Hi again,
Your husband is mad about exposure and that is a good thing, if you look up affair fog babble on this site you will see your husband is doing and saying a lot that everyone else does when they are emotionally attached to someone else...
The first thing that must happen is absolutely NO CONTACT between them and then the withdrawal from the affair person can happen, if he sees her at all they will stay connected and you two won't have a chance to rebuild your marriage, if he refuses and since you already exposed, PLan A him for a time and then when you can't do that anymore you go into Plan B .......once he doesn't have you meeting him needs anymore it may wake him up to what his life will really be like..............
Be loving but firm.........if he moves out to an apartment this might be where Plan B will start. make your boundaries firm........don't be a door mat.....

Thank u Jessi! And plan A still possible if he gets an apartment? I would like to give it a looong shot since we also are recovering from my EA.

Yes it is possible to still Plan A him when you two have contact, you should decide how long you can do this, pick a date and if he is still not interested in fixing the marriage then you have to go into Plan B and see if that will shake him up, there are some people on here that have successfully Plan Aed from afar......maybe some of the vets who remember can link you to their threads....
You always have to make sure though that your husband knows that you will only commit to the marriage if the other woman is gone and out of his life for good....
good luck

Hi all, Got some good advice from Dr. Harley on the radio show today! I am staying in Plan A through August. WH still most likely in love with OW, even though contact may have stopped. It will pass. One question I forgot to ask is what the hell do I say to OW. With soccer and baseball in full swing I have seen her on several occasions. I need something to say, it is inevitable that we will be face to face soon. BTW, she is a bar-fly hag lol.

You should NOT see her at all. Seeing her only keeps you triggered.

Rain, it is real important that you separate your lives so that you and your H never see the OW again. I understand that you are in Plan A, but that does not mean that you ever see or interact with the OW. Your lives have to be completely separate in order to ever recover anyway. For example, if your H ever ends his affair, Dr Harley would tell you to even move to another state, if need be, so he will never see her again. The OW should be completely removed from your lives forever.

I heard that!! I have to agree with Dr. Harley, they are still in contact. That's why he's guarding that cell phone. Sorry

You guys are right. He still has the fantasy that they will be together. Our plan has been to move, we have a business opportunity out of state but it is on hold since he will not work on marriage. I can't avoid her now because of sports, I refuse to miss the children's games and seeing her is not painful, I pity her (and him too for that matter) The best part is everyone knows she is the OW. I have a ton of support, she must be very embarrased to walk around our town. So ignoring her is best? (until we move if WH comes back...)

I don't understand why you wouldn't take your kids out of any sport where she will be? That is not appropriate for your kids to be around her. Your kids should not be exposed to her either. Extraordinary precautions should be taken to avoid her at all costs. I don't agree that ignoring her is best because that misses the point. Avoiding her is best.

What will you do when you go to Plan B in 2 months? What will you do if your marriage reconciles? I can think of no circumstance where it would ever be appropriate to see her at all. None.

I doubt she feels embarrassed at all. She is still seeing your H and is very likely not embarrassed at all.

I don't think its fair for the kids to suffer because their father is behaving badly. They love soccer, baseball and softball. Without that routine we would go mad, practices & games are keeping busy and sane. So to clarify they are not on the same teams, I see her from a distance and its a huge outdoor complex. At some point we will pro probably cross paths.

It's not fair for your kids to be dragged into their father's affair like that and be exposed to the OW. Its not fair that their father is having an affair, but this is not about "fair" but about the realities of life. That is not good for any of you. Pretending like their life is normal when its not, is not healthy for them in the least. And it gives them the impression that you don't care very much about their father's affair. If you think you will cross paths, I would take extraordinary steps to avoid that.

You need to start taking steps to separate your lives completely. There is no sport that is worth continued contact with an OW.

Let me put this another way. Your children's lives have been irretrievably affected by their fathers affair. That is just a simple fact of life. Not facing that truth leaves your marriage and your children vulnerable to the enemy of their family. The OW is the enemy of their family and staying in touch with her in any way, shape or form will always endanger their family in some way.

Going about like the affair is nothing leaves them vulnerable to the OW and gives them the impression that adultery is nothing. It also makes it easier for your H to imagine he can make the transistion from you to the OW.

You are teaching the kids by your example that being around the OW is not anything to be avoided. How confusing that must be for your kids.

I don't think its fair for the kids to suffer because their father is behaving badly. They love soccer, baseball and softball. Without that routine we would go mad, practices & games are keeping busy and sane. So to clarify they are not on the same teams, I see her from a distance and its a huge outdoor complex. At some point we will pro probably cross paths.

Move! Then they can have their sports and you can have your space. Its a win win

You are absolutely right Mel. I will see what I can do....sooo frustratng. I can look at schedule online and see where/when playing. I liked the challenge of seeing her though! The kids do know she is not a friend to our family and hurt us. I will remind them. What are the most appropriate words for a 7 and 11 year old?

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

You liked the challenge of seeing her?

What does that even mean?

Ok...to clarify...I got so much support after exposure, friends, community etc. Everyone knows she is the OW. I can hold my head high, I did the right thing. It sucks to be her, because everyone knows she is not to be trusted. That is why I am confident when I see her, she looks scared and hopefully feels the shame of all those eyes watching.

She may be nervous around you, but she doesn't give a crap about what anyone else says because she is likely still seeing your husband.

Is he still wanting his own apartment? If he did that, I'd go to Plan B immediately.

Oh, and I'd definitely confront OW in front of everyone at that game. Tell her (loudly) that you know she slept with your husband and she needs to stay the h away from you, your husband, and your children or there is going to be hell to pay. Then turn around and walk away.

Take charge of this. There's a difference between avoiding LB behavior and being a doormat. Just my two-cents.

So got a var....will find out soon enough if there is contact.