Hi friends...just checking in. Been busy keeping my WH busy with fun family stuff, hopefully he is too tired to check in with OW. One can only hope I do realize that it is likely to develop into a physical affair (although my husband really would be the last person I would expect to do that...reading MB site I know better now!) Fortunately I exposed early...and full force...and there hasn't been an opportunity. He has gone out for beers with mutual male friends, so I suppose he had a quick chance there but r Being self-employed has its advantages, I can monitor closely...Except for stupid phone

So I plan on setting up a phone session with the Harley...pricey but if I get a clear plan that would be great. In your opinion, is this too early for phone coaching? I am bummed he is not in our bed, but we have both retreated to the spare room after fights etc so I can't attach too much significance. Basically my WH says that he needs to see me change...my actions, not my words. I have been dishonest (my EA) sneaky, LB by being critical, not meeting needs for admiration. (kinda hard to do with him still possibly in an EA!) I say possibly because I cannot find any evidence and he may want me to think it continues to punish me for my EA and mad about exposure. Doesn't want me to win so soon after dropping the bomb. Thoughts?

Just got ahold of WH phone. Nothing...damn. Prob. deleted it all. I did block her # and delete contact info. He will have to dig to get #... he will be pissed...what do I say to that.

"I wanted to help you minimize the temptation. I know it can be hard."

He hasn't agreed to NC tho...he will accuse me of being sneaky etc. I need a line that will not lb but also let him know it is for us

People in affairs have an annoying habit of twisting reality. You are not being sneaky. You are doing whatever it takes to end the A so you two have a fighting chance.

When I found out about my FWW's A, I told her I know about it and I won't allow it to continue. I told her, " If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be putting forth the effort to save our M. I'm doing this because I CARE."

Hi there...checking in. Super bummed..found WS sent an email to ow...it was a joke. He texted it too a bunch of people too, but I wasn't included. I told him it made me sad and of course he said it wasn't a big deal. My question of the night...what if am willing and able to do a longer plan a? It has been really go

Whoops..sorry. meant to say...plan A has been good for us. Lots of talks, I have written letters that he has responded well to. We have been good teammates with kids, not much affection between us but I am trying. He has gotten to see a better side of me, probably my individual counseling and prayer has taught me more patience and kindness than I thought I could ever have. He wants a less critical, less judgmental, more honest, more meaningful and deeper me...which I think plan a is helping with. I used to fly off the handle regularly...not anymore. I think also my recent EA has given me more understanding and I am still coping with guilt so I really think a longer plan A in our case would be beneficial. So far...all evidence points to EA... the full exposure may have helped prevent it from going farther. So if anyone can help me...I just feel in a good place with Plan A. I am working on me...lots of friends, sports, housec ean and nice meals when he gets home, staying busy with kids stuff, and being an ear for my husband when he will have me. It had felt like a happy home, minus the sex I am the more male personality anyway, he is sensitive. So maybe a long plan a will help??? I do plan on calling Harley for coaching session, just rereading HNHN first cause I was waaay too emotional the first time around. Thanks for any an all advice...appreciate it!

That phrase should read...it feels like a happy home, minus the sex. Sorry...dang phone and yes it sucks not having him in our bed, but my EA really was awful...he is by no means over it.

New development...he is staying elsewhere...says with dad or sister but ow most likely. He says my agressive tactics r not ok. Aka the exposure and installing spy ap on his phone. He says sharing details with friends is destructive. Also he feels I am spying on him when he was in spare room. I would see him texting when I walked by. He is very sensitive and this has driven him away. Looks like he has made contact with attorney. Now what.

Are you convinced yet that this is more than an EA?

Did you put a GPS on his vehicle?
Which brand?

I feel that I have followed the carrot and stick to the letter....but that is the problem. He feels I was too aggressive and that I have lost all his respect by spying and digging. I don't think I need a gps...I know exactly where he is going. found out he is communicating with an attorney. Best keylogger? Definately more than EA...u are absolutely right.

Sorry, RRGA. The realization it really was a PA is tough to take.

