Elle,

Nothing says you can�t file a well check with the local cops or a missing persons report. You have no idea why he�s gone or if he�s ok. You have every right to ask for a well check to send the cops over there and check on him.

For all you know, he�s tied up on the basement by this woman and her cult of adulteress witches who use him for rituals.

I�m kidding, of course, but you do have a right to confirm his presence there, that he�s well, and then use that information if necessary to know where to have him served with legal papers filing for abandonment, child support, spousal support, etc. That�s not the same as divorce.

But something needs to shock him out of this idiocy and I think that legal papers are necessary when you have a teen son who needs to be supported. He�s giving you money out of the kindness of his own heart, but that isn�t guaranteed.

Legal documents would bind him to doing so.

How many more excuses, what ifs, I think, I hope, I don't know can you continue with not knowing.

If not for you....what about your SON. He is hurting, confused and by your silence and in-action you are not validating his pain.

What I could not do for myself I did for my 2 DDs.

Take some of that $1400 for a PI. Do you know how much a Divorce is?

elle,

Again I ask you:
What is your plan? Do you have one?

Well, I have done exposure to everyone that I know. Also did some exposure to OW family/friends but had to dig alot of Facebook to find people.

Next, will follow him with friends car to find out where he goes after work.

Also have contacted an attorney about separation so that I can receive support for my son.

Good girl! What happened when you did the exposure?

Well, seeing that I have no contact with WH or OW and they live 1.5 hours from my home (no mutual friends that I know of)I don't know what happened there.

With my own friends/family you kind of get a mixed reaction. Unfortunately some people think there are two sides to every story. Well, of course there are...marriags are 50/50. But you don't abandon your family for a woman you barely know. Others think he's the scum of the earth. But if you've read my other posts, he has basically dropped off the face of the earth and has little to no contact with family and friends.

When are you going to confront him and OW at their house?

I plan to follow him with a friend. Or else I just may take my son there this weekend...that would really embarass him.

I had a post previously that no body commented on so I will ask again. The one time I did see WH and approach him he would not even look at me and told me to leave him the hell alone and never talk to him again. I don't understand the great anger he has for me. He left me and I don't have 1/10th of the anger. He looked pathetic and miserable.

ellegirl - sounds like he's maybe going through withdrawal of some kind or the real world is intruding on whatever fantasy he has in his mind. My WW lashed out at me pretty much every evening. I'm getting used to it, but it's getting old.

ellegirl, I think this is what some people call "blameshifting." Waywards are so caught up in doing what somewhere deep inside their soul they know is wrong, that the only way they can console themselves is by making themselves believe that their betrayed spouses and anyone who has a sense of propriety and decency is evil and to be avoided.

In essence, the darkness within them is projected onto anyone and everyone who has lightness about them.

Does this make sense? I'm certainly no psychologist, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's a term for this.

In short, the darkness of evil shrivels when the lightness of good shines on it.

It just is so weird to me that prior to him leaving I thought we were getting along great. Then BAM he leaves and has all this anger. Like I said, if leaving the marriage was the right answer, why he is he so angry and looking so sad.

Mine doesn't live with me so "luckily" I don't have to face his wrath every evening.

Waywards are hostile. They have justified crossing the line into an affair by vilafying the betrayed, by devaluing them as people. (If they didn't....how could they live with themselves?)

ellegirl - we're civil to one another most of the time. We might even have dinner as a family - part of plan A for me. However, my WW's triggers are usually phone calls from her family. So, it's not necessarily a bad thing - it means that someone else is calling her out on her behavior and she has to defend it. My WW is focused on buying a house so that she can move out and it's being financed by my MIL. Isn't that nice?

I honestly don't know what's worse, living through the venum every night or her not being here. I'm about to find out - she'll be out of the house by early April. I think in my case, she needs to move out and face the real world.

I suspect he was guilty and ashamed, and redirected that to you in the form of anger. It's the only way he can live with himself and his actions.

I think this is pretty typical behavior. One thing to consider is the biological/chemical issues taking place. This site discusses the different chemicals that affect the brain and body through the different stages of "love."

I'm no scientist, but I think when the WS enters Stage One (Lust), the chemicals cause the brain to start focusing on the "new" object of affection. But in order to do so, the "old" object must be discarded or made to be secondary. The way to do this is to convince the brain that the "old" (BS) has somehow become something to be avoided -- kind of like how the body attacks infection.

However, we are more than just a batch of chemicals. We are unique in the grand scheme of things. In nature, there are no rewards and punishments, there are only consequences. Man is the only creature to have a conscious and a sense of right and wrong. This is why we need to have boundaries and a moral compass. Otherwise, we succumb to the baser instincts of the lower animals. And become wayward.

I doubt you will find a story on this board (or elsewhere) that does not have examples of how the wayward spouse "became someone different" and how they became "angry, sick and unrecognizable" even by long-time friends.

That's it Elle, don't back down now.

Also, trying to figure out WHY a wayward does or says something is CRAZY-MAKING. Even they don't know why.

Keep us updated on what you are doing and let us know when we can help.

I am happy to see you have got a plan together. When do you plan to follow him?

I am going to ask you to revisit the suggestion given to you earlier to call the police department and ask for a wellness check. I would also ask them to ask your H for a contact # and explain that he has abandoned a wife and son at home that needs to have a way to contact him in case of emergency.

I think this will shock the heck out of your H...and he needs to be shocked.

If he gives them the phone number, I would give the number to any and all of his family/friends who support you and ask them to put pressure on him to end his affair. (this is a BIG part of exposure!! knowing that everyone knows and that they disapprove!)

If he refuses to give the police a contact number, I would show up at his doorstep with your son and I would ask any of your friends or family members to come and support you. I really think one of the above is necessary to complete your exposure.

Just my 2cents.

Well, he does text my son so I do have that contact number. He won't answer the phone though if my son calls.