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I think this thread needs a dictionary definition of "narcissist" instead of "cherish."
Just IMHO. Here you go. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of narcissist is: : egoism, egocentrism
: love of or sexual desire for one's own bodyYeah, I think that fits Cemar perfectly. I've always said that it seemed the only way he would ever be happy were if he could be married to himself.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Vibrissa:
It depends. If your husband is content with a romnatic love marriage, then maybe your successful. If he is looking for a passionate marriage, then you are not successful. Do you show your husband that he TURNS you ON just becasue he exists? Do you show your husband that you physically WANT him, to meet YOUR physical needs, just because he exists. If you want examples of how to appear HD to your husband, I have dozens. Really bad form, cemar. Vibrissa was offering to help you, not asking for help from you. She certainly didn't want a lecture. Are you willing to call Dr. Harley and bring your objections and questions to him? You can do so for FREE. You can get help for FREE. Or you can continue to sit here griping endlessly.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Why should your wife even attempt to meet your sexual expectations in exactly the way you expect them if you are not willing to even attempt to meet your wife's needs in exactly the way she wants them met?
You're not talking about an emotionally satisfying sexual life. You're talking about wanting someone that is basically a man with high testosterone in a womans body.
Let's just assume for a second that you don't have crazy notions running around in your head. We've tried to tell you how To get the passion going back in your marriage. Tried to tell you how to least get your wife more willing to meet you in the bedroom area. You know all those things you want your wife to do? Yeah those. My wife does all that. She does them enthusiastically and enjoys them for the unguilty pleasures they are. However, it�s my responsibility to ensure that she can approach these activities with enjoyment and enthusiasm. Do you think I�m irritating her (love busters), not assuming my responsibilities in meeting her needs (emotional needs), and getting in some undivided attention time that she�s gonna want to put it down like the bad Chicka she is? Not. At. All. What YOU NEED to do is get your wife engaged, connected, and feeling safe with you emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Now if you think that my wife is sitting around at work just fantasizing about running through the front door, ripping her clothes off, and having wanton dirty sex, wellll�think again.
Have you ever thought that maybe you might not be the incredible lover that you think you are?
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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SmilingWoman:
Why not? Do I owe it to my wife to be desireable, YES!!! Does my wife owe it to me to desire me, YES!!! I would think that we would want to AVOID a situation like you describe, where the women gets to establish CONDITIONS for her actions. Once yu start establishing conditions, then BOTH spouses get to establish conditions, and you will get nowhere.
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Do I owe it to my wife to be desireable, YES!!! Does my wife owe it to me to desire me, YES!!! You're mixing two separate thoughts in order to shore up your argument. This should read: "Do I owe it to my wife to be desirable? YES!! Does my wife owe it to me TO BE DESIRABLE TO ME, YES!!" See? That way you've made yourself desirable to her, and she's made herself desirable to you. Your wife doesn't OWE it to you to desire you.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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SmilingWoman:
Why not? Do I owe it to my wife to be desireable, YES!!! Are you interested in learning how to do this?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Have you ever thought that maybe you might not be the incredible lover that you think you are? I've been thinking this. Cemar, I don't think there's a woman alive who would desire to have sex with you right now.
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Am I the only person who thinks the statement about not establishing conditions........ironic?
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Am I the only person who thinks the statement about not establishing conditions........ironic? No, you're not.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Have you ever thought that maybe you might not be the incredible lover that you think you are? I've been thinking this. Cemar, I don't think there's a woman alive who would desire to have sex with you right now. If he comes across in real life anywhere near as narcissistic as he does on this forum, then I would have to say this is a virtual certainty.
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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Have you ever thought that maybe you might not be the incredible lover that you think you are? I've been thinking this. Cemar, I don't think there's a woman alive who would desire to have sex with you right now. This might be harsh, Cemar, but you should consider this statement. If you have made yourself this undesireable to a group of anonymous strangers who only deal with you on an intermittent basis... how do you think your wife feels?
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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cemar,
Just shaking my head!
Don't you have anything better in your life than to create insipid posts???
Tom
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Prisca:
So thinking that each person should meet their spouses needs without expectations. But apparently, its the GUY that has to do this, and the women don't have the same requirement.
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Prisca:
So thinking that each person should meet their spouses needs without expectations. But apparently, its the GUY that has to do this, and the women don't have the same requirement. No, thats not right. Please show me where Dr Harley says to meet needs "without expectations."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Markos:
So where is Dr. Harleys advice on solving the DESIRE problem? Phase 1 is building romantic love(only for the wife). Phase 2 is curing the Desire problem. As Dr. that Dr. Harely says, build romnatic love and the natural sex drive will return. Well there are a whole lot of guys like me who have wives that have NO sex drive. So there will be no natural sex drive to return. It's the 10% that Dr. Harely mentions. Makes it real hard to do the romantic love stuff when you know that they will STILL not have desire. There should be a CLEARLY defined program for what has to happen now. I clearly don't want my wife doing anything affectionate or sexual unless she WANTS to do it. I do not want her doing it FOR me, that is never really satifying.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's the 10% that Dr. Harely mentions. How do you know you are the 10%? When did your wife fall in love with you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Markos:
So where is Dr. Harleys advice on solving the DESIRE problem? Phase 1 is building romantic love(only for the wife). Phase 2 is curing the Desire problem. As Dr. that Dr. Harely says, build romnatic love and the natural sex drive will return. Well there are a whole lot of guys like me who have wives that have NO sex drive. So there will be no natural sex drive to return. It's the 10% that Dr. Harely mentions. Makes it real hard to do the romantic love stuff when you know that they will STILL not have desire. There should be a CLEARLY defined program for what has to happen now. I clearly don't want my wife doing anything affectionate or sexual unless she WANTS to do it. I do not want her doing it FOR me, that is never really satifying. Cemar, you've been here awhile. That tells me that you may not be sharing this journey with your wife. I would like you to ask her to come here. Your choice - bring her here and let us help you, or continue to whine and plead to the people on this forum (who, I might add, aren't the person you live with every day.) Bring your wife here.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Agree with this! Bring her here, cemar.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Markos:
So where is Dr. Harleys advice on solving the DESIRE problem? Send him an email and ask him: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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