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Ok, so I haven't updated this lately. Partly because not much has changed, and it would just be venting. As the end of this will be...
So, update wise, STB[W]XW is still really only interested in having fun, partying, and spending her money on useless stuff. It seems as though the POSOM she was with, "broke her heart" and she also says she "might have deserved it". Laughable. It is twisted humor at this point. What did you expect? A man that is willing to engage in an affair with you, probably doesn't respect you like you think. You'd notice this if you could respect yourself enough...
The one thing I did like about this happening, is that she realized that she had pretty much neglected her son for 2 weeks, and started spending time with him. Guilt spending occurred as well, but that will work itself out eventually when she gets tired of hearing "What did you bring me?" every time she walks in the door. Which has been happening.
She still doesn't know I can see her FB since it's pretty much public, and it is starting to give results. She has posted quite a few things like how she has gotten a tattoo (more on this later), and is still planning her trip to Germany in April. There were also some nice pictures of her going to dinner with DS last night (just the two of them) and she's drinking wine. Didn't get ahold of the lawyer today to see if there is anything I should act on; I would love to place a call to family services, but I don't want to show my hand if it isn't going to pay off. And I don't really want to open that door, if I don't have to. I'm not even real sure how I feel about my line of thinking on that. But yes, I am concerned about DS' safety if this is going to become a regular occurrence.
Now, on to the tattoo. She doesn't know that I know. A few moments ago, after I picked up DS from school and as I entered the room they were in, I hear DS say "You have a secret for me? What is it?". STBXW tries to play it down. A few moments later (I was baiting), I was reentering another room and heard the same thing. This REALLY p!sses me off. Honestly. You going to start engaging in secrets with our child? Way to put him in one of the most awkward positions he could be in. Especially when he still hasn't been told what's going on, and we are all still in the same house. Then a little later, DS is showing off a tooth puppet they made in school today. STBXW asks DS "you know why my teeth are so white?"..."because I don't drink coffee and I don't smoke". Yes, I do both; and I know that they are unhealthy and I've always relayed to DS that it is HIS decision when he is OLD ENOUGH. I said to her "Really? Is that necessary?", to which she replied "It's true. I'll say what.." blah blah blah. I walked out of the room at that moment.
This is starting to progress down the road of a conflict divorce, and I don't like that. And, I'm really hoping that I'm not feeding it.
vent session over.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Take 'er easy Itsa... (I know - easier said than done). Your son knows what's more important: black teeth or a black conscience. It will all become clear to him in time. ...And quit smoking. Opt --you can lead a horse to water, but we all know what a wet horse smells like... (heard that on the radio yesterday)
Last edited by optimism; 02/25/11 04:44 PM.
Me: 43 y.o. BFWH, D-day 11/11/09 (NC since 9/01) Divorce from WW final 9/16/10. Current Status: MB-based Marriage to Nature Girl 12/8/12 (first date on 12/11/10) Mine: S(16), D(11) NatureGirls: S(23), D(21) Another EA Story
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TJ/
Hey Opt, did you see the post on the photo thread where Justuss asked you to email her?
/JT
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I'd keep my eye on the drinking and driving if she's going to be driving your son around. All waywards keep secrets. No surprise there. A suggestion from me is to just set a good example yourself, and explain to your son about integrity. I think the old saying of "A man is only as good as his word" has a lot TRUTH to it. And if it's any consolation, my stbxh talks down about me as well, to me, so I can't imagine what he tells everyone else. I'm sure he has to villianize me to the nth degree to justify what he's doing. You know what they say about casting the first stone......... Lastly, this quote has absolutely nothing to do with what you just posted. I just like it. "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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TJ/
Hey Opt, did you see the post on the photo thread where Justuss asked you to email her?
/JT Uh, no, but thanks for bringing it to my attention PM....I think; is it like I'm going to the principal's office? opt
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Uh, no, but thanks for bringing it to my attention PM....I think; is it like I'm going to the principal's office? Uh-oh. Opt's gonna get it!
D-Day 2-10-2009 Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever! Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Uh, no, but thanks for bringing it to my attention PM....I think; is it like I'm going to the principal's office? Uh-oh. Opt's gonna get it! Maybe in addition to dancing shoes, opt's going to need tap dancing shoes!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words. St. Francis of Assissi
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Itsa..... Get out of bed and tell me what's been going on. Are you two back in your corners yet? Yeeeaaaahhhh.....I had two glasses of wine, and my RL friends have departed for the evening . Now, I'm talking to a screen with squiggly lines on it! I'm gonna go see if anybody's up on the divorced forum. Surely they are having more fun right now....
