When was your last contact with OM? (this includes looking at his FB page, or looking at any pictures, texts, emails, letters ANYTHING from OM or the A)

Your level of infatuation tells me that it was very recent.

Uhm, you came here. If you truly want help, TAKE THE ADVICE. Don't get defensive. It doesn't help you.

PB - I think you're being baited. This lady is a drama-miner.

Actually, I think she is still taking hits off the crackpipe. She never answered the Q about NC even though it was the 2nd post to her.

Notable post.

It does sound like contact is still going on....contact MUST stop. there is no way to get OM out of your head if you just keep putting him back in there. And yes, thoughts of him will pop up right now....what you DO with those thoughts is up to you.

But I think this is secondary. The sense I get from you is that you don't really have any remorse over what you have done, see it as serious or a big deal, or have any real concept of your husband's pain. It seems to still be all about you....and as long as YOU are all you are thinking about, there will be no recovery.

Sounds like you're describing my WW.

what gets them to change this line of thinking and 'wake up'?

Did you tell your husband about the plan?

Because if not, then you definitely didn't follow it.

Trying to follow "a plan" when you still have contact with OM is like taking aspirin for a headache while hitting yourself on the head with a hammer. NC is essential.

The reason you cannot imagine loving your BH is because you are still entangled with the OM and this LIE that he is your "soul mate." I know because I was a WW....I remember that lie. And trust me, it is a lie.

Right is right whether you feel like it or not. It is time to do what is right and consciously turn from the stinking thinking.

Read this as though you did not write this yourself. What do you see in this post? I will tell you quite honestly what I see...a whiny, immature, spoiled little girl who wants to run away from the commitment for some Romanance Novel notion of what love is.

Let me tell you what love is:

Love is holding your child's hair while she pukes in the toilet in the middle of the night.
Love is meeting your husbands emotional needs because you promised in front of God and family to honor and cherish him.
Love is what you DO not what flutter of butterflies in your stomach
Love is messy, at times hard work and REWARDING
Love is sitting in the pew with your H while you together watch your child walk down the aisle to their future spouse and smile at each other knowing you did this together
Love is laughter and tears, happy and sad, joyful and angry
LOVE IS A COMMITMENT

STruggling: Your feelings for the OM and the subsequent conditions of desire, depression, anger, etc is called withdrawal. The same psychological response to eliminating drugs. You are not who you used to be.

Openness and honesty is very important. How can you love your husband if you arent giving him the right tools to fix the situation. Your kids depend on you two to be in love with each other for their future marital success. I know you dont love your husband right now but would you be opposed to letting him meet your emotional needs?

If he does a stellar job you will be in love with him. There are many former cheaters here that are now hopelessy, passionately in love with their spouses.

Please spend time with him alone to share your unhappiness with him so you can start to restore your marriage.

You really dont have any other happy alternatives here. Either fall in love or get divorced with shame, anger, bitterness, and zero respect from your kids.

Tried for what, half a day? It's hard when it's not all about you, you,you!

How will you get past it? Quit comparing your husband to this false Disney Princess picture you have for the s#!+bird that is robbing the fruit of your husband's labor.

Let's be honest; this OM could not have been this little fantasy were it not for the fact that your BH is doing all the work and taking all the blame, while this freeloading dirtbag gets to be "Price Charming."

So tell us about the affair.

How did you meet him?

A timeline?

Is there NC?

**Crickets**

strugglingaz,

You're going to get a lot of 2x4s. You aren't going to find much sympathy here if you're looking to justify your affair.

HOWEVER,

What we very much do wish is to help you rebuild your marriage with your H. Especially for the sake of your children.

But that's going to take some soul searching on your part and you're going to have to answer some tough questions.

Affairs are horribly selfish things. They are painful beyond what you can imagine to the person who has been betrayed. Most of us on this forum were betrayed, but there is a fair share of people who have strayed and then rebuilt their marriage.

I suspect you may not be coming back, but if you do, do so with the understanding that there are no easy answers and we're not going to sugar coat anything about what you've done. You've inflicted pain and trauma on your H that is the equivalent of rape. That's not me saying that. That's the opinion of the psychologist who runs this site. The trauma of infidelity is as bad as rape.

I can imagine and understand since I've never felt pain and betrayal like that that even comes close to comparing.

So understand that we may be harsh, but we do wish to help if you're willing to recognize that what you've done is horrible.

Otherwise, there's other places you can go to talk to people who enjoy affairs and justify them.

If you believe in God at all, then you must understand that you're committing a grave sin and breaking one of the big 10.

That alone should motivate you to make things right.

So come back and share and we can help.

Here's the deal, struggling; no less than 5 of the people who have posted have stood directly in your shoes. They were the ones who cheated, and they talked directly out of their anal sphincters for a time, just like you are now.

You know the thing about talking out of your backside? It always stinks.

I'm sure you think you are "just being honest," but you aren't.

You know you have done something disgusting and horrible, and you don't think you are a disgusting and horrible person, so your mind is grasping at straws for a reason.

If you want the simplest, dryest, most compassionate explanation possible it is this; YOU allowed someone other than your husband to meet your emotional needs.

The operative above all is that you allowed it. 'Nuff said.