I wouldn't show it. He wouldn't see the forest for the trees right now.
If you follow the marriagebuilder plans and he ever comes home to recover the marriage .....then share.

If you follow the plans, you DO let him know the way 'home'. You don't get nasty or make declarations that the marriage is kaput. It is a brilliant plan. Brilliant. It allows for recovery if the affair ever dies (becomes more trouble than it is worth for either WH or OW).

You plan A....showing your best....give a plan B letter and step back, close the door and get out of the drama. The great fantasy romance no longer built on your back.

I don't think I can Plan B when he is my only income. Does a partial Plan B work -- assuming he doesn't get mad and take all the money? Do you always time Plan B with exposure? Or could I wait a week after exposure and then do Plan B?

Don't mention anything about this site, mehr. No books, no forums, no nothin'. He will not be receptive to this right now. AND worse case scenario, you'll tip your hand on some of the affair-killing techniques that are here.

No, you don't necessarily go to Plan B after exposure.

And get that money out of those accounts before he realizes you're doing it.

It's best to expose during Plan A. Let dust settle then Plan B. I Plan A'd, exposed then immediately Plan B'd (twice). H was literally driving me insane.

Talk to an attorney immediately to see what your chances are for an emergency order of support. If finances are the only thing holding you back, I think it's best to wait on Plan B until you have some money tucked away or see how long it could take for a judge to order support. You'd likely have to file something first, though - either legal separation or divorce.

You need to think of yourself and kids. Protect yourself and them above all else.

Regarding his thinking a good marriage is possible - if you can, talk to the Harleys. Steve Harley suggested I get my H to call him and Steve worked on the phone with him. His whole goal was to get my H to see that we could have the ideal scenario - a happily married couple raising our kids together (rather than divorced). I think my H got a glimpse but was far too stubborn and wayward (he told me Marriage Builders works for a lot of people but won't work for us). Might be worth a shot.

Mehr,

Just so you know, legally your husband is responsible financially for your children and you........don't let that scare you, if it comes to it you will see legal advice and put the financial plan together..........you won't be left on your own to starve.......the courts the law will not let that happen..
I think you have a good plan so far, Plan A and then Plan B with the letter of exposure when you get back from your trip.
If he won't leave the affair relationship he needs to live life without you and he needs to realize what a mess he has made of his life and family.
Mehr, I am going to guess once you have cut him out of your life, he will rethink the importance of the affair relationship..........let him feel all the ugliness he is going to feel, let the OW fill all his needs, let him see the grass isn't greener, let him see that it is JUST GRASS.
Life for him will become very complicated, you look your best, be your best, focus on the children.........and just show him that you will not put up with this kind of respect and that your life will and can be okay without him......
Let him feel the financial burden the emotional burden, the guilt, all the ugliness that this kind of situation brings to one's life.........
Slam the door on his face, let him know you won't be any part of a affair situation this is his choice and you are only doing what you need to for your children and yourself...........
Dont' speak to him until he decides to leave the affair and agree to work on the marriage........he can see the kids through a IM, he can relay any info through them............He needs to feel the loss he had chosen....