Last edited by MyJourney; 02/26/11 10:15 PM.
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Yay! MJ was having fun!! Glad to see it MJ.
And I'm not sure STBXW even knows where her corner is..
Last edited by itsaname; 02/28/11 08:12 PM. Reason: correct grammar. i must have it.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Well, STBXW got served tonight. The clock starts ticking...
"Celebrating" with a nice cold Shiner Bock. Cheers!
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Well, STBXW got served tonight. The clock starts ticking... Wow. Are you doing ok? I'll be in the same boat soon, but I don't live with my stbx either. Yay! MJ was having fun!! Glad to see it MJ. Thanks! I was having fun. I did a shout out for you but you were not around apparently. "Celebrating" with a nice cold Shiner Bock. Cheers! If that's sarcasm, I get it. I'm sorry.
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Wow. Are you doing ok? I'll be in the same boat soon, but I don't live with my stbx either. I'm doing fine. I'm in that "I just want it done with" phase right now. The emotional gambit is running it's course... Thanks! I was having fun. I did a shout out for you but you were not around apparently. Yeah. I was catching my beauty sleep on the couch. DS and I were running around all day, and it wiped both of us out. If that's sarcasm, I get it. I'm sorry. Not really sarcasm. Just wasn't sure if it should be unquoted celebrating.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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I'm doing fine. I'm in that "I just want it done with" phase right now. The emotional gambit is running it's course... Yeah, I know that phase. Been there a few times during the gambit. I just wished that I could pick a side. Hang in there Bro. Glad you're doing "ok". How's the stbx?
Last edited by MyJourney; 02/28/11 11:32 PM.
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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I have no idea. Hell, I don't even have to force myself to not look at her anymore. Muscle memory is awesome! She of course hasn't said anything to me. Though, I'm sure she'll ask me a question about what she needs to do in a few days. Sorry, I got zero answers for ya... Cake-eating time is over.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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She of course hasn't said anything to me. Though, I'm sure she'll ask me a question about what she needs to do in a few days. Sorry, I got zero answers for ya... Cake-eating time is over. I don't know why I even asked that. Just curious I guess to see if waywards feel anything at all, even when they get the papers. I guess if they think the grass is greener, they'd be happy. My husband seems to give the world the impression that he's happy, but he's the most miserable person that I have contact with. Go figure. Here's to happier times with someone who values integrity.
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Amen. To all of it.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Likemindedness. I hope I find someone who has the same values as we do, and doesn't wussy out when their wussy hurts!
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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doesn't wussy out when their wussy hurts! LOL. I'm loving this! She apparently finished reading The Notebook, and watched the movie last night. So, she's all...whatever you want to call it. Depressed? Sparks is a great author. But, I guarantee even he doesn't have a relationship that requires no work and just exists the way he writes them. Meh.
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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Hehehe....I heard that from a sailor who was complaining about people not wanting to race in a regatta because it was too windy. She watched the Notebook. That's interesting. My stbx likes that movie. Do you think it's a "starcrossed lovers fantasy thing"?Waywards live in a fantasy world. I'll take reality, thank you very much. (Except when I play WoW)
D-yr fall 06-fall 07 Separated 10/2010 Him-several affairs, last one 3/2011 Divorced filed 3/2011, final 3/2012 Formerly "Mopey". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2013149&page=1After a 4 yr FR, it became CLEAR to me of what you can look for in a FR. And that is the absence of POJA, and/or if your spouse tramples on your boundaries. If someone is not willing to do POJA with you, and they don't respect your boundaries, imo, the relationship is doomed.
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Yeah. I would venture to say that it's a common thread among waytards. Her other favorite romance movies: Romeo & Juliet, Message In A Bottle, Nights In Rodanthe, Twilight Saga (yes, I consider them romance...it's all about the love triangle), etc. I like the real world too. Because that is what DS will grow up in, and have to deal with when he's my age and has a family to feed. I'm no fun at all, eh?
BH (me): 31 WXW: 31 (Still in the house!) Married: Jan 2005 DS: 6 years old DDay #1: 12 Mar 2008 Failed Recovery #1: Jun 2008 - Jun 2010 DDay #2: 28 Jun 2010 Failed Recovery #2: Aug 2010 - Sep 2010 Plan A/Limbo: Sep 2010 - 24 Jan 2011 DDay #3: 29 Jan 2011 On OM#4, that I know of... D Filed: 11 Feb 2011 D Final: 10 Jun 2011 (still waiting on prop division & custody)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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