If we approach this from his faith our faith, then the separatin is forever as it is stated.

I am on my way home now. I will check back when I get in and before I begin to talk with him. I have a few hours before comes home...

It seems to me that his faith (Christianity?) most likely mandates that he provide enough care for his wife.

Once you tell your BH, then offer to answer any questions he may have about the affair.

Trickle truthing the BH will stall recovery.

Also it's best to let the BH control the level of knowledge about the affair that he wants to know. Meaning best to answer the questions he asks.

Example if BH asks did you have SF with the OM, answer yes, do not tell it was 29 times.

If BH asks how many times then answer 29 times.

Markos, they're Muslim. Her original post was on total disbelief's thread.

Thank you, I didn't see that.

There are a lot of people in different faiths who appear to love their faith so much they would never have an affair ... and then do anyway. It is a problem that crosses religious boundaries.

Yes it does. As in Christianity, Islam says the same that both partners have rights over the other and duties to one another. I just want to give him the right to deicide, the right to choose. We cannot make this dicision to stay together if he is not considered. My strugle has been to tell him or not. And as Melody said above he needs to know. Another post said many husbands may know but choose not to say because it is painful and that may be true too. So my burden is to decide what is best - to say or not to say. this is where the situation is.

Can you tell me what BH and SF mean? I figured out what OM means.

Yes it crosses a lot of boundaries. Im no fool. We had a service this friday and how ironic this was exactly the topic, adultry and fornication. So if it were not an issue it certainly would not have been a focus. My husband came home from work that day and talked about how great the service was that Friday. I could only agree that it is a problem in the community.

NoComfort, you do your BH (betrayed husband) no favors by keeping this part of his marital reality from him. It is a selfish act on your part. I know you may justify keeping the secret because you 'don't want to hurt him' or something like that, but what you are doing is leaving him wide open to be blindsided by this from someone else. You may think you and OM are the only ones who know. You may think your secret is safe. And you would be wrong. All you have done is given control of this secret to someone else.

OM may 'get religion' some day and decide to confess to all the people he has wronged. Your BH will be on that list. Or he may, in a desire to get it off his chest, confess it to someone else who may feel that they need to share it with your H. You do not have custody of this 'secret'- you're just one of the keepers of the secret. It will hang over your husband's head like an invisible ax, following him all his days. Is that what you want? Do you want to come home one day and find him sitting on the couch, staring in shock at you because of the phone call he just got? Do YOU want an ax like that over YOUR head?

THank you so much for this information. I agree that I am not doing him any favor by keeping him safe, it will only blindside him later and after all this damage the last thing I need to do is to is to be selfish. No this is not what I want.

I need to say so he can decide what 'he' wants to do with 'his' life. I cannot do that for him, or keep secrets. none of this works. He needs to decide which way he wants this to go and either way that is the decision I will respect.

Smart girl. When do you plan to tell him? Have you given thought to how you will do this?

Tonight. And I am giving it thought now, so any suggestions that anyone has I am listening. My daughter is gone to band practice until 9pm. I am just waiting for him to come home to begin.

He is home now... so may God guide my steps.

I'm thinking good thoughts for you, NoComfort.

So now it is done. With each moment and each day I will heal and I pray so will he. We will be filing for divorce.

Your BH's feelings on that may change within a few days, when the shock wears off.

Hang on, NoComfort. That may not be the case at all. What was your BH's reaction? Did he leave? Is he there now?