|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
He had an "ephipany" in Nov, 09 after I met with OW.
When he denied it originally, I exposed it everywhere. I did not have the benefit of MB at the time, but I instinctively knew that's what needed to happen. Their cover was blown shortly after it started. Now, most people at his work, my family, his family, her family, our friends etc... all know.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591 |
BT,
I understand about the fear. It was not until I quelled my fears (never did lose them entirely), that I was able to "set the bar" high enough. A good book to read is Dr. Dobson's "Love Has to be Tough". Gather your courage to address these problems in the best possible way.
AM
BW - 73
WH - 68
M - 43 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
Okay, that is s distinction I can make. I will work on Plan A for now, because if I execute Plan B, he will be out the door so fast with no hope of return. There isn't much in either of our LB's at the moment.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
What intel have you gathered in the past 6 months?
I may have missed it, but have you been snooping on his cell phone, computer, vehicle (GPS)?
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
Not much recently, he knows I check his phone, he knows I check the computer,so all is clean.
I have been operating lately on the advice of our counselor which is: Put your faith in God's work and allow the present to play out and show what the truth is.
You see, my H claims he loves me dearly, wants to do anything he CAN, and does not look at changing jobs as an option.
In light of how to look at this from a MB standpoint, I realize I need to continue investigating.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
He knows I check his phone records, so that is clean. I have webwatcher on computer (he must know) this has been clean also. I am planning to implement some device either in car or on jacket to record conversations. He works in a secure area and also drives a truck, so it would be hard to put something in his work vehicle. Nevermind. I see this now. Obviously they're still in contact because of work, but when is the last time you found evidence of them meeting/talking outside of work? Some betrayed spouses have found: - Secret cell phones used only to carry on affair - Secret email accounts - Affairs that have continued only at the workplace (sex in closets/bathrooms)
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
Sometimes the things MB posters say may come across as paranoia. But the reason we say them is because we have learned the hard way that cheaters lie, lie, lie. It's what they do. They can't be trusted.
We want to let you know other people's stories so you can investigate more vigilantly.
We don't want you to be played like a fool ... like we were.
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
D,
2 . 5 years ago.
But caught him lying to me about info he had about her. june 10
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
That is exactly why I am here. Thank you!
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
I have been operating lately on the advice of our counselor which is: Put your faith in God's work and allow the present to play out and show what the truth is. Not a smart approach when he failed the poly. Her advice should be: full honesty and transparency are required. Until then, you cannot recover.
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
And until he has no contact with her, you cannot recover.
Period.
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591 |
BT,
If you decide you must do a better plan A before plan B, keep it very short - no longer than a couple of weeks. The mental health ramifications of a BW's long plan A are terrible and long-lasting.
Overcome your fear.
BTW, your counselor is enabling your H's affair at work to continue. As is often said on this forum, "Hope is not a plan."
AM
BW - 73
WH - 68
M - 43 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
Are you going to begin making arrangements to go to Plan B?
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591 |
Delta,
She said she was afraid to go plan B - was concerned that all the recent LBs would cause him to bolt for good.
AM
BW - 73
WH - 68
M - 43 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
That is definetly her advice. But it is only advice, not something she or I can control.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591 |
BT,
There is NOTHING to admire on Lostdad's thread. He has been run over by his WW over and over and continues to LET her. That thread is one of the saddest ones on here - because the dad does not STAND UP for HIMSELF and his family.
AM
Last edited by armymama; 03/11/11 07:56 AM.
BW - 73
WH - 68
M - 43 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
I see him trying to do the right thing.
However,you are right. I have not read thru his posts.
Last edited by beingtransformed; 03/11/11 08:00 AM.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 656 |
Delta,
She said she was afraid to go plan B - was concerned that all the recent LBs would cause him to bolt for good.
AM Right, but it will take some time to prepare the logistics of Plan B. Weeks even. Since you and WH are at an impasse about NC, you should begin preparing now for Plan B while you MAYBE do 2-3 weeks of Plan A.
FBW in recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,591 |
WHAT????? Please be specific about the right things he has done.
BW - 73
WH - 68
M - 43 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 38 |
I should just stay out of it as I really don't know the whole story,.Geesh you guys are intense! But I know why and I appreciate it and it is refreshing. Just not something I am use to.
Solution seems impossible, but refusing to give-up.
BW 49
DH 51
DS 16
DSD 's 27,28
Gkids 6
Married 10 years
DDate 06/26/2008
EA 2007-?
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
273
guests, and
28
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
