Not having "physical touch" as a "love language" is not a DYSFUNCTION.

It is extremely judgmental of your wife to say something like this.

Scores of people here have noted that you are judgmental and critical of your wife. Have you talked to your pastor about this problem?

There are much better ways to treat hypothyroidism than with synthetic T-4 replacements such as levo. Have you tried any natural thyroid replacement medications? I'm in the process of trying to get my doctor to change my levo to a natural thyroid medication because I have heard they are much more effective.

You said that not having physical touch as a love language must be caused by a dysfunction. In what I saw there was nothing at all about thyroid issues, and they are a complete sidetrack from the point: what you said is absolutely insulting.

cemar, do you believe that everybody would have physical touch as a love language unless something is wrong with them?

Although I agree that there are many different ways for people to express love and feel loved, and I also agree that not having a specific love language is not a dysfunction, I still don't view cemar's statements as insulting.

He may be incorrect in his assessment of his wife, but I hardly find him offensive.

I really don't think he meant it as an insult. *I think* he is saying that his wife's thyroid is not functioning correctly=dysfunctional. It's just like anything that is not functioning correctly. No it doesn't make her or anyone dysfunctional. But it does mean the thyroid isn't functioning correctly. Just like if a person has diabetes, we'd say that their insulin isn't regulated correctly=not functioning correctly=dysfunctional.

I don't catch the insulting part.

Check out ArmourThyroid

Translation: only a messed up, damaged person wouldn't have touch as a love language.

Nothing there about thyroid. Yes, that's an insult.

BTW - I have thyroid problems, take medication for bipolar disorder, AND am a survivor of sexual abuse. I am still the HD partner.

Cemar just really needs this to be all her fault because he doesn't want to look at himself.

*highjack*
That would be wonderful! I started reading the thyroid thread, but I haven't gotten through many of the posts. There are also a couple of books such as Thyroid Power that I want to read.

This part alone is a disrespectful judgment:


That one question, by itself, with or without the "dysfunction" part, would be offensive to most wives, I think.

But I invite cemar to have his wife come read it and let us know what she thinks. Perhaps she is not offended by it.

kilted, he didn't say anything about thyroid in the post I am talking about:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2486286#Post2486286


I agree that calling a thyroid dysfunction a dysfunction is not insulting.

But asking "Why would a person actually have a love language that is not physical touch?" I can't believe anyone would find that to be a loving thing to say about their mate.

If cemar is here looking for a better marriage, I'd like us to help him come to understand his disrespectful judgments problem.

Here's another crushing example:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2486445#Post2486445


This is a really selfish thing to say. He is saying that when a man commits love busters (abuses his wife), it is the victim's fault (his wife).

Am I the only one who sees these attitudes as a serious problem for cemar's marriage?

To me, there is a difference between a misinterpretation and a disrespectful judgement.

I've also been wondering for quite some time if English is cemar's first language?

Anyway, whatever the case is for cemar and his wife, it would take more than that comment to offend me. I've been much more surprised by the reactions of others than by him.

Of course it's a problem for his marriage, and he's very frustrated by his situation.

But I find what he's writing to be radically honest. Perhaps it's not what everyone wants to hear, but at least he's being truthful.

I find it interesting that I've gone through so many comments where the women who weren't having sex with their husbands were vilified and called abusive and selfish, yet with cemar, no one seems to have that same reaction.

I'm confused as to how this is "truthful." cemar judges his wife and posts very-misinformed opinions about marriage that assume everybody is exactly the same. Disrespectful judgments are abuse, not "honesty."

I don't necessarily agree that he's making disrespectful judgements, or that he has misinformed opinions about marriage. LD women do seem to be a problem for many men.

But, I do think what he's sharing is his version of the truth - which for each of us is flawed and subjective at best.

Everybody feels like their spouse is selfish when their spouse is not meeting their needs.

But in order to actually solve the problem (especially when only one spouse is talking about solving the problem), a person needs to look at what they are doing to contribute.

A husband should not demand that his sexual needs (or any other needs) be met. Calling her selfish is simply a disrespectful judgment. She may have very valid reasons for declining his requests for sex. For example, her emotions may be protecting her from her husband, and ignoring them and having sex with an abusive husband might cause serious conditions for her.

I was an abusive husband when I got here, and I still have a serious disrespectful judgment problem, among others.

Steve Harley told my wife not to have sex with me unless she felt aroused. I guarantee you that following this rule was an important step to fixing our problems. My wife of course doesn't feel aroused when she's victimized by abusive comments from me.

Here is something Dr. Harley posted to me:

(Source: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...40&what=showflat&fpart=1&q=1 )


cemar's wife is not here asking for help. (Although I think it would be great if he would invite her to come.) cemar is. And we can see one of his problems: disrespectful judgments. It doesn't do him any favors to tell him that this problem is not so bad.

Isabeau, can you help cemar with the Marriage Builders basic concepts?

Isabeau, do you feel that "Usually, the things that make men unattractive, the LBs that they do, are usually the RESULT of their wives being LD" is a valid opinion about marriage?

Do you feel that the question "Why would a person actually have a love language that is not physical touch?" reflects a valid opinion about marriage?

If so, I think maybe we ought to take that discussion to another thread.

I don't think anyone can. But that kind of seemed obvious a few threads ago.

I'm not even clear on whether or not Cemar's wife is having sex with him. She may well be, just not in the way that he wants. He's stated numerous times that his wife merely having sex with him would not satisfy his need for SF. He wants her to desire him and be passionate about SF. He wants her to have the exact same need (SF) that he has, and in the exact same way that he has it.

That's a disrespectful judgement right there. It's basically saying that SF is the only legitimate #1 EN and that the only thing that will make Cemar happy is if SF becomes his wife's #1 EN. But it is very disrespectful for Cemar to tell his wife that her needs are wrong and that she should share his needs, in the same order he has them, and in the exact same way.