Married Forever's exposure was truly epic. It did follow a False recovery, so she did have a monster bee in her bonnet. Oh my, it gave new meaning to Tsunami of truth, and it was effective! GF

Thanks, GO. I just did what needed to be done and I am forever grateful that I had this board to encourage me.

We are doing great now, BTW!

You must expose, as everyone has said. My question to you is this: why stay married when there are no kids? Do you really want to go through this with kids? Are you military?

I read all of you lima charlie. Exposure will happen. I've got my evidence, making a list of people to contact, and creating a POA (plan of action).

As for why stay married? It's simple, I love her and want to try marital recovery. I know there is a very narrow path for her to follow for that to happen. If she doesn't then I can seek D knowing I did everything in my power to recover our marriage. No, I'm not on Active Duty.

Hope to expose in the next 24 - 48 hrs. Will report back.

PS - The forum was down last night. Did anyone else have that problem? Is that common?

DD, yes, the forum was down yesterday for a short while. It happens every so often.

When you expose to her family, tell them about the affair and ask them to use their influence to persuade her to end the affair. Its real important that she know about the exposure so if they don't call her, you would want to tell her in a couple of days.

To whom are you exposing?

devildog, have you asked her to quit her job? She can't continue to work with the OM if you want to recover your marriage.

Also, when you do expose, you can expect your wife to go ballistic. That is ok. Don't let it bother you. She will make all manner of threats "I was going to try and now I'm not,"I am filing for divorce," "you betrayed me" blah, blah, blah...

Dont' let it bother you a bit. It will blow over. Don't fight and don't try to reason with her. Just tell her "I am so sorry you are upset, dear!"

I'm exposing to all of my family (grandmother, cousins, etc.), all of her immediate family, aunts, uncles, and some cousins (those I have contact info). First exposure took place w/ immediate family only. Will expose to OMW but I haven't been able to get any other family contact info. He's not on facebook.

I have asked her to quit her job but she refused. However when she returned to work day after first exposure she couldn't handle it and took a 30 day LOA. Believe me, not returning to that hospital is a non-negotiable condition of martial recovery.

I can tolerate WS being angry. What I won't tolerate is her A. I'll be gentle.

Carry on, Devildog!! You have the right attitude!

You really do have a great attitude--that's the kind of attitude you're going to need. I've never seen my wife as angry and pointed as after she found out I blew the lid off her A and told her ultra-conservative family. So be prepared for her harsh words, like "I can never be with someone who could do something so heartless and selfish!" (projection, much??!)

Seriously, you seem to be in a remarkably good place. If recovery doesn't work, you can hold your head high and know you did everything in your power to piece it back together.

At the same time--over the coming weeks and months, it'll be important to look objectively at the future and decide whether your WW will ever be able to be the kind of W you deserve.

Hold on, the ride's just getting started.

All: The POA is ready. Letters are written and evidence is printed. I have one really serious concern:

The OM is a doctor and I'm concerned about any legal reprisal if I reveal the A to OMW. Is their a lawyer on this forum who practices in VA that can offer me advice on what legal ramifications, if any, I might face? If so, pls message me privately or reply on this thread.

Just covering my flank guys...

PMs are disabled here.

What do legal ramifications have to do with being a doctor?

If you have proof, it isn't libel or slander. Please stop over thinking this. I've been on these boards for 4.5 years and have yet to see even one person get into any sort of legal trouble over exposure.

As far as I know, there is no liability for slander for telling the truth. But I am not an attorney. And I seriously doubt that a doctor would want to increase public awareness over his A with a lawsuit.

DevilDog, doctors cavorting with the hired help is actually WORSE than in private industry. This is primarily due to the nature of medical provider/patient relationships and the need to keep things above board.

Physicians have multiple codes of conduct. Not only do they take the Hippocratic Oath, but they must also submit to ethics panels, hospital review boards, and more. The only reason doctors and health care providers even dare to conduct affairs is because they never think they'll be caught!

