you for ONE WHOLE MINUTE before you make me start laughing!?

Telling the OMs partner killed my wifes affair in two hours.

If you haven't done it, get it done.

Well i do listen to your advice. I admit that i am reluctant to go full exposure. I have some christian friends that i have been talking to. As for the other mans wife. She knows as she caught them in her house. I know what your telling me, i cant do it. What is the outcome of this? I got caught earlier getting ready to send a mass text and i was told that if i ruined all her friends that she would leave. Im still lost. I guess i will work up another text and see if i can pull the trigger. I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY FAMILY.

You got caught prepping a mass text? How did that happen?

Your list should be family, people she cares about who have an influence over her. Not friends just because you can easily text them.

What was the wifes reaction?

Its standard issue to get told its over when you expose. My wife did, and look at stretch123, he got told the same thing. Hes had a rough couple of weeks, and last night his wife is physical with him again. Go figure.

I know this is scary. But guys who stand up for their marriage and themselves have a much better shot, then those that don't.

I know this sounds nuts but it really does work....

I DONT WANT TO LOSE MY FAMILY.

LM, your "family" is OM-cancer-ridden. Yes, the excision is painful, but death is the alternative. Strap up, dude, call WW's bluff, and do what you have to do.

Seriously, do you really think WW sees this POSOM as a great prize? Do you really think POSOM sees this WW as his ideal mate? Do you think, even if they have "hooked up" for some sheet-soakng, that they have a long-term future together?

If it helps, think of exposure as a service to the woman you once loved. Hey, if she really thinks this POSOM is her ideal partner, she should be happy you're spreading news of her great joy.

I remember, after years of my wife saying how she couldn't live around her alcoholic family, and how they were a source, and the reason, now remember that, the reason, she drank, moving the whole family, back to her home state, because I couldn't keep up the pace anymore physically.

Another story Im not gonna go into, but I am disabled now, worked long and hard to provide a good life for my family, but failed to buy a castle... anyways the point...

One of her family members, accually most of them, wanted to know what her problem was, and why we had money problems. Well that is also complicated, and I take the blame for trying to be superman, and allowing reasonable rational plans, like we all must adhere to, to be twisted into unrealistic expectations.

I'm sorry, still tryin to get my hed wrapped around it..


Anyway, one of the relatives, who my wife blamed for why she drank, came to me and threatened me because she told him she was afraid of me. He told me, "If you ever raise your hand to my Sister, I will make you wish you were never born". I knew the story she was spinning for them, and I told him. "Your a good brother, don't believe everything you hear, and if I ever do raise my hand, I hope you are there for her"

He was bringing over a six-pack occasionally and was part of the culture that my wife had sworn was her problem from the start.

My point is, Waywards, Alcoholics, anybody, people who want to spin lies to defend thier addictions, can and will find others to support them, and will sell you down the river to maintain thier fantasys.

I don't know what she told him, and by that time I didn't care, because I was beaten down and had given up, and only knew the truth would come out in the end.

But that was not a marriage I worked for, and one I would not want anyone to endure either. I was just there for my children at that point, and hoping that my wife would pull her head out of her butt, again, like many times before in that viciuos cycle that we were trapped in.

Thanks for your patience. This all new to me. I was in the bedroom while she was in the shower. her reaction?
Her: what are you doing?
me: sending a text.
H: you will ruin all of my friends
m: i think this needs to be done.
H: this will solve nothing except make me hate you more
m: im not doing this to hurt you, but make you accountable
h: if you do this i will leave
m: i cannot trust you and you need people praying for you.


She still wants this guy. she has not talked to him since she told him she would not pick him up at the airport. But she admitted to me that her feelings are so strong that she has had thoughts about contacting him and potential running to him. She is atleast being honest with this part. I smashed her cell phone so i looked in her purse and there was another. big problem here. Turns out she went and bought a used one with no activation, only 911. There was nothing in it. She said she knows how it looks, but there is no way to call other than 911 and we live in the country with the kids she wanted at least emergency.

My problem here is even if she is exposes, one of her biggest obstacles with going to the other man is done. Im affraid that it could lead to that. She left for a while upset with everything. she still wants to not break up the family, but she really is longing for this other guy and not me. she said it would take some time and will try harder. sounds like bs on your end i know. i hear your advice. i am scared.

This guy is not going to make it.

There is nothing in your answer there I haven't seen or felt in my life. Hell I was you.

Expose it, get it over with. You will feel better.

She said herself she does not want to split up. Exposure will increase the pressure on her to make it work.

lostman, you are an enabler, Sir. You are throwing away your marriage just because you are so scared you don't know what you are doing. You are enabling your wife's affair at the expense of your marriage and your childrens family.

Those of us who are posting to you have saved our marriages. Your best thinking has ruined your marriage yet you are taking your own bad advice.

If you won't listen to those of us who have saved our marriages using these tactics, will you listen to Dr Harley who has saved thousands of marriages? He is a clinical psyhcologist and founder of Marriage Builders.

Also, when you exposed, you DON'T TELL your wife in advance. C'mon, lets apply a little bit of common sense here, shall we?

you very much need to read this thread: here

"It's very difficult to overcome an affair when you become an enabler. In my judgement exposure would have ended your wife's affair." Dr Bill Harley radio clip here

Alright i sent it to her family and 3 close friends. I am trusting you all cuz im not right in the head.