Hey LRB,

I think a part of the agitation can be attributed to a recent thread where the word 'bitter' was in the very heart of the heated discussion... so it just hit a tender nerve at a bad time.

So the last Dday and decision to recover your marriage was 1.5 yrs ago?

What are you doing to recover & rebuild? Are you following Dr Harleys plan for recovery?

What about your anger, pain & questions? Are you dealing with them with your W? What about hers?

coming to exposure is a process for a lot of people, it was for me. It is counter-intuitive, what we have learned about relationships suggest its a bad idea. Almost everyone unfamiliar with MB concepts will tell you to think carefully before such a "radical" step is taken.

I also would agree that often it seems like less effort is spent helping a freshly betrayed spouse understand the concept and more on challenging their courage. I understand not wanting to waste precious time on someone who is just going to spin his wheels but I think a lot of people (uh, men that is) need to wrap their minds around it first. We are not necessarily acting wimpy, at least not entirely. It takes a leap of faith to trust a stranger beyond one's own judgment.

It also takes a change of thinking to regard your WS in the terms often expressed here. For me, I just couldn't think of my WW as being THAT selfish and destructive. In fact, it still doesn't sound like her to me.

I am inclined (now, at least) to just do what a vet tells me. But I also totally get why some get put off and unfortunately disappear.