My wife was in the health care field. She had an affair with a man who worked in a high-security field. Following the guidance given me, I wrote everybody - H.R. department heads, corporate counsels, the OM's wife -- heck, I even notified OM's landlady!

Reprisal? Not on your life! I indicated that a company that would keep in its employ someone who would behave dishonestly, use company resources for illicit purposes, and if publicly traded could have shareholder ramifications, would not be a company to have a good public image.

I poured it on thick! I never said anything that wasn't true, but I made sure these people knew I had irrefutable proof of the affair, and that I wasn't afraid to use it if need be.

There is a saying, "The truth is an absolute defense in matters of libel and slander." The only reprisal I'd be afraid of if I were you, is that the doc starts writing bogus prescriptions for himself to assuage the fact that he lost his livelihood over his abhorrent behavior.

Go get 'em, DD. OOOooRah!

You are being paranoid. The truth is a defense to libel and slander. I have been here for 10 years and have seen hundreds of exposures, but have never seen a lawsuit for exposure. That is because no cheater would want to have to PROVE in court that you made up the charges out of MALICE. [that would be very public exposure]

And lets say there would be legal ramifications. Are you saying that you would still HIDE the OM's affair from his wife? Surely you are kidding?

The attorneys on our board are from Michigan, Texas and New York, not VA.

Here is the exposure letter/email to family and friends:


On January 23rd I learned the my wife had been having a physical affair with a married doctor for six months. For the past eight weeks I have tried to end their affair and seek martial recovery. Sadly, WS and OM are still actively trying to maintain their affair. I remain hopeful that marital recovery is possible but not until the affair is over. I apologize if you feel this has placed an undue burden on you but I need your support. Your thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time are appreciated.

Thoughts? Add or take away anything?

Here is the exposure letter to OMW:

On Jan. 23rd I discovered that WS and OM had been having a PA in the workplace for almost six months. WS is 26 and an oncology nurse. She has worked at [hospital] for almost four years. When I discovered her A she confessed the truth when confronted. For the past eight weeks I have tried to reconcile our marriage and end their A. On Feb. 15th I texted OM and told him to get out of our M and end their A. He promptly replied and promised he would never communicate with WS again. A copy of that text is attached. Sadly WS and OM have not stopped communicating with each other. I've included cell phone records which demonstrate the volume of texting they did while in and out of the workplace. I've also included more recent records show them still communicating. I have other electronic evidence if you'd like to see it. I hope you decide to fight for your M like I have. Any anger you might feel is justified. I know what it feels like to be betrayed. If you'd like to talk pls call me at (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

Add or take anything away?

DD, the goal will be to get them to CALL HER and try to persuade her to end her affair. Hopefully some will do that. Some won't, so be prepared for some to even criticize you for exposing her affair.

Have you told your parents? Would your mother and dad call the OM on your behalf? If I were your mother I would call the OM and give him hell. I would also tell his assistant about the affair when I did.

Well, devildog, if you want to b.s. around with this mumbo-jumbo, how about considering that by WITHHOLDING info on the affair from OMW, you could be subjecting her to needless risk of contracting some crotch-rotting disease thanks to the dalliances of her husband -- and you're doing nothing to warn her, even though you have information that she is in this danger. Using your own logic, devildog, SHE could sue you, right? So you're darned if you do & darned if you don't. So might as well follow the "darned" that gives you the best chance of saving your marriage before irreparable damage has been done.

So quit with the silly excuses. You're pussyfooting around, worrying about your flanks, when the affair is already inside the wire! Go to the man's wife with your info. Get it done.

Agree with Gloveoil! If I were the OMW and you didn't tell me, I would take you DOWN. I would be FURIOUS that you could do something so callous and cruel. If you keep the affair a secret for the OM and your WW, then you are an accessory to the crime. And trust me, she will view it that way.