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I wasn't out to get revenge on them. He was truly remorseful and on bended knees praying. I peaked in on him so I knew it just wasn't a show for me. He has been completely changed for almost 2 years. I now feel like I should have said something to someone at his work. God worked so fast in all of this that i just didn't see the need. My husband wasn't supposed to go to school until the following year and all of a sudden he got called in to start because a co-worker dropped out. Do i need to say something or is it way too late? she may leave if its being talked about. How would I do it without anyone knowing I did it? Do you believe all that your spouse said?
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Joined: Oct 2009
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How would I do it without anyone knowing I did it? You don't do it anonymously. You sign your name, loud and proud. And give them a number where you can be reached in case they have any questions. Do you believe all that your spouse said? Yes. I've gotten it all. Of course, he was like typical waywards and tried to trickle-truth me in the beginning, but saw pretty quickly the error in doing that. I also had a package of notes, emails, etc. sent to me by OWH. H knew he had to come clean because he didn't know what was in the package that was on its way to me. The only thing I don't have is the exact wording of their conversations throughout the A, and it would be tough to get that. I'd have to have been sitting in the back seat of the car during their 'meetings'. Which probably would have changed their topics of conversation. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Mar 2011
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Seriously I am starting to freak out alittle.
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Joined: Mar 2011
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I'm sorry everyone i just can't let anyone at his work Know it would be horrible and he can't quit where he works. I will take what happens when and if it happens. With God everything is possible. Thank you for trying to help.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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I'm sorry everyone i just can't let anyone at his work Know it would be horrible and he can't quit where he works. I will take what happens when and if it happens. Sandy, please, don't just accept bad things happening to you.  With God everything is possible. Yes, and He's led you here.
Last edited by markos; 03/16/11 12:50 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Mar 2011
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our counselor said that the type of affair that he had that there was no attachment and if we worked really hard on the marriage and applied the marriagebuilders program that we would be fine. I just know he had no love feelings for her or that much lust either. Now after reading that he has to quit his job or else I'm freaking. I'm lost and torn.
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Probably because you know, deep down, that he cannot work with this woman but enforcing that would change your lifestyle. So, either both of you force that change now, or let another affair or divorce change it for you. At least one way will give you control over what happens to you. I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. Mine was somewhat similar and my WW quit her job. True, the financial aspects were not trivial, but, really, there was no choice if I wanted to stay married.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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our counselor said that the type of affair that he had that there was no attachment and if we worked really hard on the marriage and applied the marriagebuilders program that we would be fine. I just know he had no love feelings for her or that much lust either... Be very careful here. You and your counselor are making dangerous assumptions about the A. By definition, an A is an ATTACHMENT! You mean you "would like to think your H had no love feelings or that much lust either..." Don't tell yourself what you want to hear. A's are an addiction between two people, plain and simple. Two people involved in an A are two drug addicts that cannot "turn off" their addiction.
Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40
2011: In recovery
A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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Joined: Oct 2009
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our counselor said that the type of affair that he had that there was no attachment and if we worked really hard on the marriage and applied the marriagebuilders program that we would be fine. I just know he had no love feelings for her or that much lust either. Now after reading that he has to quit his job or else I'm freaking. I'm lost and torn. Your therapist obviously knows squat about MB. Following the MB program means NC for life! Did she skip over that part?  Confused, you don't know us from Adam. You are free to take this advice or discard it, and we won't hold it against you for a minute. If you feel that taking the chance is worth it, then - let them work together. What you are reading here is a compilation of posters who have been where you are, and we are telling you that when affair partners continue to work together there can be no recovery. We say that from our experience. What you do with what we say is up to you. In my sitch, my H didn't have "real feelings" for the OW either. But he will say to this day that there is NO WAY he could have worked with her after exposure. None.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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F-i-f-t-e-e-n years after my A, I still have some unasked-for flashbacks of the OW. If I were to be working with her, I would struggle to not start the addiction all over again. I do not want the OW and am disgusted over what I have done so many years ago, but I'm not a fool to think I wouldn't have feelings redevelop again.
Once you have the needle in your arm, you will be a slave to it forever. The only cure is to have zero contact. Zero.
Last edited by Wisertoday; 03/17/11 04:01 PM.
Me: FBH (2010) and FWH (1996): 40
Her: FWW and FBW: 40
2011: In recovery
A's are merely chocolate-covered cancer lollipops.
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