Your H is speaking normal fogbabble. Of course he's angry, and of course he says he's "lost his respect for you." He is projecting and avoiding. HE is the one who doesn't deserve respect, while you are fighting for your marriage. His reaction to exposure is the same as just about every wayward's on this board. He is angry you blew up his A, and blew up his little fantasy world. But you did the right thing.

I'll let others more experienced in snooping speak to your choice of GPS/Keylogger.

Hang in there.

Hi all...just a quick question and update. Still in plan a...2 months in..I can do it for awhile I'm sure. Why? I guess I am a less sensitive type of woman...probably because I just came off my own EA in January so I get that he needs time. We are doing tons of family things, some days it feels normal. He sleeps at his dads house a couple blocks away, but comes home to get kids to school and stays till bedtime, also the kids take turns with him there on most nights. I amazon friendly, upbeat as possible and home life is pretty good. The kids and I all go to counseling weekly. Noooow, my question is, the heat from exposure has waned. I believe he is still in touch with OW, do I stay cheerful. Or if I know they had contact do I confront or even acknowledge? I don't want to withdraw love units. I feel that their relationship will fizzle out, everytime I apply pressure, like monitoring phone, he freaks out. I know he is not stupid and I feel he is close to coming thru the fog. Should I Let nature take its course, Plan A nicely. Or pressure?

Apparently WH in NC however, I am last to know because he didn't believe in exposure, thought that he could stop privately. Basically didn't want to admit exposure works. He is very hurt, my EA, withdrawal from his affair, our underlying issues, etc etc. Still not ready to work on our marriage because he doesnt trust me. Says I ruined lives because of exposure. Please, how do i respond to that? We live in a smaller town, everyone knows of his affair, (EA, possible pa but if so very short-lived, maybe a ons if anything) they are both humiliated? He is very sensitive and the exposure needs a great defense in my case. What do I say to justify? Not that it worked, which it did, but why I did it.

You just keep saying to your husband that you love him and you did what you had to do to save your marriage, Exposure makes the affair public and not secret anymore.........that is a good thing, it's hard to continue when everyone knows what you are doing to your family............the affair couple should be accountable.....
But I must tell you if your husband is still in contact with the OW the emotional attachment remains and you cannot work on recovering your marriage........
If he still is in contact and it sounds like it otherwise he would be transparent with his whereabouts and communication devices.......
I would go into Plan B, give him a letter saying until contact stops you can't see him anymore, let him feel what his decisions are doing to your marriage.....
Don't see him, don't talk to him until contact stops........
If you let him have both of you, he will never come back to the marriage.
Think about it.........this is called cake eating.........

Thanks so much Jessi, that will be my mantra. "I love you and I did what I had to do to save our marriage." As far as I can tell, there is NC. The strange part about our situation is that I had a very serious EA from Sept. '10 to January 2011. I stopped when he said he needed a break from "us". He had repeatedly aked me to stop the contact/Facebook with the OM, but like an idiot I ignored him.

At that point, he had been in a friendship that developed into an EA for approx. 3 weeks with my good friend. He was asking her for advice, he didn't know what to do with me...I was hell bent on pursuing aka "sexting" this OM. Anyway, she used my inattention to swoop in. Nice huh? She is def. not a catch, he knows that. Thus the NC, etc. However, he did not want to admit to me that exposure works, so he made me believe the "affair" was continuing so I could feel what he has felt for months.

He is so furious about the exposure because he felt he could stop at any time, it would fizzle out, I just embarrassed everyone etc. Anyway, I do feel a longer Plan A is necessary, we ae making progress and he started counseling on his own, took that initiative. Our underlying issues are not meeting EN's (duh) and plan A has allowed me to work on this and we are progressing. If his affair came out of nowhere, I would Plan B. However, my EA was a HUGE part of this. Does this make sense? I just need some good, sweet quotes to justify exposure He thinks it was so hurtful and unnecessary....lol. I can't wait to get started on an MB plan, someday He is just not ready, my EA was too awful...

Ughhh, WH wants an apartment. More one on one time with kids. Nice. Now what?